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SIDE  TALKS  WITH 
GIRLS 


BY 

RUTH  ASHMORE  f 


CP  I'tiTisUT 


NEW  YORK 

CHARLES  SCRIBNER’S  SONS 
1903 


Copyright,  1895,  by 

CHARLES  SCRIBNER’S  SONS 


TROW  DIRECTORY 

printing  and  bookbinding  company 

NEW  YORK 


45151 


TO 

THE  AMERICAN  GIRL 

WHEREVER  SHE  MAY  BE  I DEDICATE  THIS  BOOK 
I RESPECT  HER  INDEPENDENCE,  I HONOR  HER  GOODNESS, 
AND  I LOVE  HER  SWEETNESS 
SHE  MAKES  THE  MOST  CHARMING  OF  FRIENDS, 

THE  BEST  OF  WIVES,  AND  THE  TRUEST  OF  MOTHERS 
THESE  THREE  POSITIONS  IN  LIFE  WILL, 

I HOPE,  REPRESENT  HER  FUTURE 


RUTH  ASHMORE 


PREFACE 

A SIDE  talk  with  girls  means  a word  here  and 
there  about  things  that  are  interesting — a little 
discussion  of  this  or  that  which  provokes  a question. 

Our  girls  are  going  to  be  the  wives  and  mothers 
of  the  future  ; they  are  going  to  make  homes  in 
which  they  should  know  how  to  rule  royally. 

Now  a royal  rule  is  one  that  strengthens  the 
weak,  has  sympathy  for  the  sick,  knows  how  to  be 
glad  with  the  merry,  and  marks  with  the  white 
stone  of  a good  deed  every  day  in  the  year. 

You  and  I like  to  sit  down  before  the  bright  fire 
at  night  and  gossip  about  the  doings  of  the  day  ; 
compare  notes  about  what  looked  pretty  in  the 
shop  windows ; agree  or  disagree  about  a book  or 
a ribbon,  think  out  schemes  of  economy,  measure 
out  the  money  in  the  purse,  so  that  it  will  allow 
for  a pleasure,  and  talk  over  those  little  points  of 


vi 


Preface 


etiquette  that  oil  the  wheels  of  society  and  make 
them  run  more  smoothly.  And  this  we  did. 

As  the  circle  grew  there  came  in  another  and 
another  girl ; the  chat  increased,  a question  was 
asked,  each  was  ready  to  laugh  and  be  merry.  A 
day  came  when  grief  reigned  and  you  were  glad 
for  a word  of  sympathy  — a word  perhaps  not 
voiced,  but  told  by  a grasp  of  the  hand,  and  yovi 
learned  through  the  telegraph  of  hearts  that  there 
was  a feeling  of  sorrow  for  every  tear  you  shed 
and  for  every  moan  you  made.  But  the  sorrow 
only  made  the  pleasant  times  brighter,  for,  dear 
girls,  in  life,  as  in  a picture,  the  dark  lines  arc 
necessary  to  bring  out  and  emphasize  those  that 
are  light.  So  the  side  talks  came  about  between 
my  girls  and  me. 

Do  you  care  to  be  one  in  the  circle  ? A side 
talk  is  not  of  necessity  a talk  all  on  one  side,  and 
what  you  think,  what  you  wonder,  and  what  your 
ideas  are  will  result  from  the  giving  of  mine  to 
you. 

Ruth  Ashmore. 

August  30,  1895. 


CONTENTS 


PAGE 


7. 

The  Average  Girl, 

. / 

II. 

The  Social  Life  of  a Girl,  . 

. 2 

III. 

Girl  Life  in  New  York  City, 

• 3 

IV. 

The  Country  Girl, 

• 3^ 

V. 

Her  Letter  and  My  Answer, 

• 47 

VI. 

Quiet  Walks  for  Girls, 

. 6o 

VII. 

A Girls  Religious  Life, 

• 71 

VIII. 

The  Small  Faults  of  Girls, 

. 84 

IX. 

What  Shall  a Girl  Read?  . 

• 95 

X. 

The  Girl  who  Uses  Slang,  . 

. 107 

XI. 

Your  Own  Familiar  Friend, 

. I IQ 

XII. 

The  Elder  Sister  in  the  Home,  . 

. I JO 

XIII. 

The  Restlessness  of  the  Age, 

. 142 

XIV. 

The  Girl  who  Goes  A-visiting,  . 

• ^53 

Contents 


viii 


PAGE 


XV. 

The  Art  of  Travelling  Easily , . 

. 164 

XVI. 

The  Mother  of  My  Girl^ 

• m 

XVII. 

My  Sweetheart  and  /, 

. 186 

XVIII. 

The  Mantle  of  Charity, 

. 197 

XIX. 

The  Physical  Life  of  a Girl, 

. 208 

XX. 

A Stranger  in  a Strange  Land, 

. 2 IQ 

XXL 

The  Young  Wife  s First  Year,  . 

. 230 

XXII. 

The  Young  Husband's  First  Year^ 

. 241 

THE  AVERAGE  GIRL 


3HE  girl  who  is  sitting  near  you  or  me, 
working  with  an  immense  amount  of 
industry  on  a dainty  tea-cloth,  and 
putting  a great  deal  of  energy  in  the 
pushing  in  of  her  needle  by  the  little  gold  thimble, 
which,  she  will  tell  you  with  a smile,  the  favored 
man  gave  her  at  Christmas,  is  the  average  girl.’^ 
In  years  she  is  between  eighteen  and  twenty-four  ; 
she  is  whole-hearted,  happy,  generous,  pretty  and 
pleasant  to  look  upon,  and  very  anxious  to  do 
what  is  right.  She  lives  in  a small  country  town, 
or  maybe  on  a farm,  and  last  summer  you  en- 
joyed the  long  golden  days  spent  in  the  country 
with  her.  Now  she  is  returning  your  visit,  and 
you,  being  a polite  woman,  are  making  her  have 
as  good  a time  as  possible.  To-day  she  is  with 
me,  and  she  knows  me  well  enough  and  likes 
me  well  enough  to  tell  me  of  her  ignorance 

I 


2 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


about  certain  things.  She  troubles  herself  about 
these  rather  more  than  is  necessary,  for  good  man- 
ners are  the  same  all  the  world  over.  And  while 
the  average  girl  may  not  be  fully  acquainted  with 
the  minor  details  of  social  life  she  is  gently  bred 
and  kind  of  heart,  and  it  is  impossible  for  her  to 
make  any  very  great  mistake.  On  a piece  of 
paper  she  has  written  about  the  little  things  that 
trouble  her,  and  I am  going,  as  far  as  I can,  to 
explain  them  to  her  so  that  she  may  feel  less  ill- 
at-ease  than  she  does. 


ABOUT  THE  LUNCHEON 

The  other  day  she  was  invited  to  a luncheon  by 
a friend  of  her  hostess,  and  when  the  time  camfj 
she  had  to  go  alone  because  her  hostess  had  a 
severe  cold.  She  had  never  seen  a table  as  elabo- 
jately  spread  as  the  one  at  that  luncheon,  and  she 
soon  realized  that  she  had  made  a mistake  at  the 
very  beginning.  When  she  went  upstairs  to  re- 
move her  wrap  she  took  off  her  bonnet  also,  and 
when  she  came  down  found  that  she  was  the  only 
woman,  except  the  hostess  and  the  friends  who 
were  staying  in  the  house,  whose  head  was  bare. 
Not  a great  error,  but  then  the  average  girl  likes 
to  be  correct,  and  with  a handsome  silk  visiting 
dress  proper  for  this  two  o’clock  luncheon,  she 
should  have  retained  her  bonnet  and  her  gloves, 


The  Average  Girl 


3 


removing  the  latter  as  soon  as  she  was  seated  at 
the  table. 

Glancing  at  her  place  she  saw  that  the  two- 
pronged  fork  was  for  her  oysters,  and  realized 
that  if  she  took  up  each  fork  in  the  order  in 
which  it  was  placed  she  would  get  the  right  one 
for  each  course. 

The  average  girl  once  made  a great  mistake.  - 
Having  been  invited  for  half-past  one  o’clock  she  \ 
arrived  at  one,  to  find  that  the  hostess  was  not  | 
dressed,  and  the  drawing-room  not  lighted.  One 
is  asked  at  a certain  time  and  expected  to  arrive 
not  earlier  than  five  minutes  before  it,  or,  better 
still,  exactly  on  the  minute.  She  felt  embarrassed 
because  she  was  introduced  to  nobody.  Now, 
my  dear,  that  you  will  find  customary  in  most 
houses,  the  English  idea  of  a roof  ” introduc- 

tion being  deemed  sufficient.  Where  one  is  an 
entire  stranger,  a thoughtful  hostess  will  mention 
the  names  of  the  women  between  whom  one  sits, 
but  generally  one  hears  the  name  mentioned  by 
acquaintances,  and  conversation  is  easy.  Re- 
member this : Never  ask  a servant  for  anything 
except  bread;  usually  the  French  roll  laid  on 
one’s  napkin  suffices,  but  if  you  should  wish  more 
bread  it  may  be  asked  for,  or  a glass  of  water. 
But  a second  helping  is  an  unknown  quantity  at 
a formal  affair. 

At  home  the  average  girl  is  well  acquainted 


4 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


with  what  is  called  high  tea’'  in  the  city,  that 
is,  the  serving,  about  eight  o’clock,  of  hot  meats, 
with  dishes  of  salads  and  sweets,  and  where  all  sit 
down — a pleasant  way  to  entertain  when  the  late 
dinner  is  not  a custom.  However,  the  card  you 
have  got  for  the  afternoon  tea  is  not  of  that 
sort.  The  tea  card  invites  you  to  come  between 
four  and  seven,  and  you  wonder  what  you  should 
do.  You  need  write  no  acknowledgment  of  this 
invitation,  but  to  be  correct  you  will  appear  about 
half-past  five,  gowned  in  your  handsomest  visiting 
dress,  the  pretty  black  silk  with  its  trimmings  of 
velvet  and  jet,  and  the  little  bonnet  in  harmony 
with  it.  If,  for  any  reason,  you  are  unable  to  go, 
then  in  the  morning  you  send  by  post  as  many  of 
your  visiting  cards  as  there  are  hostesses,  that  is, 
hostesses  whose  names  are  on  the  invitation. 
These  cards  are  inclosed  in  the  usual  card  enve- 
lope, addressed  to  the  lady  of  the  house,  and  seal- 
ing-wax is  omitted. 


WHILE  AT  THE  TEA 

When  you  enter  you  shake  hands  with  your 
hostess,  and  with  any  of  the  ladies  receiving  with 
her  with  whom  you  are  acquainted,  or  to  whom 
she  introduces  you.  You  are  asked  by  one  of  the 
receiving  party  if  you  will  not  go  into  the  tea- 
room, and  there  you  enjoy  a cup  of  tea,  of  bouil- 


The  Average  Girl 


5 


Ion,  a bit  of  delicate  cake  or  an  ice,  which  is  the 
most  that  is  ever  served,  even  at  a formal  tea. 
Unless  you  should  meet  many  friends,  ten  or  fif- 
teen minutes  is  quite  long  enough  for  you  to  stay. 
It  is  not  necessary  for  you  to  remove  your  gloves, 
and,  if  you  are  fortunate  enough  to  have  come  in 
a carriage,  you  will  find  it  more  convenient  to 
leave  your  wraps  there,  and  so  be  able  to  make 
your  entrance  at  once,  than  if  you  went  to 
the  room  dedicated  to  the  caring  for  one's  outer 
garments.  We  are  all  getting  to  be  such  good 
walkers,  however,  that  it  is  the  exceptional 
woman  who,  going  from  house  to  house,  can 
make  her  entrance  right  from  her  carriage  to  the 
drawing-room.  Cultivate,  for  afternoon  use  es- 
pecially, a quantity  of  small  talk,  about  the  charm 
of  the  hostess,  the  beauty  of  the  flowers,  that 
blessing  to  all  humanity — the  weather,  and  the 
last  entertainment  counted  of  worth.  Never  mind 
if  you  do  say  the  same  thing  to  everybody  you 
meet,  as  long  as  it  makes  you  avoid  personalities  ; 
there  is  always  wisdom  in  saying  that  which  makes 
conversation  and  wounds  nobody’s  feelings. 


A FASHIONABLE  DINNER-PARTY 

You  have  never  been  to  one  before,  and  so  your 
cousin,  with  whom  you  are  staying,  suggests  the 
proper  frock.  It  is  a light-colored  silk  made  sim- 


6 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


ply,  cut  out  just  enough  at  the  neck,  and  having 
for  sleeves  enormous  puffs  finished  by  frills  of 
chiffon  that  come  just  below  the  elbow.  Your 
gloves  go  up  under  these  ruffles,  and  are,  of  course, 
immaculate.  Your  hair  is  prettily  dressed,  and, 
following  the  picture  fashion,  you  have  put  a white 
rose  just  at  one  side  of  it.  A little  heart-shaped 
brooch  fastens  your  bodice  at  the  neck,  and  a 
string  of  small  gold  beads  is  about  your  throat. 
You  know  that,  even  if  you  possess  them,  it  would 
be  in  bad  taste  for  an  unmarried  woman  to  wear 
diamonds  or  expensive  jewels  of  any  kind.  In 
the  dressing-room,  after  the  maid  has  taken  off 
your  wrap  and  straightened  out  your  skirt,  you 
start  to  go  downstairs,  walking  just  behind  your 
chaperon.  The  gentleman  who  is  to  take  you  in 
to  dinner  has  been  informed  of  this  in  the  dressing- 
room  by  receiving  a card  with  your  name  upon  it, 
and  so  your  thoughtful  hostess  presents  him  to 
you,  and  you  have  a chat  of  a minute  or  two  be- 
fore taking  his  arm  and  joining  the  formal  proces- 
sion to  the  dining-room.  Your  name  card  is  at 
your  place,  and  after  the  little  flutter  of  getting 
seated  you  pick  up  and  look  at  the  bunch  of  vio- 
lets that  is  before  you,  and,  unless  you  are  willing 
to  risk  staining  your  skirt  with  them  or  crush- 
ing them,  you  put  them  on  the  table  just  in  front 
of  your  plate,  while  your  escort  fastens  in  his 
buttonhole  the  single  orchid  intended  for  him. 


The  Average  Girl 


7 


At  the  best  houses  what  used  to  be  known  as 
dinner  millinery/’  which  included  strips  of  rib- 
bon and  jars  of  sweets — jars  frequently  of  expen- 
sive china  intended  to  be  taken  home — is  no 
longer  seen,  for  it  is  counted  as  vulgar  to  appeal 
to  have  to  bribe  people  to  come  to  one’s  house. 
Chat  with  your  neighbors  on  either  side,  giving 
the  most  attention,  however,  to  your  escort  j but 
err  on  the  side  of  shyness  rather  than  of  self-satis* 
faction.  Many  a nervous  girl,  bright  and  witty, 
is  over-eager  to  be  entertaining,  and  unconsciously 
raises  her  voice  until  it  is  heard  above  everybody 
else’s,  and  her  high,  shrill,  exciting  laugh  is  a hor* 
ror  to  the  women,  who  blame  her  while  they  pity 
her.  A dinner-party  is  a formal  function,  and  spe' 
cially  demands  dignity  of  manner.  If  the  Conti^ 
nental  fashion  is  followed,  and  ladies  and  gentle- 
men leave  the  dining-room  at  the  same  time,  you 
go  out  as  you  came  in.  If  the  English  fashion  ob- 
tains, and  the  gentlemen  remain  to  smoke  and  talk, 
rise  when  your  hostess  gives  the  signal,  stand  quite 
still  until  you  see  your  chaperon,  and  then  fall  in 
line  behind  her,  passing,  not  too  quickly,  the  gen- 
tlemen, who  are  all  standing  up  and  allowing  you 
to  walk  out  before  them.  Learn  to  walk  well  and 
not  to  ^‘trot.”  A dinner  invitation  should  be 
acknowledged  within  three  hours,  and  the  chang- 
ing of  one’s  mind  about  it  is  never  permitted.  A 
witty  Frenchman  said,  Only  death  is  an  excuse 


8 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


for  not  keeping  a dinner  engagement,  and  even 
then  a polite  man  would  send  the  undertaker  to 
apologize  for  him/* 


ABOUT  YOUR  CALLS 

I know  it  to  be  true  that  when  you  came  to 
town  you  had  for  a visiting-card  a faintly  tinted 
stiff  one,  on  which  was  written  your  name,  Eli- 
nor Pegram,**  in  a fine  Italian  hand  heavily 
shaded.  Fortunately  for  you,  your  hostess  saw 
this  and  kept  you  from  making  a faux  pas.  In 
the  place  of  those  rose-tinted  ones,  happily  con- 
signed to  their  proper  resting-place,  the  waste- 
basket, you  now  have  rather  thin  white  cards,  al- 
most square,  with,  as  you  are  the  oldest  daughter, 
and  as  your  middle  name  is  your  mother’s  maiden 
one,  ‘^Miss  Cholmondeley  Pegram,”  engraved 
upon  them.  Your  visiting-card  represents  you, 
and  consequently  it  must  be  in  good  taste.  This 
form  is  desirable  because,  seeing  it,  old  friends 
who  knew  your  mother  as  pretty  Elinor  Chol- 
mondeley,” will  recognize  you  as  her  daughter, 
and  make  an  effort  to  show  you  some  special 
courtesies.  When  visiting  leave  a card  for  the 
lady  of  the  house  and  for  each  daughter  in  soci- 
ety. When  you  cannot  go  to  a reception  or  a tea 
your  cards  represent  you.  When  you  do  go  you 
leave  your  card  either  with  a servant  who  holds 


The  Average  Girl 


9 


out  a silver  salver  for  it,  or  you  put  it  on  the 
table  prepared  for  cards.  This  is  done  because, 
seeing  many  people,  your  hostess  may  not  re- 
member all  who  were  there,  and  the  little  bits 
of  thin  pasteboard  tell  of  her  visitors  and  warn 
her  of  those  to  whom  she  owes  either  a personal 
visit  or  a return  card.  You  called  one  day  on 
a friend  who  lives  very  quietly,  and  who  opened 
the  door  for  you.  For  her  a card  must  be  left 
also,  and  as  you  are  a bright  girl  you  can  either 
do  it  before  her,  reminding  her  that  you  do  not 
intend  to  let  her  forget  that  you  came  to  see  her, 
or  you  can  leave  it  in  the  hall  when  you  are 
alone,  for  your  hostess  does  not  accompany  you 
further  than  the  drawing-room  door. 

ABOUT  YOUR  SWEETHEART 

You  sat  and  wondered  about  your  sweetheart. 
As  yet  your  engagement  is  a secret.  When  you 
came  to  town  you  let  him  know  where  you  were, 
and  you  expected  that  he  would  call  that  first 
night,  ask  specially  for  you,  and  that  a tHe-d-tete 
would  be  the  result.  But  he  is  a well-bred  young 
man  who  understands  the  rules  of  society,  and  so 
he  did  what  was  correct.  He  called  about  five 
o’clock  in  the  afternoon,  asked  for  your  hostess,  her 
daughter  and  you,  and  one  of  them  went  down  with 
you  to  see  him.  When  he  wished  to  take  you  to 


fO 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


see  a great  actor  he  invited  your  hostess  and  you, 
and  he  never  went  to  any  place  with  you  alone. 
There  were  only  a few  stolen  moments  when  you 
could  say  to  him  just  what  you  wished,  but  he 
was  acting  as  society  in  the  city  demanded, 
and  showing  by  his  formal  behavior  his  respect 
for  you.  When  he  sent  you  a bunch  of  flowers 
there  was  one  for  your  cousin,  and  you  were  a bit 
foolish  not  to  value  yours  as  much  as  you  would 
if  he  had  not  sent  another.  What  he  did  was 
right,  and  he  would  have  been  counted  singularly 
gauche  and  awkward  if  he  had  done  as  you 
wished,  and  so  called  forth  criticisms  in  which 
the  words  bad -mannered  ” would  have  been 
most  conspicuous. 

Do  not  make  the  very  great  mistake  of  counting 
elderly  women  as  of  no  use  socially.  Of  course, 
you  are  respectful  to  them,  but  you  have  thought 
that  at  social  functions  they  were  out  of  place. 
My  dear  girl,  the  matron  is  the  power  behind  the 
throne.  She  decides  whether  you  are  desirable, 
whether  you  shall  receive  an  invitation  to  the 
most  exclusive  affair  and  whether  her  daughter 
shall  count  you  among  her  intimates.  It  is  she  to 
whom  the  young  men  go  for  introductions,  and 
your  doom  is  sealed  if  she  says  : I don’t  think 

you  would  care  for  Miss  Pegram,  she  is  not  a girl 
of  good  manners.”  With  the  passing  of  youth 
power  comes  as  a recompense. 


The  Average  Girl 


II 


THE  VALUE  OF  ETIQUETTE 

It  seems  to  you  ^ that  there  is  a great  deal  of 
formality  necessary  even  about  the  pleasant  times. 
There  is,  and  it  is  right  that  it  should  be  so.  If 
society  permitted  free  and  easy  manners,  lack  of 
punctuality  and  general  thoughtlessness,  the  whole 
social  structure  would  tumble  over,  and,  worst  of 
all,  woman  would  not  receive  the  respect  and  con- 
sideration due  her.  Our  little  talk  about  ways 
and  manners  will,  I hope,  be  some  help  to  that 
dear  average  girl  all  over  the  country,  who,  being 
an  American,  has  the  quickness  and  brightness 
making  her  able  to  do  everything  just  right,  pro- 
vided the  method  of  doing  is  suggested  to  her. 
She  will  be,  socially,  a great  success,  if  being  gen- 
teel (I  like  that  old-fashioned  word)  in  her  man- 
ners and  her  dress,  she  should  be  equally  genteel 
in  her  speech,  in  her  voice,  and  in  her  choice  of 
acquaintances.  If  she  is  wise  she  will  imitate 
nobody,  and  especially  will  she  refrain  from  imi- 
tating the  very  loud  girl  who  may  attract  atten- 
tion, but  for  whom  no  gentleman  ever  has  any 
serious  liking. 


THE  SOCIAL  LIFE  OF  A GIRL 

Y this  I do  not  mean  the  society  girl, 
that  is,  the  girl  whose  whole  life  is 
given  up  to  the  claims  of  society,  but 
I mean  the  girl  who,  having  reached 
a suitable  age,  goes  to  places  of  amusement,  enter- 
tains visitors,  and  no  matter  what  her  occupations 
may  be  during  the  day,  is  supposed  to  be  in  the 
social  world.  She  is,  very  many  times,  troubled 
about  how  she  shall  act,  how  she  shall  speak,  and 
what  is  her  duty.  I think  if  I were  asked  what 
her  duty  was  I should  say,  To  get  as  much 
pleasure  out  of  life  as  is  possible  without  hurting 
anybody  else,  or  doing  anything  that  is  wrong.” 
The  laws  of  conventionality  were  made,  not  that 
people  should  enjoy  themselves  less,  but  to  pro- 
tect them  more,  and  no  young  girl  can  break 
these  laws  and  be  happy,  for  I can  never  be  con- 
vinced that  a girl  enjoys  being  spoken  of  as 


The  Social  Life  of  a Girl 


13 


or  free  and  easy/’  or  different  from 
the  other  girls. 

The  girl  in  society  who  is  a bit  shy  may  envy 
that  other  girl  who  is  boisterous  and  rough,  who 
laughs  very  loudly,  who  tells  and  listens  to  stories 
and  jests  that  are  not  quite  nice,  and  who  is  par- 
ticularly at  ease  in  the  society  of  men.  The  shy 
girl  may  wish  for  her  composure,  but  if  the  shy 
girl  could  look  into  the  hearts  of  the  men  who 
are  about  this  girl  she  would  realize  that  she  has 
no  kingdom,  and  that  never  for  a minute  has  she 
been  a queen  except  in  her  own  imagination. 
Men,  when  they  want  comrades,  seek  other  men. 
What  they  desire  in  a young  woman  is  a compan- 
ion, and  one  who  is  totally  different  from  them- 
selves in  her  ideas  and  her  manner  of  speech. 


IN  THE  SOCIAL  WORLD 

You  are  just  beginning  to  go  out;  you  are 
twenty  years  old,  and  you  would  like,  as  is  per- 
fectly natural,  not  only  to  have  the  love  of  wom- 
en, but  the  genuine  admiration  of  men.  The 
admiration  of  all  men  is  hot  worth  having.  You 
believe  that  you  are  pleasant  to  look  at,  but 
when  you  meet  strangers  you  are  abashed,  the 
blood  rushes  to  your  face,  and  you  don’t  know 
what  to  say.  Now  a little  bit  of  that  is  due  to 
self-consciousness ; more  of  it  to  inexperience. 


14 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


When  a man  is  presented  to  you  you  need  not 
expect  to  enter  into  an  easy  conversation  with 
him,  as  does  the  woman  of  forty,  but  you  can  get 
your  thoughts  away  from  yourself  and  answer  him 
as  intelligently  as  possible.  Make  up  your  mind 
to  be  a little  slow  in  your  speech  rather  than  to 
give  a foolish  answer,  and  after  you  have  resolved 
to  do  this  you  will  not  find  it  difficult  to  over- 
come that  silly  giggle  so  peculiar  to  young  women, 
and  which  is  very  often  the  result  of  great  ner- 
vousness and  an  effort  to  speak  quickly. 

Don’t  be  too  perfectly  certain  about  things. 
The  positive  girl  who,  the  very  minute  a stranger 
speaks  to  her,  gives  him  an  answer  which  ^he 
announces  is  her  opinion,  and  which  she  per- 
mits no  one  else  to  doubt,  is  quite  as  undesirable 
as  the  girl  who  is  afraid  to  say  anything.  I think 
you  will  be  most  successful  socially  if  you  are 
willing  to  learn,  and  if  you  never  permit  your- 
self, from  false  shame,  to  tell  an  untruth  and  say 
you  do  know  of  things  about  which  you  are  tO' 
tally  ignorant.  Experience  has  taught  most  social 
leaders  that  men  like  to  give  information,  conse- 
quently when  a stranger  has  been  presented  to 
you,  and  after  the  first  ordinary  commonplaces, 
asks,  Did  you  meet  the  Spanish  Princess?” 
answer  yes,  or  no,  as  the  truth  may  be,  and  sup- 
plement this  by  another  question,  ‘^Did  you? 
And  what  did  you  think  of  her  ? ’ ’ 


The  Social  Life  of  a Girl 


IS 


It  is  not  difficult  in  this  world  to  attract,  if  one 
is  young  and  pleasing  to  look  upon. 

HOW  TO  RETAIN  FRIENDS 

It  may  be  taken  as  a general  rule  that  no  wom- 
an can  retain  her  friends  who  cannot  control  her 
temper.  What  she  thinks  may  be  right,  but,  be- 
cause it  is  so,  no  excuse  can  be  found  for  her 
going  into  a long,  quarrelsome  argument,  raising 
her  voice,  and  making  her  hostess  and  all  the 
other  guests  uncomfortable.  Then  people  must 
know  that,  socially,  a girl  is  to  be  relied  upon ; 
that  she  is  not  going  to  bring  the  daily  worries  of 
her  life  into  the  social  atmosphere,  but  that  she  is 
certain  to  bring  her  mite  of  agreeableness  to  add 
to  all  the  other  mites  until  the  perfection  of  en- 
joyment is  achieved,  and  the  pleasant  side  of 
everybody  is  seen  and  enjoyed.  The  woman  who 
wishes  to  keep  her  friends  must  steer  clear  of  vital 
subjects  on  which  they  may  differ,  religion  or 
politics  being  especially  undesirable  for  discussion. 


RESPECT  FOR  LITTLE  THINGS 

Be  pleasant  and  agreeable  to  all  men  who  may 
be  in  your  own  social  world,  but  give  no  one  man 
the  right  to  especially  claim  you  until  the  verita- 
ble Prince  Charming  appears.  To  retain  one’s 


i6 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


friends  one  must  also  respect  their  social  rights, 
and  by  this  I mean  that  if  their  hospitality  is  ac- 
cepted one  must  conform  in  the  way  of  dress  and 
manner  to  the  standards  of  one’s  hostesses ; and 
that  girl  shows  wisdom,  who,  invited  to  a very 
elaborate  affair  and  feeling  that  she  cannot  afford 
even  a simple  suitable  dress,  refuses  the  invitation 
rather  than  mortify  the  hostess  by  being  out  of 
tune  in  the  general  harmony. 

One  has  achieved  a great  wisdom  when  one  has 
learned  how  to  say  no  ” in  the  social  world 
without  giving  offence.  Personally,  I do  not  ap- 
prove of  general  dancing,  though  I see  no  harm, 
in  fact  a great  deal  of  good,  in  the  home  dance, 
but  when  a girl  has  a conscientious  feeling  about 
dancing  she  is  wisest  if  she  says  no  ” courte- 
ously to  the  invitation  that  includes  dancing. 
She  has  no  right  to  go  to  a dance  and  to  make 
her  hostess  uncomfortable  by  refusing  to  do  as  the 
others  are  doing,  and  by  so  airing  her  honest  con- 
victions that  she  impresses  those  around  her  with 
doubts  of  her  belief.  What  she  does  not  approve 
of  she  should  not  look  at.  So  it  should  be  with 
any  games,  or  any  affair  involving  late  hours,  or 
at  which  she  would  meet  undesirable  people. 
The  saying  no  ” is  right,  but  it  must  be  said  at 
the  right  time,  that  is,  it  must  be  said  before  the 
temptation  arises  and  before  you  would  be  forced 
to  appear  as  rude.  You  cannot  accept  an  invita- 


The  Social  Life  of  a Girl 


17 


tion  and  refuse  to  meet  your  hostess’s  friends. 
Once  there,  you  are  bound  to  be  polite  to  them, 
though  afterward  you  need  only  recognize  them 
very  faintly,  and  gradually  the  recognition  may 
die  away  altogether.  It  is  always  permissible  to 
refuse  to  have  a man  presented  to  you  if  another 
man  offers  to  do  it,  but  you  can  never  do  this  to 
your  hostess.  You  want  a form  of  declination  for 
those  invitations  which  you  are  sure  will  place 
you  either  in  disagreeable  positions  or  among  peo- 
ple whom  you  do  not  care  to  meet  ? Well,  here 
is  one  that  is  always  courteous  and  which  is,  at 
the  same  time,  truthful : 

Miss  Brown  thanks  Mrs.  Charles  Jones  for 
her  kind  invitation  for  Wednesday  evening,  and 
regrets  her  inability  to  accept  it.” 

That  is  a note  that  can  never  be  questioned, 
and  no  hostess  is  ever  supposed  to  ask  one  one’s 
reason  for  declining  her  invitation. 


SOME  LITTLE  SUGGESTIONS 

I realize  that  in  many  small  places  the  custom 
obtains  for  the  young  girl  of  the  house  to  receive 
visitors  alone  and  that  it  is  very  general,  but  kill  I 
do  not  think  it  is  right.  I believe  implicitly  in  my 
girl,  but  I want  her  to  make  a change  about  this. 
Have  the  parlor  the  prettiest  and  most  comfortable 
room  in  the  house,  but  don’t  be  alone  there — have 


2 


i8 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


some,  if  not  all  the  members  of  the  family  with  you, 
and  let  whatever  fun  there  is  to  the  fore  be  enjoyed 
by  everybody.  The  most  popular  girl  I ever  knew, 
and  one  who  was  most  admired  by  men  and 
women  alike,  told  me  that  she  never  knew  what 
it  was  to  see  visitors  alone  until  after  she  was 
married.  All  the  young  men  who  were  acquaint- 
ed with  her  said  they  liked  to  visit  her  because 
they  got  a chance  to  have  interesting  conversa- 
tion, or  sing  choruses,  and  two  or  three  of  them 
were  quite  used  to  helping  her  arrange  a bit  of 
supper  for  the  rest.  One  of  them  said,  It  is 
different  from  going  to  see  the  other  girls ; there 
you  go  right  into  the  home ; at  another  girl’s 
house  you  sit  in  the  parlor  and  after  awhile  she 
comes  down,  and  the  family  stay  away  from  that 
room  as  if  the  plague  were  there,  and  the  girl  acts 
half  silly,  and  after  a fellow  goes  home  he  thinks 
he  has  behaved  like  a fool.  ’ ’ And  he  probably 
has. 

If  I were  you  I should  arrange  my  parlor  with 
a view  of  furnishing  subjects  for  conversation. 
I’d  have  whatever  illustrated  magazines  or  papers 
I possessed  in  full  view ; any  photographs  of 
celebrities ; the  piano  open  and  the  music  on 
it,  and  end  by  making  everybody  take  an  interest 
in  everybody  else.  If  you  want  to  make  the  peo- 
ple about  you,  young  men  and  young  women 
with  whom  you  associate,  better  and  brighter, 


The  Social  Life  of  a Girl 


19 


you  must  be  the  master  spirit  that  substitutes  that 
which  is  interesting  and  innocent  for  that  which 
is,  possibly,  customary  and  not  quite  so  innocent. 
It  is  in  your  power  to  obliterate  the  vulgar  kissing 
games  by  offering  instead  interesting  conversation, 
cheerful  music,  and  even  puzzling  contests  for 
them.  Society  does  not  approve  of  freedom,  al- 
though it  may  laugh  at  innocent  frivolity. 


SOME  OTHER  SMALL  POINTS 

To  the  girl  who  wants  to  know,  and  who  has 
asked  me  so  many  times  if  she  must  look  after  a 
man^s  coat  and  hat,  I again  answer  by  saying, 
‘‘No,  let  him  care  for  them  himself.”  Neither 
is  it  necessary  for  her  to  follow  him  into  the  hall, 
unless,  indeed,  she  should  be  seeing  off  a party, 
in  which  are  included  some  girl  friends.  The 
girl  in  society,  if  she  is  a social  success,  soon 
learns  the  value  of  politeness  as  regards  little  af- 
fairs. She  learns  to  ignore  the  using  the  wrong 
spoon  or  fork  ; I mean  ignores  the  little  mistake, 
and  realizes  that  while  it  is  desirable  to  fully  un- 
derstand all  the  minor  points  of  etiquette,  they  do 
not  absolutely  comprise  pure  politeness,  for  this, 
my  dear  girl,  must  come  from  the  heart.  It  is 
your  duty,  your  social  duty,  to  educate  gently, 
and  by  example,  the  various  young  men  who 
come  around  you,  in  the  little  ways  of  etiquette 


20 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


which  they  have  ignored  heretofore,  but  which 
have  seemed  so  easy  to  you.  A clever  man  once 
said  that  he  could  always  tell  from  a young  man’s 
manners  the  sort  of  women  with  whom  he  associ- 
ated, and  really  I think  this  was  one  of  the  best 
tributes  ever  paid  to  the  influence  of  woman. 

I do  not  believe  in  allowing  men  to  conclude 
that  because  you  know  them  well  and  like  them, 
they  can  do  as  they  please  before  you.  I saw 
one  man  subdue  a familiarity  on  the  part  of  an- 
other one  evening  in  a way  that  was  a delight  to 
my  soul.  There  had  been  a good  bit  of  fun  and 
laughter,  and  the  young  man,  who  was  rather 
lively,  said,  taking  out  his  cigarette  case  and 
looking  inquiringly  at  the  young  man  who  had 
brought  him,  I don’t  suppose  Miss  Stuart  would 
mind  our  smoking.”  Before  the  embarrassed 
hostess  could  do  anything  more  than  blush,  the 
other  man  said,  ‘‘  I have  known  her  for  five  years 
and  I have  never  even  had  the  impertinence  to 
ask  her.”  That  was  a friend  in  need.  Months 
afterward  the  young  man  made  his  apology,  and 
said  that  up  to  that  time  he  had  gone  among 
women  whom  he  had  treated  as  if  they  were  all 
good  comrades.  Again  I repeat  that  if  one  wishes 
a friendship  to  last,  a woman  must  be  a man’s  com- 
panion and  not  his  comrade. 


The  Social  Life  of  a Girl 


21 


HER  QUESTION  AND  MY  ANSWER 

But/ ' says  my  young  girl,  you  talk  about  my 
being  entertaining  to  young  men,  attracting  them 
and  retaining  them  as  friends.  What  is  their 
duty?  And  don’t  you  think  they  are  being  con- 
sidered a little  too  much?”  Well,  you  see,  my 
dear,  I am  not  talking  to  young  men,  in  the  first 
place,  and  then  I do  not  think  they  are  being  ca- 
tered to  too  much. 

Society  is  formed  by  the  coming  together  in 
pleasant  intercourse  of  women  and  men.  Its 
mainspring  is  the  family.  And  though  our  girls 
are  not  sold  to  the  highest  bidder,  nor  are  they 
slaves  in  any  sense  of  the  word,  still  each  one  real- 
izes that  she  wishes  to  marry,  because  her  heart  is 
full  of  love,  and  because  it  is  natural  to  give  that 
love  to  her  opposite.  Man,  it  is  claimed,  rules  all 
the  greater  affairs  of  life,  but  it  has  never  been 
claimed  that  he  ever  attempted  to  take  away  from 
woman  her  social  prerogative,  and  this  means  a 
deal  more  than  just  deciding  how  to  amuse  one’s 
self  and  how  not  to  be  bored,  for  it  means  building 
up  a wall  against  wrong  and  showing  the  beauty 
and  the  sweetness  of  right. 

My  dear  girl,  you  can  do  that.  Society  is  good 
or  bad  as  women  make  it,  and  about  you,  although 
you  may  spend  your  day  behind  the  desk  or  be 


22 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


busied  in  household  matters,  you  can  collect  the 
best  of  society  and  get  the  greatest  amount  of  hap- 
piness out  of  it.  Have  a little  confidence  in  your- 
self ; don't  be  afraid  to  think  out  problems  for 
yourself,  and  when  you  have  worked  them  out  in 
your  mind  don’t  be  afraid  to  put  them  in  practice, 
but  always  with  courtesy.  Society  cannot  exist 
without  politeness,  and  politeness  means  consider- 
ation. The  American  girl  has  shown,  all  the  world 
over,  her  adaptability.  Now  let  her  make  the 
best  society  wherever  she  may  be.  She  can  do  it, 
for  she  does  not  lack  brains,  she  does  not  lack 
consideration,  but  just  at  times  she  does  not  see 
the  value  of  conventionality.  I want  her  to  think 
over  how  it  protects  her  ; I want  her  to  be  the  girl 
in  society,  popular  and  pleasant,  whose  greatest 
charm  is  that  while  she  is  courteous  to  every- 
body, she  is  always  sincere  and  doesn’t  make  blun- 
ders.  That  is  the  art  of  social  life. 


1 


GIRL  LIFE  IN  NEW  YORK  CITY 

OU  are  one  among  the  many  thousands 
who  write  to  tell  me  that  you  want  to 
leave  home  and  make  your  own  living. 
Apparently  you  never  stop  to  consider 
that  doing  your  duty  as  a daughter  is  earning  your 
own  livelihood ; but  being  possessed  of  a vague 
spirit  of  unrest,  you  want  to  come  to  the  great  me- 
tropolis and  enter  the  ranks  of  the  workers,  receiving 
in  absolute  money  what  is  considered  the  value  of 
your  work.  Have  you  ever  thought  out  what  girl  life 
in  New  York  is?  I mean  the  life  of  the  girl  who 
has  to  work  for  the  money  with  which  she  pays  for 
her  bread  and  butter,  the  clothes  she  wears,  and  what- 
ever little  pleasure  she  has.  You  have  wonderful 
dreams  of  independence.  You  think  how  you  will 
rise  and  rise  and  rise,  and  with  the  hopefulness  of 
eighteen  you  see  a great  future  before  you.  Sup- 
pose I tell  you  exactly  what  the  life  of  the  New 
York  working  girl  is.  If  this  will  keep  one  girl 


24 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


at  home  I shall  feel  that  all  my  thought  has  not 
been  in  vain,  and  if  one  girl  is  convinced  that,  by 
staying  at  home  and  helping  with  head  and  heart, 
living  out  her  life  as  it  is  planned  for  her,  she  is 
doing  right,  I shall  feel  so  glad  that  extra  thanks 
will  go  up  to  Him  who  careth  for  all,  and  before 
whom  the  rich  and  the  poor  are  equal. 


THE  GIRL  IN  THE  GREAT  TOWN 

A girl,  who,  one  year  ago,  came  to  New  York 
from  a country  town,  obtained  a position  in  one 
of  the  big  shops,  is  well  liked  by  her  customers  and 
the  people  in  authority  over  her,  works  from  eight 
o’clock  in  the  morning  until  six  at  night,  with 
half  an  hour’s  intermission  for  luncheon,  and  earns 
exactly  six  dollars  a week.  She  is  considered  ex- 
tremely fortunate,  for  girls  who  are  near  her,  and 
who  work  for  the  same  length  of  time,  are  only 
earning  four  or  five.  The  six  dollars  a week  in  a 
small  town  sounds  like  a great  deal  of  money.  In 
New  York  it  barely  keeps  girls  from  starvation,  or 
worse.  I will  tell  you  how  the  money  goes.  My 
friend  pays  four  dollars  a week  for  her  board,  and 
occupies  a room  with  another  girl ; her  washing 
costs  her  fifty  cents  a week,  her  car  fare  fifty  more. 
and  she  has  one  dollar  left,  out  of  which  to  dress 
herself,  to  buy  the  little  necessaries  of  life  and, 
God  help  her,  to  get  her  pleasures.  She  tells  me 


Girl  Life  in  New  York  City 


25 


that  so  far  she  has  had  to  buy  no  clothes,  for  she 
came  here  with  a good  stock,  and  that  the  firm  at 
Christmas-time  gave  the  girls  their  choice  of  a 
cashmere  dress  or  money,  and  that  she  took  the 
cashmere  dress,  hoping  in  time  to  save  enough 
money  to  get  it  made.  Why  does  she  not  do  it 
herself?  Do  you  suppose  that  after  standing  all 
day,  working  with  hands,  eyes,  feet,  and  brain, 
she  is  in  a condition  to  sew  at  night  ? Do  you 
not  know  that  her  feet  are  tired,  that  her  back 
aches,  and  that  when  she  returns  from  work  she 
is  unable  to  do  anything  but  rest  ? 

WHAT  HER  HOME  IS 

You  know  she  never  calls  it  home ; she  always 
speaks  of  it  as  the  house  where  I board.  And 
you  do  not  wonder  at  this  after  you  have  seen  it. 
She  and  the  girl  with  whom  she  chums  have  a 
hall  room  on  the  top  floor,  three  flights  up.  It  is 
furnished  with  a high  chest  of  drawers,  topped  by 
a small  looking-glass ; there  are  three  chairs  in 
various  stages  of  decay,  a medium-sized  wash- 
stand  and,  abomination  of  abominations,  a fold- 
ing-bed. Just  why  there  should  be  a folding-bed 
is  not  explained,  for  visitors  are  seldom  in  this 
room,  and  no  man  visitor,  not  even  one^s  own 
father,  would  be  permitted  up  there.  The  room 
is  heated,  so  it  is  claimed,  from  a dark  register. 


26 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


but  through  this  there  comes  the  odor  of  every- 
thing that  is  cooking,  or  has  ever  been  cooked, 
and  the  warmth  is  quite  secondary  to  the  various 
smells. 

The  girls,  bless  them,  have  tried  to  give  the 
place  a home-like  air,  and  there  are  a few  photo- 
graphs, a book  or  two,  a little  Bible,  a devotional 
book  and  some  of  their  belongings  about,  but  all 
the  womanliness  in  the  world  could  not  make  home 
of  a place  like  this.  The  food  given,  oddly  enough, 
is  not  bad,  neither  is  it  good.  If  a girl  was  out 
in  the  open  air  and  was  healthy  and  well,  not 
knowing  what  the  close  air  of  a store  was,  she 
could  come  in,  eat  and  enjoy  her  dinner,  but  these 
girls  are  too  tired  to  eat.  Everything  seems  too 
heavy  to  them,  and  as  the  boarding-house  keeper 
takes  them  as  boarders,  and  does  not  propose  ca- 
tering to  their  special  conditions  for  the  price  they 
pay,  they  are  obliged  to  make  the  best  of  what 
they  have.  Breakfast,  at  which  too  often  liver 
and  bacon  and  overdone  steak  appear,  is  not  ap- 
petizing, for  the  cloth  bears  the  stains  of  the  din- 
ner of  the  night  before,  and  a fresh  napkin  in 
the  morning  is  unknown.  One  or  two  cups  of 
coffee  are  taken,  and,  improperly  equipped,  bod- 
ily, for  the  day’s  work,  the  girl  goes  out  to  meet 
it,  and  begins  by  feeling  tired.  The  laws  of  the 
State  command  that  there  shall  be  seats  for  girls 
when  they  are  not  actually  employed,  but  the  near- 


Girl  Life  in  New  York  City 


27 


est  approach  a shopper  ever  sees  to  this  is  a girl 
leaning  in  a tired  way  against  one  of  the  shelves. 
Do  you  blame  these  girls  for  getting  so  tired  that 
they  lose  hope  ? Do  you  blame  them  when,  seeing 
so  little  of  happiness  themselves,  they  think  God 
has  forgotten  them  ? You  cannot,  my  friend,  you 
cannot. 

HER  SOCIAL  LIFE 

My  girl  is  a social  little  creature.  At  home  the 
girls  used  to  come  in  of  an  evening  and  talk  and 
laugh,  then  some  sweethearts  would  appear,  there 
would  be  more  talking  and  laughing,  maybe  a lit- 
tle singing,  and  possibly  a lively  game  or  two. 
What  social  life  has  my  girl  now  ? The  other 
night  some  friends  came  to  see  her.  They  were 
taken  into  the  parlor,  which  is  a stiff,  bare-look- 
ing  room,  with  chairs  and  sofas  arranged  against 
the  wall,  and  a black  marble  table,  which  looks 
like  a bier,  in  the  centre.  Other  people  were  there, 
and  everybody  whispered  when  he  talked ; it 
was  not  very  cheerful.  It  failed  to  make  a man 
think  that  a girl  in  that  place  might  know  how  to 
arrange  for  a home,  or  enjoy  the  delights  of  a 
home  nest.  But  what  can  my  girl  do  ? In  time, 
if  she  has  a sweetheart,  he  and  she  both  get  to  un- 
derstand that  if  they  want  to  see  each  other  they 
must  go  out  to  do  it,  and  going  out  night  after 
night  for  this  purpose  does  not  always  tend  to 


28 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


keep  a girl  in  the  straight  line.  I am  sorry  to  say 
this,  but  my  own  girl  told  me  it  was  sadly  true. 

She  knew,  and  I knew,  a pretty  girl,  such  a 
pretty  girl,  who  came  to  New  York  with  the 
country  roses  blooming  on  her  cheeks  and  God's 
own  sunshine  making  her  hair  lovely.  She  was 
young,  healthy,  and  happy.  She  did  not  know 
how  to  be  careful,  she  did  not  know  how  to  just 
make  the  best  of  things  and  get  along  as  most  of 
the  girls  do,  but  she  wanted  pleasure,  she  wanted 
pretty  clothes,  and  she  loved  fun.  Well,  she  got 
into  debt,  and  then  the  theatres  saw  her  every 
night,  first  with  one  man  and  then  with  another, 
and  then — well,  she  never  comes  in  the  store 
now  ; she  has  plenty  of  fine  clothes,  and  she  told 
a girl  she  met,  that  she  was  as  happy  as  the  day  was 
long,  but  somehow  that  girl  did  not  believe  her. 
She  did  not  have  to  get  up  early  in  the  morning 
any  more,  she  was  not  answerable  to  anybody,  so 
she  said,  but  the  girl  who  spoke  to  her  went  back 
and  said  to  the  other  ones,  and  there  was  a tear 
in  her  voice : I could  not  blame  her;  she  was 

young  and  pretty,  and  she  wanted  happiness  and 
pleasure.  I do  not  know  whether  she  has  found 
it  or  not,  but  let's  every  one  of  us  pray  for  help  to 
try  and  drag  along. ' ' 

That  is  what  they  pray  for.  Think  of  it,  you 
happy  people  ! For  help  to  try  and  drag  along. 
You  never  prayed  for  that  at  home.  Maybe  you 


Girl  Life  in  New  York  City 


29 


did  get  tired  of  helping  to  make  beds  and  wash 
dishes  and  fix  over  clothes,  but  there  were  times 
that  were  your  own,  when  you  could  go  into  the 
room  that  was  yours  and  think  all  by  yourself. 
There  is  a deal  in  that,  having  a place  for  your- 
self, and  my  girl  does  not  get  it.  She  has  to  share 
her  home  with  a friend.  And  no  matter  how 
near  and  dear  anybody  may  be,  there  are  always 
times  when  one  wants  to  be  alone.  It  is  the  right 
of  every  human  being.  But  my  girl  cannot  have 
it,  as  it  costs  too  much. 


AT  THE  FIRST  GLANCE 

When  my  girl  first  took  her  position,  she  won- 
dered how,  on  the  wages  earned,  some  of  the 
girls  near  her  were  so  well  dressed.  After  a while 
she  discovered.  They  were  girls  who  lived  in 
New  York,  who  were  not  obliged  to  pay  their 
own  board  because  they  had  homes,  and  who 
used  their  money  entirely  for  their  clothes.  They 
took  these  positions  because  they  wanted  finer 
clothes  than  their  parents  could  give  them,  and 
the  proprietors  of  the  stores  were  only  too  glad  to 
have  well-dressed  girls  behind  their  counters.  In 
my  own  personal  acquaintance  there  is  one  girl 
who  dresses  extremely  well,  and  who  shows  that 
she  lives  well  from  her  healthy  appearance.  In- 
quiry proved  that  her  father  is  employed  by  the 


30 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


Government,  and  that  she  spends  more  money 
than  she  earns  for  her  wearing  apparel.  Many 
other  girls  are  helped  out  by  their  friends  at  home, 
so  that  the  girl  who  has  to  live  and  dress  herself 
out  of  her  own  earnings,  unless  she  is  very  care- 
ful, chances  the  being  discharged  because  she 
does  not  look  as  well  as  the  other  young  ladies 
behind  the  counter.’^  My  girl  is  good  at  mend- 
ing and  freshening  up,  and  as  yet  her  eyes  permit 
her  to  brush  and  clean  her  frocks  in  the  evenings, 
but  girls  who  have  been  at  work  many  years,  are, 
unhappily,  forced  either  to  go  shabby  and  untidy- 
looking,  or  to  mend  their  belongings  on  Sunday, 
because  they  are  too  tired  at  night.  I am  not 
writing  anything  that  emanates  from  my  fancy. 
I am  stating  simple  facts,  and  I know  absolutely 
whereof  I speak. 

Too  often,  because  she  is  unused  to  thinking 
out  money  problems,  my  girl  gets  into  debt.  Her 
landlady  may  be  kindhearted,  and  trust  her  for  a 
week’s  board,  or  even  for  a little  longer.  She 
may  have  borrowed  a little  money  from  a girl 
who  has  saved  some,  and  at  the  drug  store  or  at 
the  dressmaker’s  she  may  have  a little  account. 
What  is  she  to  do  ? Say  that  she  pays  her  board 
promptly,  she  will  still  find  herself  a week  or  two 
behind.  She  does  not  make  enough  money  to 
catch  up,  and,  unfortunately,  she  seldom  has  the 
courage  to  go  to  her  creditors  and  offer  to  pay  her 


Girl  Life  in  New  York  City 


31 


account  in  very  small  sums,  say  fifty  cents  at  a 
time.  The  burden  of  debt  is  about  her  neck ; 
if  she  is  an  honest  girl  she  will  do  as  I have  sug- 
gested ; if  not,  she  will  leave  the  boarding-house 
in  disgrace,  go  to  a different  neighborhood,  pos- 
sibly do  exactly  the  same  thing  there,  and  as  the 
descent  is  always  rapid,  she  will  in  time  lose  all 
feeling  of  honor  as  far  as  money  is  concerned. 
True,  poverty  has  brought  her  to  that  condition, 
but  did  she  not  seek  that  special  state  ? 

SUPPOSE  YOU  ARE  SICK 

That  you  are  good  to  each  other,  you  working 
girls,  when  trouble  comes  is  undeniable,  but,  oh, 
you  have  so  little  to  be  good  with  ! You  cannot 
even  give  of  your  time,  for  it  does  not  belong  to 
you.  It  is  possible  that  there  is  a society  in  your 
store  to  which  each  one  contributes  twenty-five 
cents  a month  ; then  when  you  are  sick  you  re- 
ceive from  three  to  five  dollars,  but  your  board 
goes  on  just  the  same,  your  wages  from  the  store 
do  not  come,  there  is  possibly  a doctor,  certainly 
medicine,  but,  if  you  have  a long  illness,  the 
possibility  that  your  place  has  been  filled  stares 
you  in  the  face.  There  is  no  time  to  look  after 
ill  people  in  the  work-a-day  world.  Everyone 
of  your  comrades  may  be  sorry  for  you,  may  do 
her  best  to  help  you  out,  but  they  can  neither  re- 


32 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


serve  your  position  for  you,  nor  convince  your 
employers  that  you  are  a il^cessity. 

A little  while  ago  I was  in  one  of  the  best 
stores  in  New  York,  when  the  girl  who  was  wait- 
ing on  me  turned  deadly  white,  swayed  to  and 
fro,  and  I thought  was  going  to  faint.  One  of 
her  comrades  put  her  arm  around  her,  while  an- 
other finished  attending  to  me.  Then  I said  : I 

will  get  a glass  of  water  for  that  girl,  and  speak  to 
the  floor- walker  and  ask  him  to  allow  her  to  go 
home,’^  but  her  friend  said  to  me:  Please 

don't,  ma'am;  Annie  has  these  fainting  attacks 
often,  and  we  all  try  to  help  her  out,  but  if  it  is 
once  known  how  delicate  she  is  she  will  be  dis- 
charged, and  she  has  nobody  to  take  care  of  her." 
What  could  I do  ? I was  perfectly  helpless,  for  I 
could  not  guarantee  that  after  I went  away  she 
might  not  be  told  that  she  could  go,  but  she  need 
not  come  back.  So  you  see  in  considering  the 
question  of  earning  your  living  in  New  York,  you 
have  to  think  of  yourself  as  well  or  sick,  and  you 
must  remember  what  enormous  chances  you  take. 


GIRLS  WHO  PAINT  OR  TEACH 

Somebody  says:  ^^You  are  only  taking  the 
class  of  girls  who  go  into  the  stores."  I do  that 
because  they  form  the  greatest  number,  and  be- 
cause they  are  the  girls  who  come  here  from  the 


Girl  Life  in  New  York  City 


33 


small  towns.  The  girl  who  paints,  or  the  girl 
who  teaches  painting,  has,  however,  by  no  means 
an  easy  life,  that  is,  if  she  is  entirely  dependent 
on  her  own  exertions.  I do  not  speak  of  the  girh 
who  have  friends  to  care  for  them,  or  incomes  of 
their  own.  Of  course,  it  is  claimed  that  girls  who 
have  friends  to  care  for  them  should  not  in  any 
way  take  the  bread  out  of  the  mouths  of  those  who 
absolutely  need  it ; but  this  state  of  affairs  is 
caused  almost  entirely  by  the  desire  of  the  many 
girls  to  shirk  home  duties  and  earn  money  out- 
side. The  right  or  wrong  of  this  must  be  decided 
by  the  girls  themselves.  I can  best  explain  how 
many  a girl  who  paints  well  is  placed — and  you 
must  remember  how  many  there  are  who  only 
paint  fairly — if  I tell  you  the  story  of  one. 

She  came  to  New  York  with  the  prestige  of  hav- 
ing had  a picture  in  the  Paris  Salon,  a few  pictures 
already  done,  and  about  one  hundred  dollars  in 
money.  She  was  used  to  economizing,  and  ex- 
pected to  do  it.  She  took  a studio,  for  which  she 
had  to  pay  thirty  dollars  a month,  and  by  spread- 
ing about  her  little  belongings  she  made  it  look 
pretty.  What  seemed  like  a lounge  was  really  her 
bed,  and  she  did  her  cooking  on  a little  gas-stove. 
She  exhibited  a picture  at  the  Academy,  but  it 
was  not  sold.  She  painted  away  day  in  and  day 
out,  and  principally  because  she  had  no  social 

connections  there  was  no  sale  for  her  work.  Then 
3 


34 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


she  took  to  doing  dinner  cards.  They  were  mar- 
vellously artistic,  but  because  of  the  time  devoted 
to  each  she  had  to  ask  a higher  price  than  people 
were  willing  to  pay.  She  worked  along  with  a 
brave  heart,  and  one  day  sold  a picture  for  seventy- 
five  dollars  ; that  seventy-five  dollars  was  mortgaged 
to  the  extent  of  fifty,  but  she  paid  her  debts  and 
started  to  work  again.  A woman  friend  sat  for 
her  and  the  picture  was  sold,  because  this  special 
woman  was  the  model.  A little  cooking  was 
done  on  the  gas-stove,  but  the  body  was  not  well 
cared  for,  and  after  three  years  of  struggling,  after 
three  years  of  trying  to  sell  pictures,  souvenirs,  din- 
ner cards,  or  anything  that  the  public  seemed  to 
demand,  she  broke  down,  and  casting  paint- 
brushes to  the  wind,  married.  With  what  result  ? 
Broken  in  spirit,  weak  and  impoverished  in  body, 
she  was  only  able  to  live  long  enough  to  bring 
into  the  world  a sad-eyed  little  baby,  to  kiss  it 
once,  to  turn  her  face  to  the  wall,  and  to  close  her 
eyes  to  this  world  forever. 

WHAT  DO  I MEAN? 

That  is  what  you  are  asking,  and  this  is  what  I 
have  to  say.  I have  no  desire  to  seem  to  wish  to 
crush  a laudable  ambition  in  any  girl,  but  I do 
most  earnestly  pray  that  my  girls  all  over  the 
country  will  think  over  this  picture  of  girl  life  in 


Girl  Life  in  New  York  City  ^ 35 


New  York  City — the  great  city  of  which  you  read 
and  hear  so  much — realize  its  sorrows,  its  worries, 
and  the  small,  almost  infinitesimal  amount  of  en- 
joyment in  it,  and  then  think  of  their  lives  at 
home.  ^ ^ Helping  mother  ’ ’ may  grow  tiresome,  but 
if  you  are  sick  you  will  be  cared  for,  if  you  are 
tired  you  may  rest,  and  nobody  like  your  own 
home  people  will  find  so  much  delight  in  seeing 
you  have  a happy  time.  In  your  home  you  are 
earning  your  own  living  when  you  lend  a helping 
hand,  are  cheerful  and  bright,  and  do  your  best  to 
make  others  happy.  You  are  earning  the  best  sort 
of  a living,  for  you  are  making  life  seem  worth 
while  ; you  are  training  yourself  for  home  life,  and 
that  is  the  best  that  can  come  to  you.  Unfortu- 
nately, there  are  thousands  of  girls  who  have  to 
work  outside  their  homes  ; give  them  your  sym- 
pathy and  your  greatest  pity,  but  get  down  on  your 
knees  and  thank  the  good  God,  who  made  you,  for 
the  privilege  of  working  at  home,  and  of  being  out 
of  the  great  world  where  there  is  no  time  for  any- 
thing but  work,  where  the  sick  and  the  helpless 
fall  by  the  wayside  unnoticed. 


THE  COUNTRY  GIRL 

country  girl,  by  whom  I mean  the 
who  lives  outside  of  the  large  cities, 
always  been  very  dear  to  me,  be- 
se  it  has  not  been  so  very  many 
years  since  I knew  what  life  in  a small  town  meant, 
and  when,  although  I was  only  six  miles  from  a 
large  city,  I delighted  in  calling  myself  ^^a  coun- 
try girl.’’  Nowadays  the  country  girl  seems  to 
have  an  idea  that  in  some  way  her  city  cousin  is 
superior  to  her.  But  my  experience  among  both 
city  and  country  girls  has  taught  me  that  the 
country  girl  has  untold  advantages.  In  the  first 
place  she  has  more  time,  her  life  is  not  so  com- 
plex, and  she  has  the  leisure,  I am  judging  from 
her  letters,  to  educate  her  mind,  strengthen  her 
body,  and  keep  herself  delightfully  feminine. 

When  the  city  cousin  comes  to  seek  green  fields 
and  pastures  new,  she  is,  I am  afraid,  inclined  to 
be  a little  arrogant ; not  intentionally,  but  be- 


The  Country  Girl 


37 


cause  her  life  in  the  city  has  made  her  feel  that 
she  knows  all  that  is  worth  knowing,  and  it  seems 
to  her  that  the  social  laws  of  her  small  circle  gov- 
ern the  world.  Right  is  right  everywhere  and  at 
all  times,  but  what  would  be  counted  a breach  of 
etiquette  in  the  city  may  be  nothing  but  a neigh 
borly  kindness  in  the  country,  and  no  thought  of 
wrong  is  given  to  it  until  the  city  girl  suggests  it. 
Long  ago  she  was  told  that  it  was  not  correct  for 
her  to  go  driving  with  a young  man  alone;  her 
cousin  in  the  country  feels  very  grateful  when  a 
neighbor  who  is  going  to  the  nearest  town,  stops 
and  takes  her  in  his  buggy,  and  gives  her  time  to 
do  her  shopping  at  the  country  store,  and  then 
brings  her  back  home ; there  is  not  a thought  of 
anything  wrong  about  this,  and  Chevalier  Bayard 
could  not  be  more  courteous  than  is  her  neigh- 
bor. I think  the  city  girl  very  often  forgets  that 
the  country  is  not  environed  by  an  iron  railing 
with  a plot  of  grass  behind  it  and  a back  yard. 
Lilies  grow  in  country  gardens,  and  country  girls 
are  very  often  as  ignorant  of  evil  as  the  lilies  them- 
selves. 

TO  IMPROVE  HERSELF 

A question  that  is  continually  asked  by  the  girl 
who  is  far  off  from  the  picture  galleries,  the  libra- 
ries, and  the  great  centres  of  civilization  is,  how 
she  shall  improve  her  mind.  She  does  not  wish 


3S 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


to  be  ignorant  of  what  is  going  on  in  the  world, 
and  yet  perhaps  she  meets  no  one  who  has  abso- 
lutely come  in  contact  with  the  busy  world  itself. 
Now,  the  best  thing  for  her  to  do  is  to  see  the 
world  as  in  a looking-glass,  that  is,  to  read  good 
newspapers,  as  many  of  the  magazines  as  possible, 
and,  best  of  all,  to  discuss  with  someone  else  the 
questions  of  the  day ; it  may  be  with  her  father, 
her  brother,  or  her  mother.  She  can  keep  herself 
well  informed  in  this  way,  I am  positively  certain ; 
many  a country  girl  does,  I am  equally  certain. 
Then,  too,  whenever  there  is  an  opportunity  it 
will  be  wise  for  her  to  blot  out  the  petty  gossip 
that  exists  in  her  own  particular  set,  and  gently, 
but  easily,  interest  her  companions  in  events  and 
things  in  the  outside  world  rather  than  the  affairs 
of  the  neighborhood.  The  country  girl  who  will 
think  out,  as  she  works  away  at  her  daily  tasks, 
that  which  is  of  interest  to  the  whole  world,  is 
armed  to  go  anywhere  and  to  meet  anybody,  for 
she  is  feeding  her  mind  with  a diet  that  will 
strengthen  and  widen  it.  Don’t,  my  dear  girl,  as 
I said  before,  let  yourself  drift  into  the  personal- 
ities of  the  neighborhood,  for  as  sure  as  you  do 
you  will  become  quite  as  narrow  as  the  city  cousin, 
who  thinks  that  what  we  do  in  our  set  ” is  as 
important  as  the  actions  of  Mr.  Gladstone. 


The  Country  Girl 


39 


ABOUT  HER  OPINIONS 

The  country  girl  is  very  apt  to  be  decided  in 
her  views : she  has  had  time  to  think  them  over 
and  to  form  them,  and  she  has,  as  the  darkies 
down  South  say,  made  up  her  mind.''  But  she 
must  not  force  her  opinions  on  other  people. 
That  is  to  say,  because  she  believes  one  thing  she 
must  not  conclude  that  every  one  who  dilfers  with 
her  is  wrong.  She  may  refuse  to  do  what  she 
does  not  think  right,  but  she  has  no  right  to  do 
it  in  such  a manner  that  she  is  a wet  blanket  upon 
everybody  else.  What  is  one  man's  meat  is  dis- 
tinctly another  man’s  poison,  and  difference  in 
education,  in  surroundings,  and  in  habits,  may 
make  what  is  wrong  to  her  right  to  somebody  else. 
While  she  would  be  horrified  at  her  city  cousin 
dancing  a Virginia  reel,  her  city  cousin  would 
be  amazed  at  seeing  her  play  a kissing  game  at  a 
church  picnic.  This  is  just  one  comparison,  but 
it  gives  an  idea  of  what  I mean. 

ABOUT  HER  CLOTHES 

That  country  girl  is  wise  who,  remembering 
that  the  blue  of  the  skies  and  the  green  of  the  trees 
form  her  background,  elects  that  during  the  sum- 
mer she  shall  wear  pretty  cottons  daintily  made, 


40 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


and  wide-brimmed,  somewhat  fantastic  straw  hats. 
She  would  be  entirely  out  of  place  in  stuffy  wool- 
lens or  elaborate  silks,  and  yet  each  one  of  you 
knows  that  this  mistake  is  sometimes  made.  For 
the  morning  she  can  have  the  simplest  ginghams 
or  lawns,  and  for  the  evening  a somewhat  more 
elaborate,  but  still  a cotton,  costume.  She  is  un- 
wise in  imitating  her  city  cousin,  who  nine  times 
out  of  ten  looks  over-dressed  when  she  is  in  the 
country.  I wish  I could  make  the  country  girl 
understand  exactly  the  charm,  the  restful  charm 
that  there  is  in  her  simplicity,  and  I wish  I could 
make  her  content.  I know  it  is  in  the  heart  of 
every  girl  to  long  for  pretty  gov/ns,  and  a much 
betrimmed  silk  frock  may  look  very  charming  to 
the  girl  who  has  not  one,  while  to  the  unpreju- 
diced observer  it  seems  absolutely  out  of  place. 


WHAT  TO  TALK  ABOUT 

When  the  city  cousin  comes,  and  the  girls  who 
are  to  have  tea  with  you  are  all  together,  don’t 
ask  questions  about  the  silly  habits  of  the  town, 
and  above  all  things,  if  you  hear  of  some  silly 
habit  affected  by  a so-called  fashionable  woman, 
don’t  attempt  to  imitate  her  in  her  folly.  Induce 
your  city  cousin  to  tell  you  about  the  things  worth 
seeing  and  hearing  about : of  the  great  paintings, 
of  the  wonderful  naval  show,  and  how  our  Amer- 


The  Country  Girl 


41 


ican  ships  contrasted  with  those  of  other  nations, 
of  the  flower-market,  and  how  it  interests  city 
women,  while  you  country  girls  have  so  many 
flowers  you  scarcely  seem  to  set  any  value  on 
them.  But  do  not  ask  about  little  vices,  and  do 
not  believe  that  well-bred  women  in  the  cities  do 
many  of  the  ill-bred  things  that  are  described — 
that  they  smoke  cigarettes,  that  their  gowns  are 
cut  immodestly,  that  they  are  slaves  to  drink  or 
opium,  that  they  are  oflensively  free  in  their  lan- 
guage— there  may  be  such  women,  such  women 
are  everywhere.  But,  my  dear  child,  a gentle- 
woman is  always  the  same,  be  she  in  the  city  or 
the  country,  and  she  is  not  addicted  to  anything 
that  takes  away  from  her  womanliness.  Talk 
about  frocks  if  you  like,  there  is  no  harm  in  that ; 
hear  pretty  ones  described,  they  are  a pleasure  and 
a delight  to  the  eyes  ; but  if  you  feel  the  little 
demon  of  envy  biting  at  your  heartstrings,  change 
the  subject  right  away.  You  think  the  city  girl, 
as  she  talks  about  amusements  and  admirers,  must 
have  a very  good  time  in  life.  It  is  not  as  good 
as  yours,  for  she  does  not  have  plenty  of  fresh  air, 
she  does  not  know  the  joys  of  the  singing  birds, 
she  cannot  tell  the  flower  or  the  bloom  of  the  tree 
that  announces  the  coming  of  spring,  and  her 
world  is,  curiously  enough,  a much  smaller  one 
than  yours. 


42 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


ABOUT  HER  SWEETHEART 

Of  course  you  believe  in  him.  But  still  you 
have  quite  a funny  little  heartbeat  when  you  see 
his  eyes  open  wide  with  admiration  as  he  looks  at 
your  city  cousin,  who,  in  a ribbon-trimmed  gown 
of  summer  silk,  seems  like  a Dresden  statuette. 
It  is  useless  to  say  you  are  foolish.  But  you  are. 
If  he  is  worth  anything,  if  he  is  worth  the  having, 
he  will  never  give  you  up  for  the  city  cousin,  and 
any  courtesy  he  may  show  her  will  probably  be 
not  only  because  she  interests  him,  but  especially 
because  he  loves  you.  Sweethearts,  my  dear,  are 
much  truer  than  we  give  them  credit  for,  and  if 
you  want  to  keep  yours  believe  in  him,  and  that 
belief  will  make  belief.  If  his  so-called  love  has 
only  been  the  fancy  of  a moment,  then  be  thank- 
ful that  by  the  appearance  of  the  city  cousin  you 
discovered  in  time  that  what  you  thought  was  pure 
gold  was  not  even  silver  gilt. 

Some  country  girls  tell  me  of  little  liberties  they 
allow  their  sweethearts,  and  which  can  really  not 
be  called  wrong,  but  I wish  I could  make  them 
understand  how  much  more  what  a man  cannot  get, 
is  to  him,  than  what  is  given  to  him  as  if  it  were 
of  no  worth.  No,  my  dear  country  girl,  I do  not 
think  you  ought  to  let  your  sweetheart  kiss  you 
whenever  he  wishes.  A kiss  from  you  should  mean 


The  Country  Girl 


43 


so  much  that  it  should  be  an  event,  and  then  he 
will  be  certain  that  nobody  else  is  getting  your 
treasures,  and  that  you  are  hoarding  great  expres- 
sions of  affection  for  the  time  when  you  shall  be 
his  very  own.  The  city  girl,  in  keeping  her  sweet- 
heart at  a little  distance  is  very  wise,  and  the  coun- 
try girl  should  be  equally  wise.  I do  not  mean 
there  should  be  no  love-making — I like  that  old- 
fashioned  word — but  I do  believe  that  a little  too 
much  freedom  is  a speck  on  the  perfect  fruit  of 
love,  and  it  is  one  which  it  is  in  the  power  of  the 
girl  to  prevent. 


WHEN  SHE  GOES  TO  TOWN 

The  country  girl  away  from  home  is  a bit  troub- 
led. She  doubts  her  gowns,  she  doubts  whether 
she  knows  the  ways  and  manners  of  the  people, 
and  she  is  apt  to  be  unhappy.  She  asked  me  the 
other  day  if  a book  of  etiquette  would  help  her. 
I say  to  her,  No.’'  The  great  book  of  etiquette 
is  the  world,  and  it  is  read,  like  the  smaller  book, 
with  the  eyes.  Having  been  properly  trained  you 
are  not  likely  to  make  any  great  mistakes,  and 
the  smaller  customs  that  differ  in  every  town  are 
easily  acquired  by  watching  what  other  people  do 
and  imitating  them,  only  do  not  imitate  the 
wrong  people.  If  you  are  in  a hotel,  and  the 
woman  opposite  you  uses  a toothpick  and  walk$ 


44 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


out  of  the  room  with  one  in  her  mouth,  don’t  fol- 
low her  example.  If  the  man  next  to  you  piles  his 
fork  with  vegetables  by  means  of  his  knife,  as  if  he 
were  loading  a coal  wagon,  don’t  follow  his  ex- 
ample, and  if  somebody  else  near  you  tucks  in 
her  napkin  like  a bib,  do  not  think  that  well-bred 
people  do  such  things.  If  a dish  that  you  have 
never  eaten  is  put  before  you,  chat  pleasantly  with 
your  neighbor  until  you  see  how  she  eats  it.  If, 
very  properly,  you  do  not  care  for  wine,  and  are 
at  a table  where  wine  is  served,  simply  signify  in 
some  unobtrusive  manner  to  the  waiter  that  you 
do  not  wish  any.  Don’t  be  afraid  of  yourself  in 
conversation.  That  is  to  say,  the  chances  are  you 
can  talk  as  well  as  any  girl  in  the  room,  but  if  you 
begin  to  stammer  and  get  nervous  you  will  never 
be  able  to  say  anything,  and  you  will  be  credited 
with  knowing  nothing. 


ABOUT  THE  MEN  SHE  MEETS 

Because  a man  lives  in  the  city,  which  is  his 
misfortune  and  not  his  fault,  it  must  not  be  sup- 
posed that  he  is  a black  sheep  roaming  round  seek- 
ing whom  he  may  devour.  Though,  by  the  by, 
from  what  I have  seen  of  sheep  they  devour  in  a 
very  quiet  and  polite  fashion.  Men  are  better 
than  they  are  credited  with  being,  and  one  seldom 
says  or  does  anything  to  an  innocent  girl  that  is 


The  Country  Girl 


45 


not  quite  right.  Of  course  there  are  ill-mannered 
men,  just  as  there  are  vulgar  women.  The  coun- 
try girl  who  is  visiting  in  town  must  use  that  fine 
wand  of  self-protection  to  discover  the  one  from 
the  other.  Gentlemen  are  never  over-dressed,  are 
never  boisterous,  and  are  never  effusive.  It  is 
best,  if  possible,  to  avoid  making  enemies,  and  so 
the  country  girl  must  use  a little  tact. 

I do  not  think  the  country  girl  needs  to  be  told, 
she  must  never  accept  an  invitation  from  a man 
who  is  not  a relation  to  go  with  him  alone  to  any 
place.  If  he  wishes  to  do  her  any  honor  he  will 
make  up  a party,  properly  chaperoned,  and  then 
she  can  have  a thoroughly  good  time.  The  coun- 
try girl  looks  at  me  and  wonders  if  I think  she 
would  do  anything  wrong.  I do  not.  I not  only 
believe  in  her,  but  I believe  in  the  American  man, 
yet  in  most  large  cities  there  are  certain  social 
laws  that  must  be  observed,  and  the  protection  of 
a young  girl  by  an  older  woman  is  one  of  the  most 
important.  It  is  true  that  the  girl's  mother  may 
have  gone  to  a concert,  to  drive,  or  to  supper  with 
a }Oung  man,  that  all  her  friends  did  it,  and  that  in 
those  days  it  was  considered  quite  proper.  But  we 
have  grown  older  as  a people,  and  we  have  got 
that  wisdom  which  teaches  us  that  to  keep  our 
young  girls  perfectly  protected  is  the  greatest  of  all. 
I know  that  a girl  who  desires  to  do  wrong  can 
do  so  whenever  she  wishes ; she  can  say  the  im- 


46 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


proper  word,  or  she  can  act  improperly  when  she 
knows  her  chaperon  is  not  looking.  But  I am 
thankful  that  among  American  girls  this  type  is 
unusual,  and  that  most  of  them  are  glad  to  have 
with  them  an  older  woman,  who  suggests  the 
pleasantest  ways  out  of  difficulties,  and  who  places 
near  to  each  other  the  people  she  thinks  are  at- 
tracted the  one  to  the  other. 

TO  MY  COUNTRY  GIRLS 

When  my  country  girls  are  reading  this  I shall  be 
off  where  the  grass  is  green,  where  the  sweetest  flow- 
ers in  the  world  bloom,  and  where  a lazy  river  runs 
beside  a very  old-fashioned  town,  and  there  I will 
meet  the  girl  I am  very  fond  of — the  country  girl. 
And  we  will  gossip  in  good  faith  about  books  and 
pictures,  and  she  will  tell  me  lovely  stories  about 
the  flowers  and  the  woods,  and  she  will  take  me  to 
drive  just  before  the  sun  sets,  and  we  will  stop  at  a 
farmhouse  and  get  a drink  of  milk,  and  then  when 
I get  back  home  I shall  feel  so  delightfully  tired.- 
The  river  will  sing  me  to  sleep,  and  after  I have 
said  my  prayers,  and  asked  a blessing  upon  all  my 
girls,  I will  unconsciously  add  to  the  fervent 
‘‘Amen,’'  “God  made  the  country  and  man 
made  the  town.” 


HIS  is  her  letter  : 

It  has  become  necessary  for  me 
to  earn  my  own  living.  I have  been 
delicately  reared  and  well  educated, 
but  I am  not  very  strong  physically.  People  say 
I am  pretty.  From  my  earliest  childhood  I have 
had  a great  desire  to  go  on  the  stage.  I think  of 
making  it  my  life  work.  What  would  you  advise 
me  to  do  ? ’ ’ 

My  answer  is  this  : Take  up  any  honest  em- 

ployment in  preference  to  becoming  an  actress. 
You  come  from  the  South,  where  women  are  ten- 
derly brought  up,  where  great  care  is  taken  of  their 
surroundings,  of  the  mode  of  speech  used  to  them, 
and  where  consideration  is  the  keynote  of  a man’s 
attitude  to  women.  You  are  imaginative  and 
ambitious,  you  believe  in  yourself,  and  although 
you  have  in  a vague  way  a slight  idea  of  the 
temptations  of  the  stage,  you  think  you  are  strong 
enough  to  withstand  them.  Suppose  you  did ; 
suppose  you  were  as  pure  as  snow,  you  would  not 


4B 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


escape  calumny.  Do  you  think  that  your  work 
would  be  sufficient  reward  for  the  innuendoes, 
the  shrugs,  and,  in  many  instances,  the  outspoken 
words  of  contempt  ? I am  going  to  speak  to  you 
very  plainly.  I am  going  to  tell  you  what  I know 
to  be  true,  because  I have  many  friends  on  the 
stage,  and  yet  among  them  there  is  not  one 
who,  when  I have  put  the  question  : If  you 

had  your  life  to  go  over  would  you  go  on  the 
stage?  has  not  answered,  No;  most  positively 
no/^ 

THE  LIFE  OF  AN  ACTRESS 

What  is  the  life  of  an  actress?  Unlike  other 
women  she  has  no  home,  for  in  this  great  coun- 
try there  are  not  more  than  five  or  six  stock  com- 
panies, and  naturally  the  number  of  actors  in 
them  is  limited.  A woman  wants  the  protective 
influence,  the  regular  living,  and  the  deferences 
paid  to  moral  laws  only  possible  in  an  established 
place  of  living.  To-day  you  are  in  the  North, 
next  week  in  the  South,  the  week  after  in  the  West, 
and  you  never  hav^e  the  time  to  make  for  your- 
self an  abiding  place,  to  surround  yourself  with 
friends,  or  to  think  about  the  advisability  of  liv- 
ing regularly.  You  arrive  in  a strange  town  at 
three  o’clock  in  the  morning ; the  advance  agent 
has  not  notified  you  about  the  hotels,  and  it  is 
possible  that  if  you  wish  to  go  to  a respectable 


Her  Letter  and  My  Answer 


49 


) 


one  you  have  to  pay  more  than  you  can  afford, 
because  you  cannot  take  any  chances  at  that  time 
in  the  morning.  In  a large  city  there  may  be  a 
hotel  carriage,  or  a cab  at  the  station ; in  a small 
one  you  may  look  about  in  vain  for  any  such  ac- 
commodation. You  have  no  maid  ; shall  you  go 
hunting  for  a hotel  in  a strange  place  by  your- 
self? 

Some  man  in  the  company,  who  sees  your 
plight,  kindly  takes  your  bag,  goes  to  the  hotel 
with  you,  and  speaks  to  the  clerk  about  your  room. 
As  you  say  good-night  you  thank  him,  oh ! so 
heartily,  and  as  you  lay  your  head  on  your  pil- 
low you  think  to  yourself  how  untrue  it  is  that 
actors  are  not  gentlemen.  The  days  go  on,  the 
kindness  continues,  for  it  is  meant  as  kindness ; 
you  know,  poor  little  soul,  that  you  are  going  to 
be  looked  after,  and  after  awhile,  quite  uncon- 
sciously, you  rely  on  this  care.  Very  soon  you 
and  he  are  calling  each  other  by  your  first  names, 
then  one  night  when  you  go  back  to  the  hotel, 
tired  and  hungry,  your  escort  suggests  that  he  buy 
some  supper,  bring  it  to  your  room,  and  you  have 
it  together.  You  are  very  particular  to  keep  your 
door  open,  and  it  is  all  proper.  But  just  stop  and 
think,  my  dear  girl ; the  end  is  always  disastrous, 
it  is  the  first  little  step  that  counts.  What  is  the 
end  of  it  ? Think  it  out  for  yourself. 


4 


so 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


THE  ATMOSPHERE  OF  THE  FOOT-LIGHTS 

You  think  it  will  not  be  different  from  any 
other,  but  it  will,  and  it  is.  It  seems  to  cause 
the  growth  of  envy,  and  a good  deal  of  unchar- 
itableness. Your  friend  of  yesterday,  to  whom 
you  wondered  how  you  would  get  along,  is  your 
enemy  of  to-day.  Why  ? Because  you  had  a 
round  of  applause,  and  a line  of  approbation  in 
the  morning  paper.  The  stage  director  orders 
you  at  a certain  time  to  take  the  centre  of  the 
stage,  the  leading  man  is  indignant  at  your  be- 
ing pushed  forward  ; he  revenges  himself  at  night 
by  moving  his  face  in  such  away,  ^‘mugging’' 
is  the  stage  slang,  that  the  audience  is  attracted 
to  him,  and  from  you.  The  next  day  he  is 
reprimanded  before  the  whole  company,  and  the 
result  of  it  all  is  that  you  have  made  a bitter 
enemy,  innocently  enough,  and  one  who  does  not 
speak  to  you  the  entire  season,  but  who  is  only 
too  ready  to  speak  against  you.  You  think  men 
do  not  do  this  off  the  stage  ? My  dear,  they  do 
it  on.  This  is  not  the  worst.  When  two  or 
three  or  four  or  five  members  of  the  theatrical 
profession  meet,  what  do  they  talk  about  ? Great 
plays  ? Great  actors  ? Or  the  value  of  study  ? 
Oh  ! no.  The  successes  and  failures  and  follies 
of  each  other.  What  you  hear  will  shock  you 


Her  Letter  and  My  Answer 


51 


at  first,  though  you  get  to  think  nothing  after 
awhile  of  the  absolute  lack  of  reverence  shown  for 
anything  that  is  good.  The  woman  who  tries  to 
lead  a good  life  is  laughed  at.  I do  not  mean  by 
this  that  there  are  not  good  women  on  the  stage, 
but  I do  know  that  in  almost  every  case  their 
goodness,  instead  of  being  a subject  for  praise,  is 
treated  not  only  by  the  stage  people,  but  by  the 
newspapers,  half  scornfully  . 

THE  WAYS  AND  MANNERS 

You  do  not  expect  to  find  stage-hands  with  the 
manners  and  courtesy  of  properly  trained  ser- 
vants, but  do  you  expect  to  find  the  greatest  fa- 
miliarity existing  and  also  to  hear  some  profane 
language?  ‘‘To  swear  like  a stage  carpenter  is 
an  ordinary  comparison.  What  effect  is  it  going 
to  have  on  you  in  time  ? It  is  possible  you  may 
not  grow  equally  profane,  but  you  will  become 
so  accustomed  to  it  that  it  will  no  longer  offend 
you.  Long,  tiresome  rides,  with  little  or  no 
food,  lunch  of  the  kind  furnished  at  a railroad 
station,  making  it  easy  for  you  to  learn  to 
take  a little  something  to  strengthen  you,  and 
after  you  have  been  assured  again  and  again  that 
there  is  no  harm  and  a great  amount  of  consolation 
in  a cigarette,  you  try  one.  Who  can  blame  you  ? 
Not  I for  what  you  do,  but  I am  telling  you  this 


52 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


to  keep  you  from  putting  yourself  in  a position 
where  such  temptations  may  come  to  you.  Let 
me  tell  you  what  a manager  said  to  me  the  other 
day.  He  was  talking  of  one  woman  who  had  been 
in  his  company,  and  who  had  been  discharged. 
On  my  asking  him  the  reason,  he  said  : Her 

great  charm  was  her  womanliness.  She  called  it 
personal  magnetism  ; but  it  was  because  she  was 
such  a real  woman  that  she  held  an  audience. 
Now,  after  two  seasons  on  the  road,  she  may  be  a 
better  actress,  but  she  is  not  as  attractive,  she  has 
become  like  all  the  rest  of  them,  and  her  charm  is 
gone.^’  Was  it  her  fault  ? I cannot  say.  I only 
know  if  she  had  been  living  out  a more  protected 
life  she  would  have  remained  her  own  sweet  self 
much  longer. 

THE  QUESTION  OF  WAGES 

But  you  claim  that  women  make  more  money 
on  the  stage.  Do  they  ? Have  you  ever  counted 
it  up  ? Have  you  ever  thought  out  the  number 
of  rich  actresses  ? The  salary  offered  seems  large 
to  you ; there  are  few  professions  in  which  you 
would  get,  as  a beginner,  twenty-five,  thirty-five, 
or  possibly  fifty  dollars  a week.  But  in  what 
other  profession  is  the  outlay  so  great?  Few 
companies  are  on  the  road  more  than  nine  months 
during  the  year,  many  of  them  not  that  long.  So 
even  if  you  are  re-engaged  there  are  three  months 


Her  Letter  and  My  Answer 


53 


when  you  earn  nothing  at  all.  Then  during  the 
long,  busy  days  of  the  rehearsal  you  receive  no 
salary.  During  that  time  your  clothes  have  to  be 
got,  and  unless  you  have  been  provident  and  have 
saved  some  money,  you  are  obliged  to  go  in  debt 
for  them,  and  this  means  paying  more  for  them 
than  you  would  if  you  could  give  ready  money. 

It  is  necessary  for  you  when  travelling  to  go  to 
a respectable  hotel,  and  these  are  seldom  cheap ; 
of  course,  in  some  of  the  large  cities  you  may  find 
some  less  expensive  place,  but  when  you  are  only 
going  to  be  in  a town  for  a few  days,  you  have 
not  the  time  to  hunt  up  a boarding-house.  You 
are  obliged  to  look  well,  and  the  wear  and  tear  on 
your  clothes  is  very  hard.  It  is  possible  that  one 
of  your  stage  costumes  is  an  elaborate  evening 
dress — the  average  dressing-room  is  a dirty,  un- 
carpeted place,  that  in  your  own  home  you  would 
not  offer  to  the  lowest  servant.  From  the  dress- 
ing-room to  the  stage  the  walk  is  rough  and  dusty, 
and  the  stage  itself  is  too  often  covered  by  a car- 
pet, when  it  has  one  at  all,  that  is  heavy  with 
dust.  The  expensive  gown  is  soon  soiled,  a new 
one  has  to  be  had,  and  even  though  you  do 
have  your  gowns  cleaned,  this  process  is  expen- 
sive. When  the  outlay  is  considered,  I do  not 
think  the  average  actress — the  average  one,  re- 
member— earns  much  more  money  than  the  girl 
who  stands  behind  the  counter  in  a good  shop. 


54 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


HOPES  OF  THE  GIRL  IN  FRONT 

You  have  an  idea  that  as  travelling  improves 
most  people,  the  going  through  the  country  will 
do  the  same  for  you.  How  many  actresses  know 
anything  about  the  places  where  they  have  been  ? 
Thoroughly  tired  out  after  the  night’s  perform- 
ance they  sleep  until  late  the  next  day,  and  then, 
if  there  is  not  a rehearsal,  seem  to  find  more  pleas- 
ure in  staying  in  their  rooms,  reading  novels  or 
playing  cards  until  it  is  time  to  go  to  the  theatre 
again.  Too  often  all  they  know  about  a place  is 
the  distance  from  the  station  to  the  hotel  and 
from  the  hotel  to  the  theatre  itself.  I am  not 
stating  this  as  a surmise  ; I absolutely  know  it  to 
be  true.  The  life  inclines  one  to  indolence,  and 
the  thought  of  going  out  to  take  a walk  or  to  see 
the  places  of  interest  never  seems  to  enter  the 
head  of  the  average  actress.  You  think  she  talks 
well  and  is  versatile.  She  talks  easily — her  pro- 
fession has  given  her  control  of  words ; it  is  to 
her  advantage  to  be  able  to  sing  a little,  play  a 
little,  and  dance  well,  but  most  of  her  accom- 
plishments are  superficial.  She  has  neither  the 
time  nor  the  inclination  to  take  up  any  studies,  or 
to  think  out  questions  that  are  not  of  immediate 
use  to  her. 

You  had  hoped  by  going  to  that  well  of  Eng- 


Her  Letter  and  My  Answer 


55 


lish  undefiled,  the  works  of  Shakespeare,  to  im- 
prove yourself  so  much  mentally,  that  you  would 
stand  out  as  an  intellectual  woman  as  well  as  an 
actress.  My  dear  child,  the  average  actress  in 
reading  Shakespeare  looks  for  the  business’’ 
that  it  will  give  and  does  not  trouble  herself  about 
the  meaning  of  the  words,  or  the  subtlety  of  the 
character  as  painted  by  the  great  writer.  After 
you  have  been  laughed  at,  you  will,  in  a little 
while,  get  to  be  like  the  rest  of  them,  for,  as  on 
the  stage  you  imitate  somebody  else,  so  off  it  you 
will  unconsciously  exercise  your  mimetic  power. 


THE  ACTRESS  AND  THE  WOMAN 

You  think  I am  severe.  You  think  that  you 
can  live  your  own  life  as  you  wish  it  without  giv- 
ing a thought  to  the  people  about  you.  My 
child,  this  is  impossible.  Unconsciously,  we  are 
impressed  by  our  environment,  and  people  with 
whom  we  are  thrown  in  contact,  day  by  day,  are 
each  doing  something  for  or  against  us.  They 
may  never  know  it.  I do  not  like  to  think  any 
human  being  would  wilfully  set  a bad  example, 
and  yet  the  mere  lives  of  some  people  make  the 
difference  between  good  and  evil  seem  less.  You 
imagine  you  can  keep  to  yourself.  You  might  if 
you  were  the  star  of  the  company,  but  as  you  are 
not,  as  you  dre.>^  in  the  room  with  someone  else, 


56 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


you  are  forced,  if  only  for  your  own  comfort,  to 
be  civil  to  all  those  around  you.  And  civility 
and  familiarity  are  almost  synonymous  back  of  the 
foot-lights.  A very  curious  habit  increases  this 
familiarity — somebody  wants  a little  rouge,  some- 
body wants  a little  powder;  would  you  mind 
lending  a pair  of  stockings  to  somebody  else  ? 
At  first  you  resent  this  lack  of  recognition  as  to 
mine  and  thine,  but  after  awhile  you  grow  to  be 
like  your  comrades. 

At  first — and  now  I am  going  to  say  something 
that  because  I am  a woman  I can  say — at  first, 
you  bit  your  lip  and  blushed  at  the  freedom  with 
which  words  were  used — words  that  you  had  never 
heard  before ; you  lost  your  opportunity  to  stop 
such  conversation  when  it  began,  and  you  will  be 
surprised  to  discover,  later  on,  how  first  you  listen 
and  then  indulge  in  it  yourself.  I do  not  know 
why  it  is  that  back  of  the  painted  curtain  there 
seems  to  crop  up,  like  weeds,  most  of  the  small 
vices.  You  cannot  get  out  of  it  by  isolating  your- 
self. I will  prove  this  by  telling  you  something. 


FROM  PERSONAL  KNOWLEDGE 

A woman,  a young  woman  and  a pretty  woman, 
who  has  managed  to  keep  herself  free  from  re- 
proach, and  who  is  a well-known  actress,  never 
mingles  with  the  company.  Between  the  acts  she 


Her  Letter  and  My  Answer 


57 


sits  in  her  room,  and  after  she  is  dressed,  usually 
reads.  When  she  is  waiting  for  her  cue,  her  maid 
stands  beside  her,  and  she  speaks  to  her  in  French. 
Not  one  of  her  fellow-actors  ever  comes  near  her. 
She  bows  when  she  meets  them,  and  does  her  own 
work  regularly  and  religiously.  She  never  says  one 
word  against  the  people ; she  simply  never  discusses 
them ; and  the  consequence  is,  she  is  one  of  the 
most  thoroughly  disliked  women  in  the  profession  by 
the  profession.  They  do  not  forgive  her  her  success, 
and  they  are  ready,  only  too  ready,  to  find  fault 
with  her.  She  has  told  me  that  she  knows  she  is 
credited  with  being  disagreeable  and  haughty,  and 
she  adds : I prefer  they  should  think  that,  to 

being  very  popular  and  being  forced  to  be  one  of 
them.'’  Her  safeguard  consists  in  being  disliked. 
Do  you  think  that  is  pleasant?  Do  you  think 
that  any  woman  with  a heart  likes  to  know  that 
the  men  and  women  around  her  do  not  forgive 
her  her  successes,  that  they  begrudge  her  her  hap- 
pinesses and  are  glad  if  she  has  sorrows  ? I can- 
not explain  this  to  you.  I can  only  say  that  I 
know  it  to  be  true,  and  that  this  dislike  sometimes 
takes  the  form  of  acts  as  well  as  of  words. 

You  give  a shrug  of  your  pretty  shoulders,  and 
doubt  this.  But  you  have  not  as  yet  lived  on  the 
other  side  of  the  foot-lights,  and  so  I will  tell  you 
what  I saw  myself.  I went  one  afternoon  to  visit  a 
young  girl  in  her  dressing-room  ; there  was  great 


58 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


excitement  all  around.  Since  the  night  before 
someone  had  entered  the  dressing-room  of  another 
actress,  had  taken  the  scissors  and  maliciously  slit 
up  in  strips  the  dress  which  she  wore  in  the  play. 
There  was  not  time  to  get  another  one.  It  was  a 
peculiar  dress,  and  so  she  had  to  be  out  of  the  bill 
for  the  afternoon.  I asked  if  they  did  not  think 
a crazy  person  had  done  it,  and  I was  told  con- 
fidentially that  it  was  undoubtedly  a member  of 
the  company,  a girl  who  was  the  rival  in  singing 
and  dancing  of  my  friend.  It  was  hard  to  believe 
this,  but  I was  assured  it  was  true.  It  is  possible 
that  you  think  I am  severe,  my  dear  girl,  but  I 
want  you  to  see  the  other  side  and  to  realize  that 
the  applause,  the  gayety,  the  brightness  belong  to 
the  audience,  and  that  there  is  very  little  of  it  be- 
hind the  curtain.  Among  my  own  friends  I num- 
ber women  who  are  on  the  stage,  good  women, 
honest  women,  and  true  women,  but  not  one  of 
them  wishes  a sister  or  a daughter  of  hers  to  follow 
in  her  footsteps. 

AN  IMPORTANT  QUESTION 

Although  you  do  need  to  earn  your  own  living, 
you  think  that  some  day  Prince  Charming  will  ap- 
pear and  make  you  his  wife.  Suppose  he  happens 
to  be  an  actor,  suppose  you  are  true  to  each  other, 
what  kind  of  a life  will  you  have  ? You  will  nof 


Her  Letter  and  My  Answer 


59 


in  reality  be  a helpmate  and  companion  to  the 
man  you  love,  you  will  only  bear  his  name.  And 
he  ? Is  it  surprising  when  you  two  are  so  far  apart 
that  he  should  not  always  make  you  first  in  his 
thoughts  ? He  will  be  away  from  you  many 
months  in  the  year.  Few  managers  care  to  em- 
ploy husband  and  wife,  so  if  you  remain  on  the 
stage  you  may  be  in  one  part  of  the  country  while 
your  husband  is  in  another,  and  when  the  vacation 
time  comes,  you  just  stay  some  place’*  until 
the  season  begins  again.  When  you  were  cre- 
ated it  was  intended  that  you  should  lead  the 
the  life  of  a woman,  and  living  the  life  of  a woman 
means  having  a home  of  your  own,  and  making 
out  of  your  life  a sweet  fragrance  that  will  rise  and 
be  accepted  as  tribute  by  Him  who  created  you. 
It  will  not  be  easy  to  do  this  if  you  lead  the 
wandering  life  that  the  stage  demands,  and  the 
very  fact  of  your  being  young  and  pretty  will  tend 
to  lessen  your  chance  rather  than  to  increase  it. 
My  dear,  I beg  of  you  to  select  any  work  rather 
than  that  which  the  stage  offers  you.  The  play- 
er’s life  is  not  calculated  to  bring  out  the  virtues 
of  a woman. 


QUIET  WALKS  FOR  GIRLS 

OMEONE  asked,  not  very  long  ago, 
why  women  went  out  into  the  world 
to  work ; whether  it  was  for  love  of 
money  or  for  love  of  work ; whether  it 
was  to  get  away  from  home,  or  whether  it  was  with 
the  desire  to  become  famous.  I think  oftenest — 
and  I am  forced  to  think  this  from  innumerable 
letters  I receive  from  my  girls — that  the  girl  who 
goes  out  into  the  workaday  world  to  earn  her  own 
bread  and  butter  does  it  because  of  the  necessity. 
But  when  the  question  of  making  one’s  own  living 
stares  one  in  the  face,  and  what  one  must  do  to 
gain  this  livelihood  has  to  be  decided  upon,  noth- 
ing is  more  common  than  to  see  the  quickness  with 
which  girls  choose  the  paths  in  life  which  are  al- 
ready overcrowded. 

They  think  they  would  like  to  make  their  living 
by  writing.  They  have  read  about  some  woman 
who  has  made  money  and  fame  by  her  pen.  They 
hear  of  her  to-day  ; what  about  the  ten  long  years 


Qiliet  Walks  for  Girls  6i 


when  she  worked,  unknown,  to  make  this  reputa- 
tion ? They  hear  of  a woman  painter  who  got  a 
big  check  for  her  picture.  They  think  they  have 
talent  of  the  same  sort.  There  are  millions  of 
women  who  have  thought  the  same,  but  who  to- 
day are  decorating  cups  and  saucers  that  do  not 
sell.  Won’t  my  girls  have  the  moral  courage  to 
try  and  earn  the  bread  and  butter  in  one  of  the 
quiet  walks  of  life  ? What  are  the  quiet  paths  of 
life  ? Well,  here  is  one  : 

THE  NURSERY  GOVERNESS 

You  may  be  only  seventeen  years  old  when  it 
becomes  necessary  for  you  to  take  care  of  yourself ; 
you  know  nothing  of  Greek  or  Latin,  and  you 
could  not  train  a young  girl  for  college,  but  you 
have  the  three  R’s  at  your  finger-tips,  you  are 
good  - tempered,  and  you  have  accumulated  a 
store  of  patience.  Now  try  for  the  position  of 
nursery  governess.  In  a big  city  ITl  tell  you  what 
that  means.  At  nine  o’clock  in  the  morning  you 
enter  the  nursery  where  your  small  pupils  are, 
ranging  in  years  from  three  to  seven;  probably 
there  are  three  of  them.  There  is  a pleasant 

How-do-you-do,”  because,  first  of  all,  you  must 
'make  them  like  you.  And  then  the  so-called  les- 
sons begin.  The  seven-year-old,  having  mastered 
her  letters  and  knowing  how  to  read  in  single-  and 


62 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


possibly  double-syllabled  words,  reads  a story  that 
interests  the  other  two,  or  at  least  one  of  them^ 
while  the  baby  starts  in  to  build  a house  of  alpha- 
bet blocks  with  the  letter  on  top.  Then 

for  the  seven -year-old  you  set  a copy  on  the  slate 
— preferably  her  name ; and  the  five-year-old,  to 
whom  you  should  devote  your  closest  attention, 
you  teach  how  to  spell  words  from  a picture- 
book. 

Before  you  know  it  will  be  eleven  o’clock,  and 
the  nurse  will  be  ready  to  go  out  with  you.  She 
puts  on  the  little  people’s  wraps  and  gloves  and 
hats,  and  you,  as  superior,  oversee  this.  Then, 
once  in  the  open  square,  you  teach  the  children  to 
walk  properly,  and  to  speak  politely  to  any  ac- 
quaintance whom  they  may  meet,  and  at  the  end 
of  the  exercise  hour  you  may  let  them  have  a run 
that  will  not  be  too  boisterous.  At  home  again  a 
little  after  twelve,  preparations  are  made  for  the 
midday  dinner.  Then  you  must  watch.  Baby 
must  be  taught  that  it  isn’t  right  to  swallow  things 
whole ; the  five-year-old  must  be  educated  not  to 
pile  his  fork  with  vegetables,  and  the  seven-year- 
old  must  be  shown  how  to  help  herself  to  the  dish 
that  is  passed  to  her  without  dropping  its  contents 
on  the  table-cloth  or  the  carpet.  After  a little 
time  the  girl  is  given  a thimble  and  you  teach  her 
how  to  sew,  while  the  boys  are  busy  with  whatever 
will  occupy  them  quietly.  At  half-past  two  you 


Quiet  Walks  for  Girls 


63 


go  home,  and  if  you  are  as  willing  and  as  eager  to 
succeed  as  one  little  woman  I know,  when  the 
half-hour  strikes  you  will  have  your  pupils  hang' 
ing  to  your  skirts,  expressing  their  regret  at  your 
departure,  and  wishing  that  you  might  live  with 
them  forever  and  forever/* 

The  average  nursery  governess  is  paid  thirty  dol- 
lars a month,  and,  of  course,  she  has  her  dinner. 
Sometimes  several  families  will  unite,  make  a little 
group  of  six  or  eight  children,  who  will  all  be 
taught  at  the  house  of  whoever  has  the  largest  nurs- 
ery. But  when  that  is  the  case  the  governess’s 
hours  last  from  nine  to  one,  she  is  paid  more,  and 
she  does  not  dine  with  her  pupils.  There  is  no 
publicity  about  this  position,  a college  certificate  is 
not  required,  it  is  one  that  no  gentlewoman  need 
scorn,  and  yet  it  is  said  to  be  very  difficult  to  find 
a good  nursery  governess. 

ANOTHER  NEGLECTED  OCCUPATION 

It  is  that  of  maid.  I can  see  the  scoffing  air 
with  which  this  is  received,  and  yet  a good  maid 
not  only  gets  good  wages,  but  she  has  slight  ex- 
penditure. Her  living  is  paid  for,  and  usually  she 
eats  by  herself.  She  is  very  apt  to  have  the  gowns, 
the  black  ones,  which  it  is  most  proper  for  her  to 
assume,  given  to  her  on  special  occasions.  And 
if  she  knows  anything  about  her  work  she  can 


64 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


command  twenty-five  dollars  a month.  It  is  ex- 
pected of  her  that  she  should  be  neat,  know  how 
to  take  care  of  clothes,  be  responsible  for  her  mis- 
tress’s jewelry,  be  able  to  brush  hair  and  do  or- 
dinary mending.  If  she  is  ambitious  and  will 
learn  to  dress  hair,  teach  herself  how  to  make- 
over dresses,  and  proves  able  to  take  care  of  her 
mistress  when  she  is  ill,  she  can  earn  fifty  dollars 
a month.  No  education  except  that  of  the  heart 
and  that  of  the  hands,  which  every  woman, 
even  if  she  doesn’t  know  how  to  read  nor  write, 
is  supposed  to  have,  is  required  for  the  position  of 
maid.  I have  known  good  maids  who  were  never 
made  to  feel  for  one  minute  that  it  was  a question 
of  mistress  and  maid,  and  who  gained  this  con- 
fidence and  love  by  good  work  and  consideration. 
Personally  I would  much  rather  be  maid  to  a lady 
than  stand  behind  a shop  counter.  I know  that 
many  of  my  girls  will  disagree  with  me,  but  I can 
assure  them  that  the  life  is  much  easier. 

THE  PLEASING  COMPANION 

I know  you  from  your  letter.  You  think  you 
could  play  Lady  Macbeth^  and  yet  you  have 
come  down  to  giving  lessons  in  elocution,  and  the 
average  of  teachers  to  pupils  in  this  line,  as  quoted 
lately,  is  ten  to  one.  There  are  a great  many 
women  whose  eyes  being  a bit  weak  like  to  be  read 


Quiet  Walks  for  Girls 


6S 


to.  Why  don’t  you  drop  elocution  and  start  in 
as  a reader  to  one  of  these  women?  You  can 
charge  from  fifty  cents  to  a dollar  an  hour,  and 
your  work  will  consist  of  picking  out  from  the 
morning  paper  what  will  be  interesting  to  your 
employer.  Then  you  can  answer  her  notes.  This 
is  neither  hard  nor  unpleasant  work.  To  be  able 
to  take  the  mail,  select  from  it  the  letters  that  are 
purely  personal,  or  which  are  from  members  of  the 
family,  and  those  that  are  social  or  business  notes, 
to  open  and  read  the  latter,  and  answer  them  in 
accordance  with  the  wishes  expressed,  answer  them 
in  proper  language  and  in  a good,  clear  hand,  will 
add  to  your  value  as  a reader.  And  if  the  lady 
for  whom  you  are  working  should  be  of  sufficient 
importance  socially  to  require  an  elaborate  visiting 
book,  and  you  can  learn  how  to  keep  that  in  or- 
der, you  will  add  just  that  much  more  to  your 
value. 


BY  WORK  OF  THE  NEEDLE 

Some  time  ago  I wrote  of  the  money  that  might 
be  made  by  a young  w^oman  who  was  a good 
mender ; since  then  there  have  been  a number  of 
menders  who  advertised  and  readily  found  work. 
But  they  made  a great  mistake ; they  overcharged. 
Asking  one  dollar  an  hour  for  their  work,  and  in 
that  hour  mending  one  pair  of  stockings,  was  an 
evidence  of  very  bad  business  tact.  If  the  stock- 
5 


66 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


ings  happened  to  be  lace  or  silk  ones  it  might  be 
worth  while,  but  the  general  stocking  doesn’t  cost 
over  a dollar  a pair,  and  it  is  really  cheaper  to  buy 
new  ones  than  be  bothered  by  a strange  woman 
coming  in  to  mend  the  old  ones.  To  the  woman 
who  can  mend,  but  who  cannot  remake,  I would 
suggest  that  a dollar  a day  and  her  board  is  quite 
enough  for  her ; and  when  I say  her  board,  I mean 
two  meals,  her  breakfast  and  the  midday  one. 
She  should  learn  as  rapidly  as  possible  where  the 
family  for  whom  she  works  keeps  the  undarned 
stockings,  the  torn  skirts,  the  worn  linen,  and  the 
shoes  without  buttons.  And  she  should  induce 
her  employer  to  purchase  and  keep  for  her  a mend- 
ing-basket, in  which  to  keep  the  different  threads, 
the  buttons  and  the  tapes,  the  hooks  and  eyes,  and 
different-sized  needles,  so  that  when  it  is  desired 
the  implement  is  to  hand.  Once  she  has  the  repu- 
tation of  being  a good  mender,  and  an  honest  one, 
her  services  will  be  called  for  once  a week  in  dif- 
ferent families,  and  if  she  is  agreeable — and  unless 
she  is  no  woman  will  succeed  in  any  business — her 
patrons  will  soon  become  her  friends,  eager  and 
anxious  to  advance  her  interests.  In  Paris,  the 
city  of  great  luxury  and  great  economy,  your  laun- 
dress can  always  recommend  a mender  to  you,  so 
that  the  forlorn  bachelor  is  cared  for,  and  though 
he  may  never  see  the  woman  who  looks  after  his 
belongings,  still  he  gladly  pays  the  laundress  for 


Quiet  Walks  for  Girls 


67 


her  work,  and  the  laundress,  as  she  pays  her,  either 
deducts  a small  percentage,  or  they  work  in  good- 
fellowship. 

SOME  OTHER  WORKERS 

In  the  large  cities  the  young  woman  who  knows 
how  to  manicure  has  discovered  that  she  can  make 
more  money  and  be  more  independent  by  going 
to  her  customers  at  their  houses.  She  carries  in 
her  little  bag  all  her  implements,  and  if  her  ser- 
vices are  rendered  regularly  she  will  be  required 
from  half  an  hour  to  an  hour.  For  this  she  is 
paid  fifty  cents,  and  as  her  time  is  usually  taken 
up  from  nine  in  the  morning  until  six  in  the 
evening,  it  is  easy  to  understand  that  she  can 
make  a nice  little  income,  especially  as  if  when 
she  is  kept  after  six  she  charges,  properly  enough, 
one  dollar. 

The  visiting  hair-dresser  is  equally  fortunate. 
She  comes  to  do  your  hair  every  day  at  the  hour 
which  is  most  convenient ; it  is  not  expected  that 
she  arranges  it  in  an  extremely  elaborate  way,  but 
she  brushes  it  well,  shampoos  it  once  a month, 
curls  the  front,  and  arranges  the  back  as  you  like 
it.  For  this  she  is  paid  fifty  cents  or  two  dollars 
and  a half  a week.  She  can  get  through  with 
almost  any  head  in  half  an  hour  provided  she 
is  not  detained,  and  if  her  services  are  needed  for 
the  evening,  and  an  elaborate  coiffure  is  de- 


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manded,  she  charges  a dollai  extra.  During  the 
gay  season  the  extras  are  many,  and  as  at  all 
times  women  like  to  have  their  hair  look  well, 
most  of  them  are  quite  willing  to  pay  the  price 
that  she  asks.  Of  course,  in  the  case  of  the 
manicure  and  the  hair-dresser  the  first  struggle  is 
to  get  the  customers ; after  that  to  keep  them. 
This  is  done  by  having  an  agreeable  manner,  but 
one  that  is  not  familiar.  You  must  remember 
that  you  are  not  paying  social  visits,  but  those  of 
business.  Then  you  must  be  prompt  and  be  neat. 
The  best  hair-dresser  I ever  knew  lost  most  of  her 
customers  because  she  was  slovenly  in  appearance  ; 
and  another  one  who  had  every  qualification  nec- 
essary to  make  a success  in  her  special  business 
was  equally  unfortunate  because  she  was  never  on 
time. 

STILL  ANOTHER  WORK 

I have  spoken  of  Paris  as  the  city  of  the  great- 
est luxury  and  the  greatest  economy.  There  is  a 
work  there  which  has  been  usurped  by  men,  and 
yet  which  should  belong  to  women.  It  is  that  of 
the  professional  packer.  Do  you  know  how  to 
pack  a trunk  well  ? And  if  you  donT,  how  many 
people  do  you  know  who  do?  And  wouldn't 
you  gladly  give  a dollar  for  a large,  and  fifty 
cents  for  a small  trunk  to  be  properly  packed  ? 
The  packer  comes  with  dozens  of  sheets  of  tissue- 


Quiet  Walks  for  Girls 


69 


paper  and  several  pieces  of  tape.  You  can  sit 
where  your  belongings  are,  and  as  skirts  and  bod- 
ices are  taken  down  say  which  you  want.  Then 
^he  bodices  have  their  sleeves  stuffed  with  paper  to 
keep  them  in  shape,  the  trimmings  carefully  cov- 
ered with  it ; the  skirts  are  properly  folded ; the 
bonnets  and  hats  have  tapes  pinned  to  them,  and 
these  same  tapes  are  tacked  to  the  sides  of  the  hat- 
box,  so  that  no  matter  how  much  the  trunk  may 
be  shaken  not  a feather  nor  a rose  moves  out  of 
its  place.  Then  when  everything  is  done,  there 
is  laid  on  the  top  of  the  last  tray  a list  of  the 
things  that  are  in  the  trunk,  so  that  you  don’t 
lose  your  temper  searching  for  the  pink  bodice 
which  isn’t  there,  or  the  tan- colored  shoes  which 
you  expressly  requested  should  be  left  at  home. 
I do  not  suppose  there  is  sufficient  business  in  the 
ordinary  town  for  a packer  all  the  year  round,  but 
I am  quite  certain  that  once  it  were  known  that 
you  could  pack  well,  when  the  going-away  time 
came  your  services  would  be  in  great  demand  and 
you  would  seldom  be  out  of  work. 


WHAT  I MEAN 

My  dear  girl,  it  is  just  possible  that  you  are  very 
foolish ; that  you  scoff  at  the  honest  ways  of  earn- 
ing a living  about  which  I have  spoken.  Work 
is  never  dishonorable.  The  manner  in  which  it 


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Side  Talks  with  Girls 


is  done  is  all  that  can  make  it  so.  The  position 
you  occupy  is  gauged  entirely  by  the  worth  of 
your  work.  A thorough  mender  is  a thousand 
times  better  than  a careless  dressmaker.  You 
would  be  horrified  if  I called  you  dishonest,  and 
yet  when  you  force  your  friends  to  buy  one  of 
your  badly  painted  pictures,  when  you  annoy 
editors  with  worthless  stories,  and  when  medioc- 
rity stamps  whatever  you  do,  it  would  be  wiser 
and  more  honest  for  you  to  choose  one  of  the 
quieter  paths  in  life.  It  is  a misfortune  for  a 
woman  to  have  to  earn  her  living.  But  it  is 
a misfortune  which,  thank  God,  she  has  met,  oh, 
so  many  times,  bravely  and  honestly.  When  she 
goes  out  into  that  world  where  she  has  to  give  a 
dollar's  worth  of  work  for  a dollar,  then  I do  not 
think  she  wants  to  be  a beggar  ; but  she  is  this  if 
she  tries  to  foist  upon  a circle  of  acquaintances  and 
friends  miserable  specimens  of  work.  She  is  self- 
respecting  and  honorable  when  she  does  well  the 
work  which  she  finds  will  pay  her  the  best,  for, 
after  all,  we  are  all  working,  as  the  clever  little 
Western  woman  wrote  about  her  newspaper. 
Not  for  favor,  not  for  fun,  but  for  cash."  I do 
not  want  you  always  to  think  of  the  dollar  as  the 
sole  aim  of  your  work,  but  I do  want  you  to  re- 
member that  if  you  do  good  work  you  will  get 
good  money. 


1 


A GIRL’S  RELIGIOUS  LIFE 

N every  language  it  has  been  said  that 
a woman  without  religion  is  like  a 
flower  without  perfume/*  and  that  it 
is  true  is  best  proven  by  the  fact  that 
men  who  have  no  belief  grieve  bitterly  if  the 
women  who  belong  to  them  are  unbelievers.  I am 
going  to  have  a little  talk  with  my  girls  about 
what  religion  means  to  them,  and  what  I think  it 
should  mean.  I say  religion  because  I hope  that 
every  one  of  them  respects  the  faith  which  is  lived 
up  to  by  the  other,  and  that  no  one  of  them  would 
dare  question  the  right  or  the  wrong  of  a belief 
that  gave  forth  beautiful  blossoms  of  purity,  sweet- 
ness, and  charity. 

First  of  all,  then,  your  religious  life  must  be  real. 
You  probably  wonder  what  I mean  when  I say  this, 
and  I am  going  to  try,  as  well  as  I can  in  black 
and  white,  to  tell  you.  Each  one  of  you  has, 
please  God,  been  taught  when  you  were  a little 
girl  to  say  your  prayers,  to  read  certain  devotional 


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Side  Talks  with  Girls 


books,  and  to  do  as  nearly  as  possible  that  which 
is  right.  This  you  have  accepted  with  the  beau- 
tiful faith  that  comes  only  to  a child.  As  you 
near  womanhood,  you  begin  to  think  about  the 
meaning  of  things.  You  decide  for  yourself  what 
is  right,  you  make  a public  announcement  of  your 
belief  and  of  your  intention  to  live  up  to  that  be- 
lief. Almost  invariably  this  is  followed  by  an  ef- 
fort to  live  what  you  think  is  a spiritual  life.  You 
mark  out  for  yourself  certain  pages  that  are  to  be 
read,  you  think  out  the  prayers  you  wish  to  say, 
you  are  willing  to  work  for  the  cause  in  which  you 
believe,  and  nothing  gives  you  so  much  joy  as  the 
absolute  giving  up  of  yourself,  mind  and  body,  to 
religion.  This  is  what  might  be  called  the  ecstasy 
of  religion.  You  who  are  feeling  it  will  think 
that  I am  cruel  in  saying  that  it  is  almost  worse 
than  no  religion  at  all,  because  all  such  violent 
emotions  have  their  opposites  and  are  certain  to 
turn  sooner  or  later  in  that  direction. 


RELIGION  WITHOUT  RELIGION 

Wrapped  up  in  prayer  you  find  your  daily  du- 
ties troublesome  ; uplifted  by  heavenly  words  you 
regard  the  ordinary  speech  of  life  as  coarse ; think- 
ing of  the  lives  of  saints  and  mart)U-s  you  seem 
wicked,  and  there  is  an  absolute  pleasure  in  re- 
minding yourself  of  that  fact.  Now,  my  dear  girl, 


A GirVs  Religious  Life 


73 


this  is  only  an  evidence  of  vanity.  You  are  by  no 
means  the  greatest  sinner  that  ever  lived,  and  you 
give  yourself  pleasure,  and  do  not  mortify  yourself 
when  you  say  so.  If  you  face  the  situation  you 
will  realize  that  your  sins  are  mean,  nasty,  petty 
little  ones — that  you  do  not  commit  great  sins,  that 
you  are  not  tempted  to,  and  that  you  are  telling 
what  is  an  absolute  untruth  when  you  call  yourself 
the  greatest  sinner  in  the  world.  So  put  down 
vanity  as  one  of  your  faults. 

It  seems  most  important  to  you  that  a certain 
number  of  prayers  be  said  each  morning ; that  is 
right,  if  the  prayers  are  said  at  the  right  time  as 
well  as  in  the  right  spirit,  but  when  you  linger 
over  your  prayers,  keep  the  breakfast- table  wait- 
ing, or  find  it  impossible  to  give  a helping  hand 
in  the  household  because  of  your  religious  duties, 
your  prayers  are,  in  the  sight  of  God,  of  no  worth 
whatever.  If  you  wish  them  to  be  as  a lovely 
fragrance  before  the  great  white  throne,  get  up 
half  an  hour  earlier  and  in  this  way  make  faith 
and  works  combine.  The  tired  mother,  who  sent 
a small  child  up  to  sister  ''to  be  amused,  only 
to  be  informed  that  sister"  was  reading  her 
good  book  and  couldn't  be  bothered  with  him,  is 
not  to  be  blamed  for  sympathizing  with  Martha 
for  being  troubled  about  many  things. 


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Side  Talks  with  Girls 


THE  SPIRITUAL  AND  MATERIAL 

Your  religious  life  is  absolutely  worthless  unless 
you  can  make  the  spiritual  side  show  itself  in  your 
daily  life.  Dear  old  George  Herbert  long  ago 
wrote,  ^^Let  thy  mind^s  sweetness  have  its  opera- 
tion upon  body,  clothes,  and  habitation.’’  Now, 
are  you  doing  this?  Or  are  you  simply  using 
your  religion  as  a course  of  aesthetic  pleasure  for 
yourself?  Are  you  living  a negative  life — that 
is,  doing  what  you  think  correct,  as  far  as  the 
outward  observance  of  your  religion  demands, 
and,  as  you  put  it,  doing  no  harm  to  any- 
body”? That  last  condition  does  not  exist. 
When  you  don’t  do  harm  to  people  you  do  them 
good,  and  so  you  must  be  influencing  them  in 
some  ways.  To  your  brother,  your  sister,  your 
father  or  mother,  you  are  showing  something  of 
your  religious  life.  Are  you  giving  them  the  im- 
pression that  religion  is  good  to  think  of  and  talk 
about,  but  not  to  live  by  ? — that  it  makes  very 
little  difference  whether  one  has  a belief  or  not 
when  it  comes  to  a question  of  every-day  life  ? If 
this  is  so,  do  you  realize  that  you  are  announc- 
ing that  while  it  is  interesting,  it  is  neither 
worth  living  by,  nor  dying  for?  Harsh?  No, 
I am  not  that.  I am  only  trying  to  show  you  of 
how  little  use  is  religion  unless  you  make  it  a 


A GirVs  Religious  Life 


75 


working  one.  I do  not  mean  by  this  that  you 
shall  separate  yourself  from  your  people  to  work 
solely  for  this,  though  there  are  thousands  of  or- 
ders where  great  and  good  work  is  done  by 
women  who  are  called  by  God  to  do  this  work, 
but  I am  talking  to  you  who  are  in  the  world  and 
of  the  world,  and  who,  each  in  your  own  way, 
can  make  that  world  better. 


A DAY  OF  YOUR  LIFE 

Just  take  a day  of  your  life  and  work  it  out. 
You  get  up  a little  late,  and  if  you  stop  to  say  the 
long  prayers  that  you  usually  do  you  can’t  help 
the  children  to  dress.  What  ought  you  to  do  ? 
Kneel  down  for  a minute  and  reverently  ask 
God’s  help  during  the  day,  and  thank  Him  for 
His  care  during  the  night.  Then  go  to  your 
work.  Don’t  do  it  sullenly,  don’t  do  it  as  if  it 
were  a trouble,  but  do  it  cheerfully  as  a sister 
should.  Later  on  different  duties  arise,  and  do 
not  shirk  one.  I feel  like  saying  many  times  that 
there  is  nothing  so  pleasing  to  God  as  work  that 
is  done  cheerfully ; it  is  a prayer,  a very  rosary  of 
deeds.  Try  throughout  the  day  to  speak  the 
kindly  word,  and  be  charitable  even  in  your 
thoughts.  If  you  have  time  to  be  alone  for  a 
little  while,  then  the  book  you  are  fond  of,  or  the 
prayer  you  wish  to  say  can  be  attended  to,  but 


76 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


God  who  made  you  and  placed  you  where  you 
are,  He,  who  can  read  the  heart,  thoroughly  un- 
derstands that  to  do  what  your  hand  findeth  to  do 
is  worship. 


THE  DUTIES  OF  TRUE  RELIGION 

I would  not  seem  for  one  minute  to  underrate 
the  duties  of  religion,  but  I must  say  that  I think 
young  girls  are  too  apt  to  remember  the  letter  of 
the  faith  rather  than  the  spirit.  It  is  right  that 
you  should  show  the  world  what  you  believe,  that 
there  should  be  the  outward  visible  sign  in  the  at- 
tendance at  church,  in  the  respect  shown  to  those 
occupying  spiritual  positions,  and  in  the  doing  of 
charity,  but,  and  this  is  too  often  the  case,  these 
good  acts  are  counted  first  of  all,  and  the  duties 
that  come  into  one’s  life,  and  which  are  just  as 
important,  are  neglected.  A girl  of  my  acquaint- 
ance, who  was  very  enthusiastic,  said  during 
Holy  Week,  last  year,  to  her  clergyman  : Oh, 

Mr.  Brown,  I am  so  weak,  I can  hardly  walk  to 
church,  I have  almost  starved  myself  this  Lent ! ” 
She  expected  approbation,  she  got  none ; instead 
the  clergyman  said  to  her:  You  are  not  only 

a foolish,  but  a wicked  girl.  You  are  not  strong 
and  should  not  have  fasted  at  all.  As  it  is  you 
will  be  ill,  you  will  cause  your  mother,  who  is  a 
very  busy  woman,  much  trouble  and  a great  deal 


A Girls  Religious  Life 


77 


of  worry,  and  in  the  sight  of  God  you  have  com- 
mitted a great  sin.  You  have  lacked  considera- 
tion for  others,  and  you  have  ill-treated  the  body 
which  was  made  in  His  image.  If  you  had  kept 
yourself  well  and  strong  and  been  a help  to  your 
mother,  your  Easter  day  might  have  been  a happy 
one,  but  as  it  is,  it  can  only  be  filled  with  re- 
morse. Pray  for  wisdom.'^ 

This  explains  better  than  I can  what  I mean 
when  I tell  you  that  you  must  make  your  material 
and  your  spiritual  lives  in  perfect  harmony.  The 
soft  answer  that  turneth  away  wrath  does  more  to 
convince  your  brother  of  the  value  of  your  relig- 
ion than  all  the  prayers  ever  written,  if  you  are 
ill-tempered.  The  forgiveness  rendered  some  one 
who  has  hurt  you  is  more  convincing  of  the 
beauty  of  the  golden  rule,  and  of  your  living  up 
to  it,  than  all  the  societies  that  were  ever  formed 
for  the  benefit  of  the  heathen.  To  make  religion 
beautiful  in  your  own  home  and  among  your  own 
people  is  a great  work.  And  if  every  girl  did  that 
there  would  be  no  heathen.  I know  it  is  hard 
to  always  do  the  right  thing.  I know  it  is  hard 
when  there  are  beautiful,  high,  and  noble  thoughts 
that  we  would  like  to  enjoy  alone  to  have  to  sweep 
a floor,  or  mend  a gown,  or  bathe  a baby,  but 
the  doing  of  any  of  these  gently  and  cheerfully 
is  better  than  thinking  high  thoughts — it  is  living 
them. 


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Side  Talks  with  Girls 


THE  GIRL  AT  PRAYER 

I do  not  know  that  I can  tell  any  girl  how  to 
pray,  for  each  of  us  unconsciously  has  her  own 
way.  All  that  I can  do  is  to  tell  you  mine.  God 
Himself  has  never  seemed  far  off  from  me,  and 
there  is  nothing  for  which  I would  not  ask  Him. 
I think  He  knows  my  temptations,  and  He  knows 
me  physically  and  mentally.  Therefore,  when  I 
say:  Dear  God,  take  away  this  sorrow,’’  or 

^^give  me  this  pleasure,”  I know  He  understands, 
and  will  do  as  seemeth  best  to  Him.  When  the 
burden  of  the  day  becomes  almost  too  great,  the 
cry  is  only,  ^^Lord,  help  me.”  And  I tell  you 
from  my  heart  that  I have  never  prayed  and  found 
my  prayer  unanswered,  not  always,  perhaps,  just 
in  the  way  I expected  it,  but  in  time  I saw  the 
wisdom  of  it  all.  I believe  in  spoken  prayer, 
but  I believe  also  in  the  greatness  of  the  prayer 
that  is  never  uttered  by  the  lips.  I believe  that 
with  God  every  intense  wish  is  a prayer,  and 
so  I warn  you,  as  did  the  preachers  long  ago, 
to  beware  of  that  for  which  thou  wishest  with 
all  thy  heart.  Many  girls,  not  content,  or  not 
feeling  sure  of  the  words  that  would  come  from 
their  own  hearts,  appreciating  the  majesty  rather 
than  the  mercy  of  God,  prefer  a formula  of 
prayer. 


A GirVs  Religious  Life 


79 


Of  this  I only  have  to  say,  do  not  get  into  the 
habit  of  repeating  it  thoughtlessly,  but  linger  over 
the  beauty  of  its  words  and  realize  what  they 
mean  every  time  they  are  uttered.  The  universal 
prayer,  the  one  which  asks  Our  Father^’  for 
help,  and  wisdom,  and  charity,  and  sweetness, 
belongs  to  all  of  us,  is  simple  enough  for  the 
youngest  to  understand,  and  magnificent  enough 
in  its  words  and  intention  to  satisfy  the  most 
intellectual.  That  is  all  I can  say  about  prayer, 
because  when  we  pray  and  how  we  pray  must  be 
arranged  by  each,  only  we  do  not  want  our  pray- 
ers to  be  mere  words,  nor  do  we  wish  to  go  on  the 
housetops  or  the  highways  to  make  them. 

VALUE  OF  SELF-EXAMINATION 

There  is  probably  no  way  to  arrive  at  one^s  re- 
ligious condition  so  valuable  as  by  self-examina- 
tion, and  by  this  I mean  the  living  over  in  your 
thoughts  the  hours  of  the  day,  and  the  seeing 
wherein  you  have  made  mistakes,  and  how  in 
future  they  can  be  avoided.  Sometimes  this  prac- 
tice is  carried  to  such  a degree  that  hope  is  driven 
away  from  one,  but  this  is  only  when  one  is  not 
looking  at  the  world  justly,  and  is  too  prone  to 
see  the  dark  side  of  the  cloud  and  not  its  silver 
lining.  Probably  the  best  way  to  "examine  one’s 
conscience  is  to  say  to  one’s  self  the  Ten  Com- 


8o 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


mandments,  giving  a thinking  time  after  each,  to 
see  if  one  has  committed  the  small  sins  that,  while 
they  are  not  mentioned  by  words,  are  yet  really 
included  in  the  Commandments.  True,  you  may 
not  have  stolen  anything,  but  have  you  been 
quite  just  ? Certainly  you  have  not  killed  any- 
body, but  have  you  been  cruel  in  act  or  word  ? 
You  have  not  been  unchaste,  but  have  you  looked 
at  or  listened  to  anything  that  you  would  not  like 
to  tell  God  about  ? Have  you  by  a quick  word, 
a sullen  temper,  or  an  ungracious  manner  shown 
lack  of  respect  to  your  elders  and  superiors  ? 
Have  you,  even  by  innuendo,  or  by  a silence 
that  spoke  louder  than  words,  borne  false  witness 
against  your  neighbor  ? And  have  you  with  that 
question  of  who  is  my  neighbor  ? neglected  to 
do  a kindness  ? Do  you  know  that  in  a beautiful 
garden  where  the  rose-trees  grow  there  sometimes 
comes  one  poisonous  plant  that  kills  their  beau- 
cy  at  once  ? But  this  seldom  happens.  Much 
oftener,  when  no  attention  is  given  to  it,  thou- 
sands of  little  weeds  spring  up  and  choke  off  the 
growth  of  the  roses  so  that  they  wither  and  lose 
their  loveliness  little  by  little.  Now,  if  you  will 
only  recognize  the  little  sins  and  pull  them  up 
every  day  you  will  be  in  condition,  if  the  great 
one  comes,  to  hew  it  down  with  the  sharp  battle- 
axe  of  religious  strength,  so  that  it  will  not  hurt 
you. 


A GirVs  Religious  Life 


8i 


A LIVING  FAITH 

What  I want  to  make  you  understand,  my  dear 
girls,  is  that  yours  is  a faith  to  live  by,  as  well  as 
to  die  by.  It  is  a faith  that  will  send  forth  beau- 
tiful blossoms  of  love  and  consideration,  will  make 
sweet  your  daily  walks,  and  it  is  only  when  you 
make  it  a living  faith  that  it  is  worth  while.  I do 
not  wish  to  seem  to  underrate  repentance,  even  if 
it  be  at  the  last  hour,  but  I want  you  to  dis- 
tinctly understand  that  the  beautiful  life  dedi- 
cated to  God,  lived  out  in  His  honor,  certainly 
does  more  for  the  world  at  large  than  the  mere 
giving  to  Him  of  one’s  self  at  the  very  end.  I 
wish  I could  tell  you  more  plainly  what  I think 
comes  from  a living  faith.  It  seems  to  me  that  it 
must  make  all  the  words  spoken  sweet,  all  the 
looks  kindly,  and  all  the  actions  unselfish,  and 
yet  with  it  all  there  must  be  so  much  of  humanity 
in  you  that  you  never  once  suggest  to  the  other 
girls  that  you  are  anything  but  the  most  agreeable 
girl  they  know,  and  the  best  one.  I wouldn’t 
have  you  a hypocrite  for  the  world  ; I would  not 
have  you  assume  any  virtue  that  you  do  not  pos- 
sess, but  I am  more  than  anxious  that  you  should 
get  so  close  to  every  virtue  that  it  will  become  a 
part  of  you,  and  that  your  life  will  be  a picture  of 
perfect  faith  as  shown  by  works. 

6 


82 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


WHEN  HOPE  SEEMS  GONE 

There  comes  to  every  one  of  us  a time  when 
life  seems  full  of  darkness,  and  all  the  asking  for 
light  remains  unanswered.  There  comes  a time 
when  everything  we  do  is  darkened,  when  hope 
seems  gone,  and  life  itself  is  made  up  only  of  the 
dark  and  dreary  times.  These  days  always  come 
with  the  greatest  intensity  to  the  girl  who  is  most 
enthusiastic  and  most  emotional.  And  these  are 
the  times  when  she  needs  to  pray  continually  for 
help  to  hold  on  to  her  belief.  Sometimes  this 
condition  comes  from  purely  physical  reasons, 
again  from  mental  ones ; sometimes  one  is  so 
tired  with  working  and  seeing  no  apparent  result, 
and,  again,  one  grows  weary  of  calling  for  help 
and  apparently  getting  none.  The  wisest  girl 
once  in  awhile  grows  weary  in  well-doing.  Un- 
belief walks  like  a skeleton  everywhere. 

The  true  faith  may  be  yours,  it  may  be  mine. 
The  good  Samaritan  had  it,  for  he  took  care  of  the 
poor  and  the  sick  and  asked  no  questions.  It  is 
the  faith  that  makes  men  and  women  live  better 
lives,  do  more  good  in  the  world,  and  teaches  them 
to  let  their  own  lives  be  the  lanterns  to  guide  the 
doubting  over  the  troublesome  path.  Are  you 
going  to  let  the  world  scoff  at  your  faith  ? Are 
you  going  to  let  it  be  only  the  spoken  and  not  the 


A GirVs  Religious  Life  83 

active  belief?  Or  are  you  going  to  let  people  see 
how  happy  and  how  good  it  is  to  have  such  a faith, 
by  letting  them  [see  how  happy,  how  good,  how 
loving,  and  how  charitable,  your  own  life  is  ? Un- 
less you  mean  to  do  this,  to  try  to  do  this,  you 
will  never  convince  anyone  that  you  have  the 
true  faith.  You  will  never  convince  anyone  that 
yours  is  the  true  faith  when  you  attack  every 
other. 

In  the  Talmud  is  the  story  of  the  many  pilgrims 
who  came  to  the  gate  of  a great  city ; each  was 
hungry  and  thirsty,  each  spoke  in  a different  lan- 
guage and  said  one  word.  They  looked  angrily  at 
each  other,  and  it  almost  seemed  as  if  they  were 
coming  to  blows,  when  the  keeper  of  the  gate 
sent  for  an  interpreter.  He  listened  to  each  one, 
smiled,  and  said  : Give  them  grapes,  each  in 

his  own  tongue  has  asked  for  them.’^  Peace  was 
restored  and  they  became  friends.  Now,  each  of 
us  in  our  way  is  trying  to  get  to  the  Kingdom 
of  Heaven ; each  of  us  may  take  a different  mode 
of  expression,  but  as  we  know  what  the  desire  of 
each  is,  shall  we  scoff  at  the  mode  of  speaking  ? 
My  dear  girls,  respect  the  belief  of  every  human 
being,  no  matter  how  different  it  may  be  from  your 
own,  for  it  is  God,  not  you,  who  will  judge  of  the 
right  and  the  wrong. 


THE  SMALL  FAULTS  OF  GIRLS 


|HEY  can  only  be  compared  to  the  little 
foxes.  You  have  a beautiful  bunch  of 
grapes,  perfect  in  shape,  exquisite  in 
bloom,  looking  as  if  they  must  be  lus- 
cious and  sweet,  and  you  pick  one,  expecting  great 
pleasure,  but  it  sets  your  teeth  on  an  edge,  and 
you  discover  that  at  its  very  heart  it  has  been  bit- 
ten by  two  sharp  little  teeth,  and  in  consequence 
it  is  not  at  all  pleasant  to  the  taste.  So,  very 
many  times,  is  it  with  the  character  of  the  young 
girl.  There  may  be  about  her  everything  that  is 
charming;  she  may  appear  agreeable,  attractive, 
and  amiable,  but,  suddenly,  something  occurs, 
some  little  thing  is  said  or  done,  and  you  discover 
that  the  mental  little  foxes  have  bitten  at  and  taken 
away  from  her  perfection.  In  many  cases  a watch- 
ful mother  sees  that  the  little  foxes  do  not  come 
near  her  daughter,  but  quite  as  often  the  watching 
for  them  and  the  being  careful  that  they  are  not  per- 
mitted to  come  near  one  must  be  the  work  of  the 


The  Small  Faults  of  Girls  85 


girl  herself.  These  small  faults  are  at  first  trouble- 
some to  get  rid  of,  but  when  the  effect  that  they 
have  upon  the  character  is  realized,  and  it  is  seen 
how  quickly  they  grow  from  mere  faults  to  abso- 
lute sins,  surely  a girl  will  take  all  the  care  possi- 
ble and  not  only  discover  them  for  herself,  but 
hate  them  and  conquer  them. 

THE  SIN  OF  SILENCE 

Usually  much  is  said  about  speech  being  silver 
and  silence  golden,  and  yet  there  are  times  when 
silence  itself  is  a sin.  If  someone  you  know  is 
being  talked  about,  spoken  of  maliciously,  and  all 
her  faults  discussed,  what  is  your  duty  ? This : 
To  think  up  something  about  her  that  is  good, 
and  to  mention  it  so  distinctly  that  all  the  talkers 
will  be  shamed  out  of  hunting  for  her  faults  and 
will  begin  to  look  for  her  virtues.  Very  often  you 
set  your  lips  tight  and  resolve  not  to  say  a word 
against  anybody,  and  then  you  think  you  have 
done  your  duty.  But  you  haven’t.  A persistent 
silence  in  leaving  undone  that  which  you  ought  to 
have  done  has  been  your  fault,  and  that  means 
committing  a sin  of  omission.  Speak,  and  speak 
quickly  and  honestly,  never  hesitating  to  tell  of 
the  virtues  belonging  even  to  your  enemies,  be- 
cause, after  all,  it  is  a mean  thing  merely  to  keep 
silent  ] and  it  is  a great  thing  to  control  one’s  self 


86 


Side  Talks  with  Girls. 


so  that  one  may  speak  well  of  those  for  whom  one 
does  not  care. 

Of  the  sin  of  speech  you  girls  all  know.  It  is 
the  unnecessary  word  of  fault-finding.  It  is  seeing 
and  speaking  of  people’s  faults,  rather  than  search- 
ing out  and  proclaiming  their  virtues.  It  is  being 
willing  to  make  people  unhappy  by  nasty  little 
speeches  that  may  seem  clever,  but  are  really  rude. 
It  is  saying  what  you  ought  not  to  say.  It  is  al- 
lowing free  license  to  your  speech.  In  time  as 
the  result  you  will  get  so  that  you  will  even  look 
for  the  disagreeable  traits  among  your  friends  and 
those  whom  you  love,  and  you  will  speak  as  quickly 
about  them  as  about  utter  strangers.  Irrespective 
of  the  wrong  that  you  do,  how  long  will  you  re- 
tain any  friendships  worth  having?  Men  and 
women  both  are  afraid  of  the  young  woman  who 
makes  unkind  speeches,  and  so  I beg  of  you  watch 
carefully  that  the  sin  of  speech  does  not  overcome 
you,  and  rule  that  organ  which  should  be  divine, 
the  tongue. 


SINS  OF  MANNER 

In  your  manner  you  can  commit  sin.  Some- 
body has  just  been  introduced  to  you,  and  instead 
of  bowing  pleasantly,  you  give  a stiff,  haughty  nod 
that  makes  a shy  woman  feel  uncomfortable  and 
causes  her  to  have  anything  but  a pleasant  opinion 
of  you.  In  your  home  you  come  into  the  dining- 


The  Small  Faults  of  Girls 


87 


room  late  for  a meal,  throw  yourself  carelessly  into 
a chair,  and  as  you  eat  the  semi-cold  dishes,  you 
sulk  and  refuse  to  speak  to  anybody.  When  you 
are  asked  to  help  a little  in  the  household,  you 
start  to  do  it  by  banging  the  door  and  giving  poor 
work  because  your  heart  is  not  in  it,  and  you 
make  everybody  about  you  uncomfortable  by  your 
disagreeable  manner.  Some  one  comes  in  to  see 
your  mother,  some  old  friend,  and  she  wishes  to 
present  you  to  her.  You  toss  your  head,  curl  your 
lips,  don’t  want  to  go,  but  at  last  yield,  principally 
from  curiosity.  Probably  the  lady  you  meet  is 
not  very  finely  dressed,  nor  can  she  chatter  about 
social  affairs  as  you  like  your  friends  to,  but  that 
doesn’t  excuse  your  speaking  to  her  in  the  stiffest 
manner  and  making  her  feel  anything  but  com- 
fortable. 


ONE  OF  YOUR  SINS 

If  one  of  your  pet  sins  is  to  sulk  I will  tell  you 
what  to  do.  As  pleasantly  as  you  can  ask  your 
mother  to  excuse  you  for  a little  while ; then  go 
to  your  own  room  and  sit  in  front  of  your  look- 
ing-glass. Watch  your  face  and  see  how  ugly  it 
grows  when  you  yield  to  this  sin.  I am  sure  that 
in  a very  little  while  you  will  be  down  on  your 
knees  asking  God  to  help  you,  and  making  to  Him 
a promise  to  do  all  that  you  can  to  help  your- 
self. Another  ugly  fault,  and  one  which  is  of 


88 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


manner,  consists  in  finding  nothing  to  your  liking. 
Of  course,  you  display  this  fault  at  the  home  table 
most  prominently,  but  when  you  are  visiting  you 
make  your  hostess  feel  uncomfortable,  although 
you  don’t  say  a word,  by  refusing  everything  on 
the  table  except  bread  and  butter  and  tea.  Now, 
my  dear,  unless  you  learn  to  avoid  this  sin  of 
manner,  you  should  eat  by  yourself  at  home  and 
not  be  permitted  to  go  visiting. 


SINS  OF  DISRESPECT 

You  think  that  respect  is  only  necessary  to  your 
father  and  mother,  and  yet  it  is  absolutely  due  to 
whoever  is  older  than  you,  whoever  is  greater, 
and  whoever  is  better.  Flippant  speeches  and 
carelessness  of  manner  simply  stamp  you  as  being 
very  ignorant.  Fancy  making  an  old  lady  a sub- 
ject of  jest  as  I heard  a girl  doing  not  long  ago  ! 
It  happened  to  be  true  that  she  was  odd,  that  she 
dressed  much  too  young  for  her  years,  and  that 
she  seemed  to  forget  that  she  was  no  longer  a 
young  woman  ; still,  no  matter  what  she  did,  that 
did  not  excuse  the  light  criticisms  that  were  passed 
upon  her.  And  you  and  I,  my  friend,  are  just  as 
likely  to  be  foolish  when  we  are  old.  There  were 
many  good  things  in  this  old  lady’s  life ; to  many 
a young  girl  had  she  given  a pretty  party  dress, 
and  nothing  pleased  her  so  much  as  to  collect 


The  Small  Faults  of  Girls 


89 


young  people  about  her  and  make  them  have  a 
good  time.  But  this  girl  who  was  making  fun  of 
her  forgot  the  kindness  and  only  remembered  the 
little  follies,  reversing  the  judgment  that  would  be 
passed  upon  her  at  the  last  great  day. 

You  are  lacking  in  respect  to  a clerg)unan  when 
you  go  to  church  and  do  not  pay  proper  attention 
to  his  sermon.  You  are  lacking  in  respect  to  your 
hostess  when,  having  provided  some  good  music 
for  your  pleasure,  you  leave  the  room,  sit  on  the 
staircase,  and  chatter  with  a group  of  young  peo- 
ple quite  as  disrespectful  as  yourself.  You  are 
very  rude  if  you  permit  yourself,  by  spreading  out 
your  draperies,  to  occupy  two  seats  in  a car,  and 
permit  an  old  gentleman  to  stand.  You  think 
that  these  are  little  faults ; so  they  are,  but  the 
specks  upon  the  grape  where  the  sharp  little  teeth 
entered  were  almost  invisible. 

SINS  OF  EXTRAVAGANCE 

There  are  more  ways  of  being  extravagant  than 
by  spending  money.  Extravagance  of  speech  is  a 
common  fault  among  young  girls.  Something  is 
seen  and  when  it  is  described  later  on  it  would 
scarcely  be  recognized  by  any  other  looker-on. 
Extravagant  words  have  been  used,  the  situation 
has  been  made  dramatic,  and  what  was  an  ordi- 
nary, every-day  occurrence  is,  by  your  extravagant 


90 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


language,  made  to  seem  a something  of  great  im- 
portance. After  awhile  this  habit  grows  upon 
you,  and  your  friends  laughingly  say,  If  you  want 
to  be  amused  listen  to  Florence  ; if  you  want  the 
absolute  truth  of  the  affair  ask  somebody  else.^^ 
Extravagance  in  dress  very  often  means  im- 
proper dressing  — over  - dressing.  Possibly  you 
kept  the  greater  part  of  your  money  and  with  it 
bought  a fine  silk  frock,  only  fitted  for  evening  or 
visiting  wear,  and  yet,  after  it  has  seen  a little 
service,  you  are  forced  to  go  to  business  in  it. 
What  you  ought  to  have  done  was  to  get  a smart- 
looking woollen  gown,  and  then,  when  the  time 
came  for  it  to  be  used  for  every-day  wear,  it 
would  have  been  quite  proper.  Think,  if  you  are 
among  the  butterflies,  whether  you  are  not  ex- 
travagant in  urging  those  who  love  you  best  to 
give  you  pieces  of  jewelry  which  they  really  can- 
not afford  and  which  are  utterly  unsuited  to  the 
life  you  live.  Many  a business  man  can  trace  his 
downfall  to  the  diamond  ear-rings  for  which  wife 
or  daughter  begged  so  hard.  And  then  a woman 
is  seldom  satisfied  with  just  one  bit  of  prettiness. 
So,  my  dear  girl,  unless  you  know  your  father  can 
afford  it,  do  not  even  hint  to  him  that  you  would 
like  a bracelet,  or  a locket,  or  a brooch,  but  make 
yourself  look  as  charming  as  possible  in  the  sim- 
plest way,  and  then  if  dark  days  should  ever  come 
you  will  have  nothing  with  which  to  blame  yourself. 


The  Small  Faults  of  Girls 


91 


SINS  OF  THOUGHTLESSNESS 

A very  good  motto  to  put  up  in  your  bedroom 
in  bright  red  letters  is  this  : Evil  is  wrought  by 

want  of  thought/'  Yes,  it  is,  but  that  is  no  ex- 
cuse for  it.  You  are  a thinking  human  being, 
and  you  have  no  right  when  you  have  done 
wrong  to  excuse  it  by  saying  you  didn't  think 
about  it.  It  is  your  business  in  life  to  think. 
You  were  rude,  your  manner  was  not  perfect,  and 
the  words  you  said  were  evidences  of  ill-temper ; 
thoughtlessness  will  not  pardon  any  of  these.  It 
always  seems  to  me  as  if  it  were  the  weakest  of  all 
reasons,  that  one  of  lack  of  thought.  It  is  equiv- 
alent to  saying  that  you've  no  brain.  You  are 
asked  by  your  mother  to  dust  the  parlor ; it  isn't 
done,  and  when,  later  in  the  day,  you  find  her 
busy  at  it  and  know  that  she  is  so  tired  she  ought 
to  be  resting  at  this  time,  what  a poor  reason  it  is 
for  you  to  give  as  an  explanation  of  your  neglect, 

I got  to  talking  and  didn't  think." 

You  are  asked  by  an  employer  to  carefully 
watch  a certain  account  and  to  see  that  there  are 
no  errors.  At  first  you  do  with  much  enthusiasm  ; 
then,  without  exactly  fonnulating  the  idea,  you 
let  it  alone.  Some  day  there  is  a great  error ; it 
means  a loss  of  much  money,  and  when  you  are 
reminded  of  what  you  were  asked  to  do,  isn't  this 


92 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


a poor  excuse  for  not  having  attended  to  your 
duty:  I looked  carefully  after  everything  else, 

but  lately  I haven’t  given  a thought  to  that  ” ? 

You  hear  a bit  of  gossip,  you  repeat  it  to  your 
best  friend.  It  goes  around  the  circle  and  event- 
ually you  are  forced  to  face  it  again.  Then  the 
woman  about  whom  it  was  asks  you  why,  and  it 
seems  a mean,  low  reason  when  you  say  : Well, 

It  was  told  to  me  and  I never  gave  a thought  to 
there  being  any  harm  in  repeating  it.  ’ ’ So  you 
see  what  may  be  wrought  by  thoughtlessness. 
The  shrug  of  the  shoulder,  the  curl  of  the  lip  when 
someone  else  is  referred  to  may,  on  your  part, 
mean  very  little,  but  when  they  are  described  and 
much  stress  laid  upon  them,  the  impression  is  that 
you  know  a great  deal  that  you  haven’t  told. 
What  you  did  was  done  from  thoughtlessness; 
that  is  your  excuse.  But  this  is  absolutely  true, 
one  can  easier  battle  with  something  that  is  pre- 
meditated than  with  something  that  is  done  in  so- 
called  thoughtlessness. 


SINS  OF  JEALOUSY 

These  are  very  mean  sins.  They  make  you 
undervalue  your  friends.  They  make  you  say 
petty,  mean  things,  and  they  cause  to  grow  in 
your  heart  a poisonous  green  plant  which  is  bitter 
to  the  taste  and  which  is  called  envy.  You  are 


The  Small  Faults  of  Girls 


93 


jealous  of  somebody’s  beautiful  looks.  Beautiful 
looks,  my  child,  do  not  last  forever,  but  beauty 
of  manner  will  cling  to  one  all  one’s  life.  You 
are  unhappy  because  somebody’s  clothes  are  finer 
than  yours ; keep  yours  sweet  and  neat,  try  and 
forget  about  outer  garments,  go  out  in  the  sun- 
shine, and  you  will  realize  that  in  life  she  who 
wears  beautiful  clothes  gets  very  little  more  pleas- 
ure, no  more  sunshine,  and  no  more  keen  appre- 
ciation of  everything  than  you  do  in  your  simple, 
suitable  frock. 

You  are  jealous  because  somebody  is  spoken  of 
as  a fine  musician,  whereas  you  can  only  play  the 
accompaniments,  while  your  brothers  and  sisters 
sing  the  songs  that  all  of  them  like.  Perhaps  the 
girl  who  is  such  an  artist  in  music  may  be  unfort- 
unate enough  not  to  have  brothers  and  sisters ; 
so  you  must  think  about  your  blessings,  think 
over  what  you  have  that  she  doesn’t  possess,  and 
make  yourself  happy.  If  you  allow  jealousy  to 
take  possession  of  you,  you  will  not  only  be  a 
very  unhappy  girl,  but  you  will  make  everybody 
around  you  dislike  you,  and  surely  you  don’t 
want  that  to  happen  ? 


THESE  EVERY-DAY  FAULTS 

I know  every  one  of  my  girls  can  think  of  some 
other  little  fault,  one  that  is  peculiar  to  herself. 


94 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


Now,  I want  her  to  represent  the  perfect  speci- 
men of  girlhood,  just  as  the  perfect  grape  is  the 
finest  of  fruits,  satisfying  the  thirst,  the  taste,  and 
the  eyes.  But,  my  dear  girls,  if  you  want  to  be 
this  you  must  pull  out  the  little  faults  as  you 
would  the  weeds  from  a garden.  Pull  them  so 
carefully  that  they  cannot  come  back,  and  in 
their  place  sow  the  seed  of  the  beautitul  flowers 
that  represent  the  virtues.  Then  you  will  be 
happier,  better,  and  more  lovable,  and  it  will 
make  life  sweeter  for  everybody  around  you.  And 
behold,  some  day,  taking  you  in  her  arms,  your 
mother  will  tell  you  that  the  brightness  and  good 
cheer  in  the  house  are  due  to  you  and  your  virt- 
ues. She  may,  perhaps,  remind  you  of  that 
time  when  you  weren’t  as  wise  as  you  are  now, 
and  be  sure  she  will  congratulate  you  on  your 
victory  over  the  little  faults  of  every-day  life. 
After  this  it  is  so  easy  to  conquer  big  faults ; they 
stand  out  so  prominently,  having  no  little  ones  to 
excuse  them,  that  you  see  them  and  control  them. 
You  get  them  well  in  grasp  and  master  them, 
and  in  time,  you,  my  girl,  by  your  own  efforts, 
will  become  ‘‘a  perfect  woman  nobly  planned.’’ 


WHAT  SHALL  A GIRL  READ? 


jY  dearest  comrade,  my  chosen  friend  is 
the  girl  who  loves  to  read.  I am 
thankful  that  there  are  so  many  of 
her.  Her  voice  comes  crying  from 
the  wilderness,  ‘‘What  shall  I read?”  And  I, 
sitting  among  my  books,  feel  that  in  my  own  way 
I must  answer  her  question.  But  first  I want  to 
tell  her  how  to  read.  She  must  not  attempt  a 
book  that  does  not  interest  her.  It  may  be  true 
that  she  has  taken  it  up  because  she  has  expected 
it  to  improve  her,  but  that  will  never  happen  un- 
less heart  and  brain  alike  are  working  on  the 
thoughts  bound  between  the  covers.  Mere  read- 
ing by  the  eyes  is  of  no  value,  we  may  read  page 
after  page  and  then  put  the  book  down  and  find 
that  we  know  nothing  whatever  about  it. 

The  book  that  is  a friend  to  me  may  be  a 
stupid,  tiresome  acquaintance  to  another,  there- 
fore no  one  person  can  say  what  will  interest  the 
other.  In  the  last  few  years  there  have  been  in 


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Side  Talks  with  Girls 


numerable  lists  of  the  hundred  best  books,  and  I 
feel  that  I may  say  that  they  are  as  useless  as  a ♦ 
worn-out  blotter,  for  they  only  express  the  opin- 
ion of  one  person.  So  I will  not  tell  my  girls 
what  books  they  ought  to  read,  but  I will  tell 
them  of  the  books  I love,  and  which  I hope  they 
will  learn  to  love. 

WHAT  TO  READ 

Even  if  one  could  live  the  time  allotted  to  the 
good  man  it  would  be  impossible  to  read  every- 
thing. The  girl  who  is  reading  for  a special  pur- 
pose is,  I may  mention,  not  the  girl  to  whom  I 
am  talking.  My  girl  is  the  one  who,  busy  either 
in  the  home  or  outside  of  it,  is  able  to  devote  only 
a certain  time  to  reading,  and  wants  to  get  pleas- 
ure and  benefit  from  books. 

The  girl  who  is  able  to  speak  French  and  Ger- 
man, and  to  read  both  easily,  very  contemptu- 
ously says,  Never  read  a translation.”  Now 
she  is  wrong.  To-day  there  are  extremely  good 
translations  of  foreign  authors  in  the  market,  and 
it  would  be  very  unwise  to  lose  the  reading  of  a 
good  book  because  you  have  to  take  it  in  English 
rather  than  in  its  native  tongue.  Read  books  that 
are  adapted  to  your  moods ; take  a merry  book 
when  you  are  sad,  but  make  it  one  of  those  merry 
books  in  which  the  wit  does  not  sting  and  hurt 


]Vhat  Shall  a Girl  Read? 


97 


the  heart,  and  be  very  careful  to  avoid  those  most 
undesirable  books  that  presume  to  jest  at  sacred 
things. 

THE  WAY  TO  READ 

First  of  all  thinkingly.  I know  there  is  no 
such  word  in  the  dictionary,  but  what  I say  cov- 
ers what  I mean ; let  your  eyes,  mind,  and  heart 
become  absorbed  until  you  feel  that  you  are  of  the 
people  about  whom  you  are  reading,  or  else  that 
you  are  arguing  with  the  author  as  to  his  opinions. 
Don’t  be  afraid  to  be  ignorant.  And  the  very 
first  word  which  is  not  absolutely  clear  to  you 
attach  to  your  vocabulary  by  looking  it  out  in 
the  dictionary.  Learn  also  to  forget — to  forget 
the  wrong  that  you  may  have  stumbled  across  and 
to  forget  the  book  that  has  made  you  unhappy. 
Last  year  when  I was  ill  I had  a book  experience 
that  taught  me  much.  A friend  came  in  and 
brought  a book,  which  at  that  time  was  being 
talked  about  and  reviewed,  and  in  which  she 
thought  I would  be  interested.  I read  it  through 
very  carefully — with  this  result,  that  every  pain 
I had  grew  worse,  the  entire  world  seemed  against 
me,  there  was  a black  cloud  across  the  sun,  all  the 
people  were  unhappy,  and  there  was  no  promise 
of  improvement  in  the  future. 

The  next  day  some  old  novels  were  brought  to 
me,  and  when  the  friend  who  had  brought  the 


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Side  Talks  with  Girts 


black  book  came  to  me  she  said,  How  much 
better  you  look  ! I am  sure  you  liked  that  book,’’ 
and  I answered,  No,  take  it  away.  If  I could 
I would  burn  every  copy  of  it.  If  I look  better 
to-day  it  is  because  I am  living  in  the  days  of  chiv- 
alry; I am  seeing  the  romance  of  the  French 
court ; I am  bowing  down  before  Louis  XIV. , and 
I am  happy  to  read  about  the  daring  deeds  of  the 
Mousquetaires,  and  how  their  cry  was  always  ^ For 
the  king  and  for  the  ladies.’  ” 

Oh,”  she  said,  you  are  only  reading  a nov- 
el ’ ’ And  I then  confess  to  stealing  a quotation 
from  Jane  Austen : 

‘ Only  a novel,’  ” I said  ; ^ it  is  only  Ce- 

cilia,” or  Camilla,”  or  Belinda,”  or,  in  short, 
only  some  work  in  which  the  greatest  powers  of 
the  mind  are  displayed,  in  which  the  most  thor- 
ough knowledge  of  human  nature,  the  happiest  de- 
lineations of  its  variety,  the  liveliest  effusions  of 
wit  and  humor  are  conveyed  to  the  world  in  the 
best  language.’  ” 

SOME  TRANSLATED  BOOKS 

For  the  girl  who  loves  to  read  I do  not  advise 
all  translations,  but  there  are  very  many  which  are 
good.  If  you  are  interested  in  France  you  can 
choose  all  the  novels  of  the  elder  Dumas ; that 
wonderful  story  of  life,  ’93/*  written  by  Victor 
Hugo,  and  also  Les  Miserables.”  Then  you 


IVhat  Shall  a Girl  Read  ? 


99 


may  take  up  Daudet’s  earlier  novels  and  get  a 
glimpse  of  life  during  the  time  of  Louis  Napoleon. 
France  will  become  so  close  to  you  that  just  here 
will  fit  in  Dickens's  Tale  of  Two  Cities/'  and 
then  while  your  heart  is  full  of  the  heroism  of  a 
man,  you  will  elect  to  read  a new  and  very  full  life 
of  the  martyrdom  of  Marie  Antoinette.  It  is  a 
new  life  of  the  queen  written  by  Maxime  de  La 
Rocheterie.  There  you  will  not  only  find  de- 
scriptions of  the  beautiful  women  of  that  day,  but 
you  will  see  pictures  of  all  those  who  were  famous 
either  by  their  virtue  or  by  their  wickedness.  A 
book  with  pictures  is  always  doubly  interesting, 
and  I fancy  my  girls  are  like  me  in  that  respect. 
To  gain  a better  knowledge  of  the  women  of  the 
French  courts  read  all  the  books  written  by  Im- 
bert  de  St.  Armand.  He  begins  by  writing  about 
the  women  of  the  Valois,  and  goes  right  through 
to  the  time  when  Josephine  won  friends  for  Napo- 
leon by  her  sweetness  and  her  loyalty,  and  even 
later.  Having  got  so  far  you  may  choose  Car- 
lyle's French  Revolution,"  but  if  you  find  it 
stupid  drop  it,  for  if  it  tires  you  it  will  be  of  no 
use  to  you. 

Ah,"  says  my  girl,  you  are  mixing  novels 
and  history,  Ruth  Ashmore." 

So  I am,  but  that  is  the  way  I believe  in  read- 
ing. When  you  read  let  it  be  first  of  all  for  pleas- 
ure and  then  for  profit. 


lOO 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


TO  VISIT  FOREIGN  LANDS 

If  you  want  to  visit  Italy,  the  home  of  art,  the 
land  of  beauty,  the  country  that  is  like  a wondrous 
old  book,  you  must  get  the  novels  of  Italian  life 
written  by  Marion  Crawford ; they  will  show 
you  pictures  of  the  Italy  of  to-day,  and  in  them 
you  will  also  find  descriptions  of  famous  pictures 
and  palaces  that  will  make  you  hunt  for  yourself 
the  books  that  will  touch  upon  the  subjects  in 
which  you  have  grown  to  have  an  interest.  You 
will  read  Mrs.  Piozzi's  Glimpses  of  Italian  So- 
ciety in  the  Eighteenth  Century.’’  You  will  find 
yourself  searching  out  for  the  lives  of  the  popes, 
and  of  the  pagans  as  well,  until  some  day  you  will 
discover  that  you  want  to  possess,  that  you  may 
look  at  it  often,  the  book  of  that  Christian  Pagan, 

The  Meditations  of  Marcus  Aurelius.” 

Russia,  with  its  mystery  and  awfulness,  is  a 
country  that  you  long  to  know  about.  Then  you 
must  take  up  The  Midnight  Sun  ; or.  The  Tsar 
and  the  Nihilist,”  by  Buckley.  You  will  read 
Kennan  on  Siberia,  and  Stepniak,  as  he  writes 
about  the  Russian  peasantry  ; then  you  will  give 
a jump  away  back  and  read  the  life  of  Catherine 
the  Great,  and  so  will  understand  why  Russia  has 
become  what  it  is.  I do  not  advise  you  to  read 
the  Russian  novels  of  to-day. 


IVhat  Shall  a Girl  Read? 


lOI 


England  is  so  near  to  us,  and  her  books  are  so 
many,  that  no  girl  will  have  trouble  in  finding 
them,  but  as  she  reads  English  history  let  her  take 
with  it  Agnes  Strickland’s  Lives  of  the  Queens 
of  England,”  those  poems  of  Austin  Dobson’s 
that  belong  to  certain  eras,  and  the  comedies  and 
tragedies  not  only  of  Shakespeare,  but  of  those  old 
writers  who  to-day  furnish  ideas  for  modern  play- 
wrights. 


THE  GOOD  NOVEL 

But  some  of  you  have  so  little  time  that  you 
cannot  read  any  histories  but  must  find  relaxation 
in  the  good  novel  alone.  By  the  good  novel  I 
mean  the  one  that,  written  in  good  English,  tells 
an  interesting  story,  has  a distinct  plot,  and  ends 
happily.  The  novel  is  the  comedy  of  the  library  ; 
it  should  bring  pleasure ; it  may  cause  tears,  but 
as  the  tears  course  down  your  cheek  they  should 
mark  the  place  where  the  dimple  is  to  form  for  the 
laughter.  First  of  all  Thackeray,  and  then  Dick- 
ens. When  you  read  Henry  Esmond”  and 
the  Virginians  ” you  will  get  a good  picture  of 
life  in  America  when  it  was  called  the  Colo- 
nies.” When  you  read  The  Newcomes  ” you 
will  meet  and  be  thankful  for  the  acquaintance  of 
one  of  God’s  noblemen — a Christian  gentleman. 
You  will  like  John  Halifax,  Gentleman.”  You 
will  probably  drift  to  the  books  of  Walter  Besant, 


102 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


the  man  who  draws  pictures  of  life  as  it  is  to-day 
and  life  as  it  ought  to  be.  And  then  if  you  want 
a weird  but  intensely  interesting  book,  you  may 
take  Crawford's  Witch  of  Prague,"  and  for  a 
while  every-day  life  will  go  from  you  and  you 
will  be  living  in  a city  that  is  always  old  and 
which  will  never  grow  new. 


NOVELS  OF  ADVENTURE 

If  you  like  adventure  read  the  books  of  Rider 
Haggard,  and  follow  them  up,  if  you  possibly  can, 
with  a history  and  a geography.  If  you  like 
stories  that  hinge  around  a crime  and  show  how 
by  tiny  clews  and  great  ingenuity  the  criminal  is 
discovered  and  the  innocent  proved  free  of  sin, 
read  the  translated  books  of  Gabor iau,  of  Boisgo- 
bey,  and  of  that  clever  English  writer,  A.  Conan 
Doyle.  If  you  want  an  absolutely  merry  time 
take  up  the  books  of  the  man  to  whom  I owe  a 
never-ending  debt  of  gratitude  for  the  pleasure  he 
has  given  me.  I mean  Jerome  K.  Jerome.  After 
you  have  laughed  at  the  adventures  of  the  Three 
Men  in  a Boat,"  delighted  in  the  pranks  of  that 
wise  dog  Montmorenci,  you  will  discover  that  in 
with  the  story  you  have  read  is  a wonderful  de- 
scription of  historic  England  as  it  is  found  going 
up  the  Thames.  And  when  you  take  up  the 

History  of  a Pilgrimage  " you  will  find  you  are 


IVhat  Shall  a Girl  Read?  103 


reading  not  only  one  of  the  most  beautiful  de- 
scriptions of  the  Passion  Play,  but  the  tender 
story  of  the  Man  who  came  and  died  for  you  and 
for  me — died  in  suffering  and  in  shame.  If  you 
love  short  stories  read  Marse  Chan  and  Other 
Stories,''  by  Thomas  Nelson  Page.  Take  ‘‘  Gal- 
legher  " and  Van  Bibber,"  by  Richard  Hard- 
ing Davis,  and  when  you  have  finished  reading 
them  you  will  save  up  your  money  to  buy  those 
two  books,  because  you  will  want  to  enroll  them 
among  your  friends.  Kipling  ? Well,  yes.  Cer- 
tainly Plain  Tales  from  the  Hills."  And  for 
a good  picture  of  Indian  life,  The  Potter's 
Thumb,"  by  Mrs.  Steel.  Then,  too,  you  must, 
for  the  sake  of  the  fun,  as  well  as  the  pictures  of 
old  New  York,  read  all  of  Janvier's,  beginning 
with  his  inimitable  Color  Studies." 

AMONG  THE  POETS 

You  will  tell  me  that  you  have  read  all  the 
standard  poets.  If  you  have  lingered  with  de- 
light over  Childe  Harold"  you  should  read 
Moore's  Life  of  Byron."  With  Shelley's  poems 
you  should  combine  the  story  of  his  life  as  written 
by  his  dear  friend  Trevelyan,  who  is  buried  close 
beside  him  in  the  English  cemetery  at  Rome. 

Do  you  see  how  I want  you  to  read  ? I want 
you  to  make  one  book  connect  with  another  until 


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Side  Talks  with  Girls 


you  have  gained  a thorough  knowledge  of  the 
writer,  his  environment,  and  his  friends,  and 
have  seen  the  reason  for  the  existence  of  his 
works.  You  should  read  Austin  Dobson,  and  Sir 
Edwin  Arnold,  choosing  especially  his  shorter 
poems,  and  Thomas  Bailey  Aldrich.  You  will 
probably  have  a marked  copy  of  Owen  Meredith’s 
Lucile,”  and  I hope,  my  dear  girl,  one  also  of 
that  greatest  poem  ever  written  by  a woman, 
Aurora  Leigh.”  You  will  learn  to  love  Tom 
Hood.  Whittier  will  appeal  to  your  quiet  hours, 
and  so  will  Adelaide  Procter.  There  is  a writer 
of  to-day  who  is  a never-ceasing  pleasure  to  me, 
and  I think  he  will  be  to  you.  Through  long 
nights  of  sleeplessness  I have  had  his  poems  and 
his  stories  read  to  me,  and  one  night  when  noth- 
ing would  quiet  pain,  it  was  forgotten  for  a few 
minutes  as  I listened  to  the  description  of  ^^The 
Hush-a-by  Lady  from  Lullaby  Street.”  That 
this  writer  is  an  American  and  of  to-day  makes 
me  glad,  and  I am  sure  it  will  you.  Of  course, 
you  know  I mean  Eugene  Field.  His  Little 
Book  of  Profitable  Tales  ” and  its  companion,  the 
‘^Little  Book  of  Western  Verse,”  will  bring  hap- 
piness and  pleasure  even  where  there  is  despair 
and  pain. 


JVhat  Shall  a Girl  Read? 


los 


THE  RELIGIOUS  BOOK 

I think  we  have  to  find  out  each  for  himself  the 
books  that  appeal  to  our  souls.  I am  not  a great 
believer  in  the  so-called  religious  books.  I can 
recommend  only  those  I know  about.  First  of  all 
the  Bible,  then  Thomas  a Kempis,  then  the  old- 
fashioned  Hymns,  Ancient  and  Modern,’’  and 
Mrs.  Ewing’s  stories.  With  these  an  old  copy  o^ 

Solomon’s  Prayer  for  Wisdom,”  and  beside  it, 
printed  on  a piece  of  parchment.  Cardinal  New- 
man’s great  prayer  in  verse,  ^^Lead,  Kindly 
Light.” 

I hope  that  this  little  talk  about  books  will 
make  my  girls  more  interested  in  them  and  more 
anxious  to  make  their  acquaintance.  They  are 
friends  that  never  fail  us ; they  never  deceive, 
they  never  gossip,  nor  can  we  ever  find  them  lack- 
ing in  any  of  the  virtues.  Just  as  long  as  there 
are  books  in  the  world  we  can  live  in  the  very 
finest  society ; we  can  be  worldly  and  courteous 
with  Lord  Chesterfield  j we  can  be  gay  at  Little 
Trianon  with  Marie  Antoinette  ; we  can  be  pow- 
erful and  rule  Russia  with  the  great  Catherine; 
we  can  be  diplomatic  with  Richelieu,  and  best  of 
all  we  can  live  in  our  books  that  old,  old  story  of 
hope,  of  suffering,  and  of  love,  the  story  which 
has  been  the  key-note  to  every  book  that  ever  was 


io6 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


written.  The  best  way  I can  end  this  little  talk 
is  by  quoting  Mrs.  Browning  : 

“We  get  no  good 
By  being  ungenerous,  even  to  a book, 

And  calculating  profits — so  much  help 
By  so  much  reading.  It  is  rather  when 
We  gloriously  forget  ourselves,  and  plunge 
Soul-forward,  headlong,  into  a book’s  profound, 
Impassioned  for  its  beauty  and  salt  of  truth — 

*Tis  then  we  get  the  right  good  from  a book.” 


THE  GIRL  WHO  USES  SLANG 

WONDER  how  many  times  my  girls 
are  slangy?  I wonder  if  they  ever 
think  what  a lack  of  refinement  is 
shown  in  being  slangy  in  word,  dress, 
or  manner  ? I wonder  if  they  ever  think  how 
this  much-to-be-deplored  slanginess  affects  the 
listener  and  the  looker-on  ? I cannot  believe  that 
any  of  them  think  this  out,  and  so  I am  going  to 
preach  a little  sermon  about  slang.  The  first  step 
down  on  the  very  quick  descent  of  bad  manners 
is  shown  in  the  use  of  it.  Commencing  with  the 
mere  words  of  slang  soon,  very  soon,  a general 
degeneration  in  the  girl  herself  may  be  noticed. 
A girl  may  claim  that  she  uses  slang  in  a joking 
way ; she  may  just  at  first,  but  commenced  as  a 
bit  of  fun  it  gets  to  be,  like  all  bad  habits,  difficult 
to  overcome. 

The  American  girl  is  bright,  cultivated,  and  re- 
fined ; she  is  pretty  and  interesting,  and  yet  when 
you  hear  her  say,  as  many  a one  does  every  day 


io8 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


of  her  life,  about  a book,  or  a song,  or  a play,  or 
somebody’s  manner,  Oh,  I caught  on  to  it,” 
or  about  something  of  which  she  was  tired,  some- 
thing that  wearied  her,  ‘^Oh,  I’ll  give  it  the 
shake,”  or  of  somebody  who  was  very  quick 
in  manner  or  perception,  ‘^Oh,  ain’t  he  fly?” 
what  would  you  think  of  her  and  what  does  the 
world  conclude  about  her  ? 

THE  WAY  SHE  USES  SLANG 

You  ask  her  if  she  knows  something  and  she 
responds,  You  bet ! ” You  ask  her  if  she  en- 
joyed herself  at  some  place  and  she  answers,  Like 
a streak  ! ” If  she  starts  to  tell  you  a story  she 
would  possibly  be  surprised  to  be  told  that  she 
uses  slang.  She  does  not  know  where  she  gets  it 
herself.  Nobody  ever  does  know.  She  sees  no 
harm  in  it.  There  is  no  use  of  profane  or  unclean 
words,  and  yet  this  slangy  mode  of  speech  is  the  lit- 
tle rift  within  the  lute  that,  by  and  by,  will  make 
all  the  music  of  the  fine  womanly  conversation  not 
mute,  but  drowned  in  a hubbub  of  loud  sounds 
and  common  words.  The  girl  who  continually 
uses  slang  as  naturally  elevates  her  voice  as  she 
breathes  ; she  does  this  because  she  wants  to  give 
the  full  effect  of  her  mode  of  speech,  or,  as  she 
says,  Give  everybody  a chance  to  catch  on.” 

In  the  great  world  of  to-day  it  would  seem  as 


The  Girl  IVho  Uses  Slang 


109 


if  there  were  plenty  of  girls  with  brains,  plenty 
of  entertaining  girls,  plenty  of  pretty  girls,  but 
can  you  tell  me  how  many  girls  you  know  whose 
words,  dress,  and  manners  are  perfectly  refined  ? 
I know  that  it  is  said  that  the  various  reformers 
see  no  charm  in  the  woman  who  is  conspicuous  by 
her  quiet  manner,  sweet  voice,  and  good  English, 
and  yet  she  is  the  woman  who  is  a power  where 
the  slangy  girl  receives  absolutely  no  recognition. 
Good  English  is  not  difficult  to  speak.  It  does 
not  mean  words  of  many  syllables.  The  very 
best  is  that  wherein  the  shortest  and  simplest 
words  are  used. 

WHAT  YOU  MUST  DO 

% 

I do  not  want  my  girl  to  be  slangy.  So  now  I 
am  going  to  make  a little  suggestion  : Suppose 
you  take  a sheet  of  paper  and  a pencil,  put  on 
your  thinking-cap  and  then  write  down  the  vari- 
ous slang  words  you  are  in  the  habit  of  using,  and 
I am  sure  you  will  be  surprised  when  you  see 
them  in  black  and  white.  You  have  not  realized 
that  you  are  a slave  to  slang.  But  having  dis- 
covered the  power  of  the  enemy  half  the  battle  is 
fought.  Now  just  take  to  fining  yourself  each  time 
you  use  a word  of  slang,  and  then  give  your  fines 
to  something  or  somebody  to  whom  you  do  not 
wish  to  be  generous.  You  will  be  a bit  surprised 


no 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


when  you  see  how  quickly  you  will  stop  using  the 
objectionable  language,  and  how  easy  it  is,  after 
all,  to  express  all  that  you  want  to  say  in  pure 
English. 

Then,  too,  just  think  how  ridiculous  slang 
words  would  make  certain  situations  in  life.  You 
are  fond  of  that  pretty  play  called  The  Lady  of 
Lyons — fancy,  after  Claude  Melnotte  has  made 
his  beautiful  avowal  of  love — one  of  the  most 
perfectly  expressed  and  exquisite  word-pictures  in 
the  English  language — ^just  fancy  Pauline  looking 
up  into  his  face  and  meeting  his  question  by  say- 
ing, should  smile  !*'  Imagine,  if  you  can, 
when  Richelieu,  to  protect  Julie,  draws  around  her 
form  the  awful  circle  of  our  solemn  Church,’* 
and  causes  the  villains  who  are  pursuing  her  to 
recognize  the  power  of  the  cardinal  as  well  as  the 
purity  of  the  girl — imagine  Julie  turning  and  say- 
ing, Well,  we  got  there  ! ” Now  there  are  times 
when  your  slang  sounds  just  as  ridiculous  as  this, 
and  without  considering  the  other  bad  effect  it  has 
on  you,  it  makes  you  appear  silly  and  undignified. 


SLANG  IN  DRESS 

A puzzled  girl  says  : How  can  I be  slangy  in 

my  dress?  ” I’ll  tell  you,  and  then  you  can  see 
whether  you  are  or  not.  The  girl  who,  because 
lace  frills  are  fashionable,  has  her  frills  wider  than 


The  Girl  IVho  Uses  Slang 


111 


anybody  else,  who  accentuates  the  width  of  her 
skirts,  the  brim  of  her  hat,  who,  because  pink 
roses  are  fashionable,  has  the  greatest  number  of 
pink  roses  and  those  deepest  in  tone,  this  girl  is 
slangy  in  dress.  She  is  the  girl  whose  dress  tires 
your  eyes  as  you  look  at  it.  She  is  the  girl  who, 
the  very  minute  she  enters  a room,  makes  you 
conscious  of  her  presence  by  the  noise  of  her 
skirts,  and  who  gives  you  an  overpowering  sense 
of  her  having  too  much  to  wear.  That  is  one 
type. 

Another  is  the  girl,  who,  seizing  the  jaunty 
fashion  of  cloth  skirts,  soft  blouses,  and  pretty 
jackets,  makes  it  slangy  by  having  the  soft  blouse; 
developed  into  a loud,  stiff  shirt,  and  the  jackef; 
made  to  look  as  much  like  a man^s  coat  as  possi- 
ble. With  this  she  wears  a masculine  tie,  a stiff 
plain  hat,  and,  unconsciously,  she  assumes  the  man- 
ners of  a man.  But  as  she  is  not  a man  she  does 
not  succeed  in  this,  and  the  consequence  is  that 
she  appears  to  you  as  being  neither  a feminine 
woman  nor  a manly  boy.  Dress  has  its  influence 
over  everybody,  and  girls  who  are  slangily 
dressed,  that  is,  who  go  to  extremes  in  any  style 
of  dressing,  certainly  become  exaggerated  in  their 
manners  and  speech. 


1 12 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


WITH  THE  EYES  OF  A MAN 

A young  woman  I knew,  who  affected  this  mas- 
culine get-up,  was  so  pretty  that  it  seemed  a 
shame,  and  a gentleman  ventured  to  expostulate 
with  her,  telling  her  that  she  was  so  charming  as  a 
woman  that  she  ought  not  to  try  to  look  like  a 
poor  imitation  of  a man.  His  words  were  met  by 
a prolonged  whistle,  and  this  reply,  which  was  un- 
answerable, Oh,  but  it  is  so  tart ! ''  This  same 
young  woman  was  invited  to  a dinner  - party. 
She  announced  that  she  intended  to  make  a sen- 
sation by  her  costume,  and  it  was  generally  be- 
lieved that  she  was  going  to  appear  in  some  very 
beautiful  gown.  Imagine  the  horror  of  the  host- 
ess when  she  entered  the  drawing-room  in  a black 
broadcloth  skirt  that  fitted  her  figure  closely. 
With  this  she  wore  an  evening  shirt,  a black  waist- 
coat, cut  low  to  show  the  expanse  of  white  linen, 
and  a black  dress-coat.  Her  shirt-buttons  were 
white  enamel  ones,  so  were  the  links  in  her  cuffs, 
and  her  tie  of  white  lawn  was  arranged  after  the 
fashion  affected  by  men  in  the  evening.  After  she 
went  away  the  son  of  the  hostess  said  to  his 
mother,  Never  invite  that  girl  to  the  house 
again.  No  woman  with  the  least  refinement 
would,  even  for  a jest,  appear  dressed  in  that 
manner.’^  The  mother  gave  a sigh  of  relief  and 


The  Girl  Who  Uses  Slang 


113 


said,  My  dear  boy,  I am  so  glad  to  hear  you 
say  that.  She  is  so  bright  and  witty  and  the 
men  all  seem  to  admire  her  so  much  that  I was 
afraid  you  would  not  look  at  her  dress  with  the 
eyes  of  a woman.”  No,”  he  answered,  I am 
not  looking  at  it  with  the  eyes  of  a woman,  I am 
looking  at  it  with  the  eyes  of  a man,  and  to  a 
man  it  is  a thousand  times  more  offensive  than  it 
would  be  to  a woman.”  Will  you  just  think  this 
over  a little  bit  and  conclude  whether  you  are 
slangy  in  your  dress  ? 


WITH  YOUR  FRIENDS 

How  long  do  you  suppose  you  will  keep  women 
who  are  refined  and  intelligent  and  womanly  as 
friends  if  you  are  boisterous,  loud,  and  slangy  ? 
Gradually  these  friends  and  acquaintances  will  slip 
away,  and  you  will  discover  that,  instead  of  the 
people  who  had  at  one  time  a deep  interest  in 
you,  you  are  surrounded  by  those  whose  manners 
are  quite  as  bad,  if  not  worse  than  your  own,  and 
who  only  regard  you  as  somebody  who  affords 
them  great  fun.”  It  will  come  home  to  yon 
some  day  and  hurt  you  when  you  realize  that  the 
girls  you  liked  visit  you  no  longer.  After  awhile 
they  will  begin  to  bow  coolly  to  you  and  perhaps 
not  recognize  you  at  all.  Wise  mothers  do  not 

care  to  surround  their  daughters  with  objectionable 
8 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


114 


friends.  It  will  annoy  you  at  first  to  think  that 
you  are  counted  one  of  these,  but  after  awhile  you 
will  assume  an  air  of  bravado  and  say  that  you 
don’t  care.  But  you  will  be  telling  an  untruth, 
for  you  do  care.  There  is  no  woman  who  does  not 
like  to  think  that  she  has  real  friends — friends  who 
love  and  admire  her,  and  who  are  loyal  to  her. 
The  slangy  girl  may  have  hundreds  of  acquaint- 
ances, but  she  will  never  get  these  thoughtless 
people  interested  in  her  so  that  she  will  be  com- 
pensated for  the  loss  of  a friend  who  would  have 
stood  by  her  through  sorrow  and  through  joy. 

SLANG  IN  MANNERS 

The  girl  who  is  slangy  in  her  manner  is  the  girl 
who  commenced  by  being  slangy  in  her  speech, 
and  who  is  to-day  the  worst  specimen  of  bad 
manners  in  existence.  Carelessness  in  speech  has 
brought  this  about.  She  sees  no  use  for  the  pretty 
courtesies  of  every-day  life  ; she  doesn’t  care  to  be 
treated  like  a lady,  because  she  wants  to  be  ‘ ‘ one 
of  the  boys.”  She  likes  to  call  herself  a jolly 
fellow.”  She  leans  her  elbows  on  the  table  at 
dinner,  she  lolls  in  the  chair  in  the  most  careless  of 
attitudes.  She  thinks  it  very  funny  to  jump  on 
and  off  the  car  as  it  is  going,  and  equally  funny  to 
whistle  for  the  car  to  stop,  instead  of  motioning 
for  it  as  other  girls  do.  She  sees  no  reason  why 


The  Girl  IVho  Uses  Slang  115 


she  should  be  respectful  to  older  people  — she 
shrugs  her  shoulders  and  announces  audibly  that 
they  bore  her.  She  doesn’t  care  to  read  books 
unless  they  have  what  she  calls  go  ” in  them. 
She  is  familiar  with  the  scandals  of  the  day,  as 
gleaned  from  the  newspapers,  and  is  greatly  given 
to  announcing  that  she  doesn’t  hesitate  to  call  a 
spade  a spade.  She  is  very  pronounced  in  her 
likes  and  dislikes  and  will  not  endure  contradic- 
tion. She  doesn’t  trouble  herself  to  hint  for  any- 
thing that  she  wushes  men  to  do  for  her,  she  de- 
liberately asks  them,  and  it  rather  surprises  her 
after  a while  to  find  that,  considering  her  just  one  of 
themselves,  a man  will  refuse  her  request.  She 
doesn’t  seem  to  understand  that  while  a man  may 
be  attracted  by  her  prettiness  and  amused  in  a way 
by  her  manner,  he  very  soon  gets  tired  of  her,  for 
from  the  beginning  of  the  world  men  have  never 
loved  the  women  who  were  slangy  in  their  man- 
ners, but  rather  the  woman  who  represents  what 
a French  writer  calls  the  eternal  feminine.” 

The  girl  who  is  slangy  in  speech,  dress,  and  man- 
ner is  very  apt  to  grow  slangy  in  her  amusements. 
She  is  best  pleased  by  the  trashiest  of  literature,  and 
for  a book  to  be  advertised  as  not  quite  nice  is 
to  her  a special  recommendation  for  it.  In  music 
she  selects,  by  preference,  songs  that  have  neither 
wit,  melody,  nor  sentiment  to  recommend  them, 
and  which  only  please  by  their  lack  of  sense.  No 


ii6 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


man  cares  to  hear  a woman  whom  he  respects  sing 
comic  songs.  It  lowers  her  in  the  eyes  of  every 
one,  and  the  fact  that  she  sings  a comic  song  well 
does  not  add  anything  to  the  making  it  desirable 
for  her  to  do  it  at  all. 

The  slangy  girl  is  apt  to  be  the  jester  of  the 
company,  and  who  likes  to  see  a woman  wear  the 
cap  and  bells  ? Why  do  not  girls  understand 
this?  Why  canT  they  see  that  to  amuse  people 
by  making  a clown  of  one’s  self  is  vulgarizing  to 
the  last  degree  ? 

A POSITIVE  CERTAINTY 

It  is  absolutely  certain  that  the  girl  who  is 
slangy  in  her  manner  forgets  to  be  gracious  and 
doesn’t  hesitate  to  say  disagreeable  things.  She 
is,  day  by  day,  stilling  her  conscience  and  hard- 
ening her  heart,  and  she  fails  to  see  why  she 
should  refrain  from  hurting  other  people.  She 
entirely  loses  the  grace  of  consideration.  With  this 
gone,  it  is  sad  to  relate,  she  next  loses  her  belief 
and  her  regard  for  the  belief  of  others.  Probe 
way  down  into  what  heart  she  has  and  she  may, 
all  unknown  to  herself,  still  believe,  but  she  has 
an  idea,  a very  false  one,  that  it  is  an  evidence  of 
her  intellectual  strength  to  sneer  at  all  belief  and 
all  accepted  faiths.  She  doesn’t  know  enough  to 
realize  that  knaves  and  fools  can  say,  ^ ^ It  is  not 


The  Girl  Who  Uses  Slang  117 


so,  and  I do  not  believe  what  I cannot  see,’’  but 
that  it  is  the  wise  man  who  prays,  Lord,  I be- 
lieve, help  thou  mine  unbelief/'  She  can  talk 
very  rapidly  against  all  faiths,  using  the  arguments 
of  the  non-believers  of  to-day,  which  are  simply 
those  of  the  non-believers  of  thousands  of  years 
ago.  Poor  girl,  she  is  to  be  pitied,  for  it  has  not 
yet  dawned  on  her  of  how  little  account  she  is  to 
the  world,  and  how  she  is,  after  all,  hurting  nobody 
as  much  as  herself.  My  dear  girl,  you  who  begin 
to  use  slang  in  your  speech  must  stop  right  now, 
for  if  you  continue  it  is  certain  that  you  will  grow 
slangy  in  dress'  and  later  on  in  manners. 


CAN  YOU  AFFORD  IT 

Can  you  afford,  for  the  sake  of  amusing  a few 
foolish  people,  to  lose  your  own  womanliness  ? 

Can  you  afford,  for  the  sake  of  being  conspic- 
uous on  the  street,  or  at  some  place  of  amusement, 
to  express  in  your  dress  your  contempt  for  all 
women  ? 

Can  you  afford,  for  the  passing  admiration  of  an 
hour,  to  give  away  your  attraction  as  a well-bred 
girl,  while  you  pose  as  one  of  the  boys  " ? 

I do  not  think  you  can  afford  it.  The  day 
will  certainly  come  when  you  will  regret  it,  and 
then  it  will  be  too  late.  We  who  are  fond  of 
flowers  know  that  if  we  wish  them  to  give  forth 


ii8 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


sweet  perfume  and  beautiful  buds  we  must  see  that 
they  are  not  choked  up  by  weeds.  This  is  only 
done  by  continually  watching  for  the  weeds,  pull- 
ing up  each  one,  little  root  and  all,  and  burning 
it.  The  sweetest  blossom  of  humanity  is  a gentle 
girl — wonT  you  make  her  number  increase? 


YOUR  OWN  FAMILIAR  FRIEND 

HERE  is  nothing  so  beautiful  as  a faith- 
ful friendship  between  two  women. 
Nothing  is  quite  so  unselfish  and  noth- 
ing in  life  lasts  quite  so  long.  This 
friendship,  however,  must  have  the  trial-test  of 
years  ; it  does  not  grow  up  in  a day,  or  a night,  but 
it  is  cemented  and  made  perfect  by  the  gradual 
learning  of  each  to  understand  the  other,  by  the 
willingness  to  help  bear  each  other^s  burdens,  and 
by  that  greatest  of  all  virtues  in  friendship,  the 
never  asking  a question,  but  the  waiting  until  the 
confidence  is  given.  Young  girls  very  seldom 
form  such  friendships.  They  are,  as  I have  said, 
the  outgrowth  of  years  of  confidence,  and  you, 
who  are  sixteen,  seventeen,  or  eighteen,  have  not 
had  the  time  to  try,  or  be  tried,  to  prove  your 
worthiness  as  a friend.  You  look  at  me  with  a 
bit  of  indignation,  and  you  tell  me  of  the  dear- 
est girl  that  ever  lived,**  who  sympathizes  with 
you  in  everything,  to  whom  you  tell  all  your 


f 20 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


hopes  and  ambitions,  who  loves  you  dearly,  and 
whom  you  have  known  exactly  one  week.  You 
know  it  must  be  a real  friendship  because  you  were 
attracted  at  once,  and  because  immediately  you 
began  to  tell  one  another  things  that  you  wouldn’t 
have  had  the  other  girls  know — not  for  anything. 
And  you  think  this  friendship  is  going  to  last  for- 
ever. You  have  planned  it  all  out  in  your  own 
mind.  You  two,  after  you  leave  school,  are  going 
to  marry  two  brothers,  the  handsomest  and  best 
men  that  ever  were  born,  and  you  are  all  going  to 
live  in  one  house,  and  you  will  tell  each  other 
everything  and  life  will  run  along  as  smoothly  as 
possible  for  both  of  you.  That  is  what  you  say 
this  week. 


THE  WEEK  AFTER 

Next  week  I ask  after  your  bosom  friend  and 
you  don’t  seem  inclined  to  talk  about  her.  When 
I insist  upon  hearing  about  this  feminine  Damon 
I hear  that  she  has  rather  neglected  you ; that  a 
new  girl  has  come  whom  she  finds  more  sympa- 
thetic, and  you  find  to  your  horror  that  she  has 
told  her  the  secrets  which  you  whispered,  believ- 
ing that  they  were  as  sacred  as  if  they  had  been 
told  in  the  confessional.  But  you  brighten  up  a 
little  and  tell  me  that  after  all  you  suppose  one 
must  make  mistakes,  but  that  now  you  have  dis- 
covered a real  friend,  one  who  loves  you  simply 


Your  Own  Familiar  Friend 


121 


for  yourself.  She  has  such  a lovely  name,  too. 
You  think  you  never  heard  a more  musical  one — 
Florence.  And  then  you  show  me  the  little  notes 
she  has  written  to  you,  notes  that  are  as  senti- 
mental as  possible,  full  of  darling  ” and  sweet- 
est,’' and  making  protestations  of  love  such  as 
Romeo  might  have  made  to  Juliet.  And  then 
you  tell  me  how  on  your  desk  you  find  a rose  from 
her ; and  you  show  me  the  ring  you  are  wearing 
which  is  hers,  and  which  she  begs  you  to  kiss  every 
day.  As  a profound  secret  you  hear  from  another 
girl  that  she  has  sent  to  the  city  and  is  having  a 
locket  made  in  the  shape  of  a heart  with  her  pict- 
ure inside  it,  and  that  this  will  reach  you  on 
Easter  Day.  And  then  you  look  at  me  and  say, 
‘ ^ Isn’ t this  beautiful  ? Isn’ t this  real  friendship  ? ’ ’ 

WHAT  I THINK 

I don’t  like  to  hurt  your  feelings  by  laughing  at 
you,  and  I know,  my  dear,  that  you  are  quite  in 
earnest,  but  this  is  all  very  silly.  A veritable 
friendship  between  women  doesn’t  express  itself 
in  that  manner,  and  you  are  not  old  enough  yet 
to  have  friends.  The  pleasant  acquaintance 
among  the  girls  will  last  a thousand  times  longer 
than  that  with  the  gushing  admirer.  Florence  is 
as  jealous  as  if  she  were  your  sweetheart,  and  you 
pride  yourself  on  this.  She  writes  you  most  de- 


122 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


spairing  notes  because  some  afternoon  you  take  a 
walk  with  some  other  girl,  or  because  you  broke 
an  engagement  with  her  to  go  out  with  your 
mother.  You  think  it  is  very  desirable  to  be 
known  among  your  girl  friends  as  Florence's 
crush,’’  but  if  you  will  take  a little  trouble  and 
inquire,  you  will  find  that  you  are  only  one 
among  a number  for  whom  Florence  has  expressed 
this  great  admiration  at  various  times,  and  to 
whom  she  has  shown  this  marvellous  devotion. 
This  may  last  three  months  or  even  a year,  but 
great  emotions  have  sudden  endings,  and  some 
day  you  will  be  surprised  to  get  a letter  from 
Florence  inclosing  the  photograph  which  you 
gave  her,  and  begging  you  to  return  the  little 
locket.  That  poor  little  locket ! If  you  have  the 
sense  I credit  you  with  you  will  wonder  who  the 
girl  is  who  is  going  to  get  it  next,  for  you  may 
be  very  certain  that  it  will  answer  for  several 
people. 

THE  DANGER  OF  IT 

The  great  dangers  of  such  intimacies  as  I have 
described  are  that  they  wean  a girl  from  her  best 
friend,  her  mother,  and  that  they  induce  her  to 
be  over-confidential  and  to  tell  the  affairs  of  her 
home  to  one  who  is  not  of  her  own  household. 
Then,  too,  by  mincing  up  one’s  love  as  if  it  were 
a piece  of  citron,  and  giving  a little  of  it  here 


Your  Own  Familiar  Friend 


123 


and  a little  of  it  there,  there  is  left  a portion  not 
altogether  desirable  which  is  to  be  given  to  Prince 
Charming  when  he  comes  to  claim  his  bride.  I 
like  a girl  to  have  many  girl-friends ; I do  not 
like  her  to  have  a girl-sweetheart.  There  are  but 
two  people  in  the  world  to  whom  a girl  should 
give  her  confidence — the  first  is  her  mother,  the 
second  is  her  husband.  To  the  first  belongs  her 
life  while  she  is  unmarried ; after  that  she  must 
find  in  her  husband  the  one  person  to  whom  she 
can  tell  everything.  And  she  is  a very  foolish 
woman  if  she  ever  whispers  to  either  mother  or 
woman-friend  the  confidential  life  of  her  husband 
and  herself. 

Many,  very  many  girls  may  say,  Oh,  it  is 
very  easy  to  say  tell  your  mother  everything,  but 
suppose  she  doesn't  care  to  hear  it?"  Now,  I 
just  want  to  ask  you  one  question : Have  you 
ever  tried  to  make  her  your  confidante  ? Have 
you  ever  tried  to  tell  her  how  your  life  goes  along, 
the  acquaintances  you  make  at  school,  what  in- 
terests you,  or  even  the  little  compliments  that 
are  paid  you  by  young  men,  and  about  which 
you  are,  properly  enough,  a little  shy?  Don't  be 
satisfied  with  one  trial  and  feel  repulsed  because 
she  happens  to  be  too  busy,  or  too  much  troubled 
about  something  else  to  pay  strict  attention  to 
you,  but  instead,  take  another  time,  and  when 
you  try  this  and  keep  on  trying  you  will  gradually 


124 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


discover  that  she  will  grow  interested,  that  you 
will  have  no  more  ardent  partisan  in  your  troub- 
les and  your  happiness  than  she  is,  and  no  one 
who  will  give  you  better  advice.  If  you  are  un- 
fortunate enough  not  to  be  able  to  gain  this  con- 
sideration from  your  mother,  then,  my  dear  girl, 
keep  your  private  affairs  to  yourself.  Discuss 
everything  else  you  want,  from  gowns  to  books, 
from  pictures  to  sweetmeats,  but  do  not  tell  to  the 
rapturous  girl-friend  the  story  of  your  innermost 
life,  or  wear  your  heart  upon  your  sleeve  for  every 
daw  to  peck  at. 


THE  MANY  DISAPPOINTMENTS 

They  will  come  surely,  and  you  will  be  hurt 
again  and  again.  While  you  believed  in  Louise, 
or  Florence,  or  Geraldine,  you  may  have  whispered 
how  difficult  it  was  for  the  home-people  to  save  the 
money  to  have  you  take  the  music  - lessons  you 
so  much  desired.  And  then  when  Geraldine,  or 
Louise,  or  Florence  has  turned  the  page  that  bears 
your  name,  you  will  be  horrified  to  hear  that  this 
has  been  told  all  over  the  school.  Very  young 
girls  seldom  remember  that  there  are  obligations 
even  after  a friendship  has  ceased  to  exist,  and 
that  the  greatest  one  of  these  is  to  force  one’s  self 
to  forget  that  which  was  told  in  confidence  when 
life  meant  nothing  unless  you  two  were  together. 


four  Own  Familiar  Friend 


I2S 


Too  many  girls  are  inclined  to  think  themselves 
martyrs  some  time  in  their  lives.  The  fancy  for 
believing  that  they  are  ill-treated  and  misunder- 
stood at  home  is  a common  expression  of  this  mar- 
tyrdom, and  to  the  girl-friend  this  story  of  suffer- 
ing is  told  with  the  keenest  sort  of  pleasure.  Now 
the  suffering  may  consist  in  the  fact  that  the  martyr 
(?),  after  lounging  all  day  reading  a volume  of  po- 
etry, was  asked  to  take  care  of  the  baby  for  awhile, 
as  nurse  was  busy  in  the  kitchen,  and  mother  must 
go  down  and  see  a visitor.  And  the  martyr  holds 
the  baby  carelessly,  and  the  poor  little  tot  cries 
because  it  is  uncomfortable,  while  the  happy  vic- 
tim of  sixteen,  who  really  enjoys  her  trouble,  thinks 
what  a sorry  lot  is  hers  that  she  should  be  taken 
from  her  beautiful  poems  and  forced  to  be  a slave. 

For  so  she  puts  it.  She  never  seems  to  realize 
that  there  is  a thousand  times  as  much  poetry  in 
helping  her  mother  as  there  ever  was  in  any  volume 
published.  Next  day  her  confidante  hears  in 
most  inflated  terms  the  story  of  her  suffering, 
and  the  confidante  tells  somebody  else,  and  she 
tells  somebody  else,  and  some  day — this  is  not 
only  possible  but  I have  known  an  actual  case 
— the  loving  mother  of  a foolish  girl  is  horri- 
fied to  hear  that  she  is  credited  with  not  treating 
her  child  well. 

And  all  of  this  came  through  the  overwrought 
imagination  of  a young  girl  who  didn’t  know 


126 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


how  to  hold  her  tongue.  You  have  said  foolish 
things,  and  folly  too  often  is  really  criminal.  You 
have  talked  without  thinking,  and  thoughtlessness 
has  brought  about  a sad  state  of  affairs.  When 
will  you  learn  to  control  your  silly  talk  ? When 
will  you  learn  to  be  a womanly  girl  ? 


WHAT  TO  DO 

Until  you  are  quite  old  enough  to  comprehend 
that  friendship  is  more  than  a name,  and  that  the 
real  friend  is  one  that  is  tried  and  not  found  want- 
ing, you  will  probably  speak  of  all  the  girls  you 
like  as  your  friends,  meaning,  of  course,  your  ac- 
quaintances. Now,  I want  you  to  like  each  other, 
to  be  good  comrades,  but  I think  it  will  be  wiser 
if  you  make  this  good-fellowship,  in  number  at 
least,  one  of  three  or  five,  rather  than  two  or  four, 
for  then  you  will  not  be  so  likely  to  discuss  your 
private  affairs,  or  to  reach  a state  of  sickly  senti- 
mentality that  is  as  undesirable  physically  as  it 
is  mentally.  Where  there  are  three  girls  or  five 
girls  there  is  certain  to  be  one  who,  healthy  in 
mind  and  body,  will  laugh  down  any  inclination  to 
martyrdom,  or  any  other  nonsense  that  may  ex- 
hibit itself.  Possibly  you  think  I am  a little  hard- 
hearted. Indeed,  my  dear  girl,  I am  not.  No- 
body grieves  more  sincerely  than  I do  when  a 
young  girl  loses  her  belief  in  her  companions,  but 


Your  Own  Familiar  Friend 


127 


what  I would  like  to  do  would  be  to  suggest  to 
her  how  to  thoroughly  enjoy  these  companions, 
^d  how  to  be  so  careful  in  her  conduct  with  them 
that  there  will  be  no  possibility  of  her  being  dis- 
illusioned. 

When  two  girls  are  very  intimate,  and  count 
out  of  this  intimacy  not  only  their  own  sisters  but 
all  their  other  friends,  they  are  apt,  unconsciously, 
to  cultivate  the  faults  of  selfishness,  of  meanness, 
and  to  cause  an  undesirable  morbidness  to  spring 
up.  You  think,  perhaps,  I shouldn’t  have  used 
the  word  meanness,  and  yet  I’ll  tell  you  why  I 
say  it.  You  two  have  a long  talk  together  about 
everything  and  everybody,  and  consequently  you 
do  not  hesitate  to  criticise  severely  every  little 
fault,  every  little  weakness  of  your  neighbors,  al- 
though you  never  stop  to  remember  what  was  said 
about  the  mote  and  the  beam.  If  it  were  not  for 
this  very  great  intimacy  you  would  not  dream  of 
speaking  ill  of  others ; if  nothing  else  restrained 
you  the  fear  that  what  you  say  might  be  repeated 
would  have  much  to  do  with  making  you  careful, 
but  this  great  friendship,  so-called,  permits  you  to 
give  license  to  your  tongue,  and  you  do  not  hesi- 
tate fo  utter  before  your  bosom  friend  words  and 
opinions  which  you  would  be  ashamed  to  have 
other  people  know  even  entered  your  mind.  Too 
great  intimacy  begets  too  great  familiarity. 
Books  and  stories  are  often  giggled  over  between 


128 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


two  girls,  and  affairs  are  discussed  that  if  a third 
girl  were  present  they  would  never  dream  of  re- 
ferring to, 

THE  RIGHT  KIND 

I have  been  talking  to  you  about  the  foolish 
and  the  wrong  kind  of  a friend,  but  you  must  not 
suppose  for  a minute  that  there  is  not  a sensible 
and  a right  friend.  She  can  be  as  jolly  and  as 
full  of  fun  as  possible ; you  and  she  can  read  to- 
gether, walk  together,  play  on  the  same  side  in 
the  out-door  games  and  find  much  joy  in  each 
other’s  society.  But  this  companion  won’t  show 
a ridiculous  jealousy  because  you  happen  to  walk 
to-day  with  some  other  girl  and  to-morrow  take 
tea  with  another  one.  No,  on  the  contrary,  she 
will  be  delighted  to  hear  what  a good  time  you 
have  been  having,  and  if  she  has  been  the  one 
to  have  the  good  time  she  will  tell  you  about  it, 
and  how  she  wished,  earnestly  and  honestly,  that 
you  were  along.  She  will  never  tell  you  of  the 
affairs  of  her  home,  and  be  very  certain  that  she 
will  not  write  love-letters  to  you,  or  make  you 
think  yourself  a much-abused  young  woman  be- 
cause you  have  some  duties  in  life  to  perform. 
She  will  be  a pleasant  acquaintance,  careful  never 
to  grow  sufficiently  familiar  to  give  or  accept  any 
rudeness,  and  quite  as  careful  not  to  listen  or  talk 
about  anything  that  does  not  concern  her.  You 


Your  Own  Familiar  Friend 


129 


will  find  that  you  can  rely  upon  her,  that  she  will 
not  run  to  you  with  every  unpleasant  thing  she 
hears,  and  that  if  the  day  of  sadness  comes  and 
she  is  near  you,  she  will  try  and  console  you.  As 
the  years  go  by  you  will  be  surprised  to  discover 
that  the  girl  you  thoroughly  liked  has  become  the 
friend  with  whom  you  are  on  the  most  affection- 
ate terms,  while  she  who  adored  you  for  a day  or 
a year  has  either  entirely  forgotten  you,  or  else 
when  you  meet  her  again  you  are  amazed  that  you 
could  have  cared  for  a woman  who  seems  so  foolish. 

A good  friend  is  a blessing  straight  from  Heav- 
en, but  it  is  a blessing  like  a beautiful  flower  : it 
does  not  bloom  all  at  once,  but  requires  continual 
care.  It  will  not  stand  rough  handling  or  neg- 
lect. You  must  be  gentle  and  considerate  ; you 
must  allow  to  it  the  same  individual  life  that  you 
have  yourself,  and  while  you  may  differ  it  must 
be  without  the  utterance  of  unkind  words.  You 
must  never  permit  anyone  to  speak  ill  of  your 
friend  to  you,  and  if  something  should  seem  to 
come  between  you,  a coldness  for  which  you  can 
find  no  cause,  then  the  good  friend  will  seek  out 
the  other,  discover  the  reason,  and  clearly  explain 
away  whatever  has  seemed  wrong.  Just  be  a little 
careful,  and  in  electing  who  shall  be  close  to  you 
choose  that  girl  whom  in  the  years  to  come  you 
can  still  call  by  that  sweet  old  name,  your  own 
familiar  friend.^' 

9 


THE  ELDER  SISTER  IN  THE  HOME 

WONDER  how  many  of  my  girls  have 
the  great  privilege  of  being  the  sister 
in  the  family  ? And  when  I say  sister 
I mean  the  oldest  daughter.  Some- 
times she  is  the  baby  whom  God  first  gave  to  the 
happy  household  ; sometimes  she  has  two  or  three 
brothers  to  greet  her  when  she  comes  into  the 
world,  but  as  long  as  she  is  the  first  girl,  she  is 
always  sister,  and  to  her  come  special  rights  and 
privileges.  I want  to  talk  to  her  just  a little  bit 
and  tell  her  what  these  rights  are,  what  the  priv- 
ileges are,  and  what  the  pleasures  are.  She  is  very 
near  to  me  because  she  and  I stand  side  by  side, 
and  I know,  perhaps  better  than  she  does,  the 
mistakes  that  may  be  made  and  the  privileges  that 
are  within  her  reach.  She  is,  before  everything 
else,  the  closest  one  to  the  dear  mother.  A boy 
may  come  near  to  the  maternal  heart,  but  he 
never  gets  her  confidence,  and  she  never  quite 
relies  on  him  as  she  does  on  her  oldest  girl.  The 


The  Elder  Sister  in  the  Home 


131 


mother  and  the  daughter  are  close  friends.  And 
between  these  two,  little  affairs  can  be  talked  over, 
little  troubles  discussed  and  made  easier  to  bear, 
little  pleasures  thought  out  and  made  possible, 
and  all  life  itself  made  fuller  of  joy  than  it  would 
be  if  sister  did  not  exist. 

I wonder  if  you  know  your  influence  ? And  I 
wonder  if  you  use  it?  I wonder  if  you  realize 
that  you  can  be  the  cheerful,  loving,  willing, 
helping  hand  ? My  dear  girl,  if  you  do  you  can 
be  a comfort  to  so  many  people.  You  can  give 
the  loving  word  of  advice,  you  can  help  the  one 
who  is  in  doubt,  and  by  the  beautiful  power  of 
kindred  and  love,  you  can  have  an  influence  that 
is  greater  than  any  other  over  your  brothers  and 
sisters.  What  do  I mean  ? Well,  in  this,  the 
little  talk  between  you  and  me,  I am  going  to  tell 
you — tell  you  just  what  your  position  is,  and  what 
you  can  make  of  it  to  each  member  of  the  house- 
hold. 


TO  YOUR  MOTHER 

As  your  mother  is  queen  of  the  household  you 
can  be  her  prime  minister.  She  can  decide  what 
is  right  to  be  done  and  you  will  help  her  in  carry- 
ing it  out.  She  represents  the  brain  and  heart, 
you  represent  the  hand  and  heart.  There  come 
times  in  all  households  when  the  machinery  that 
has  run  so  smoothly  seems  either  to  stop  en- 


132 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


tirely,  or  to  be  so  clogged  that  the  wheels  move 
slowly  and  in  a way  that  is  irritating  to  everyone. 

In  many  homes  the  cause  for  this  differs.  But 
a very  common  one  is  the  introduction  of  a poor 
or  an  old  relation  : one  who  is  queer,  possibly  tire- 
some, and  yet  who  has  the  claim  that  blood  and 
poverty  always  have  on  kindred  and  kindness. 
The  boys  fret  the  old  lady,  father  sees  so  little  of 
her  that  she  doesn’t  trouble  him,  and  yet  she  wor- 
ries mother.  It  may  be  that  she  is  your  grand- 
mother, and  because  she  is  an  old  lady  she  doesn’t 
realize  the  material  or  mental  changes  that  have 
taken  place,  and  she  exacts  from  the  daughter  of 
forty-five  what  she  had  from  the  daughter  of  fif- 
teen— that  is,  continual  consideration  and  obedi- 
ence. 

Mother,  whose  views  of  life  have  broadened, 
and  who  is  a very  busy  woman,  is  irritated  by 
these  demands.  Here  comes  one  of  your  oppor- 
tunities. You  have  left  school ; you  have  a good 
bit  of  time  on  your  hands;  devote  as  much  of 
that  as  you  can  to  grandmamma  ; make  the  hours 
that  you  spend  with  her  pleasant  to  her,  and 
when  you  grow  weary  in  well-doing  stand  in  front 
of  the  looking-glass  by  grandmamma’s  side  and 
remember  that  some  day  you  will  be  as  old  as  she 
is  and  will  want  patience  and  consideration  shown 
to  you.  Find  out  what  she  likes  to  have  done 
for  her,  and  do  it ; see  if  she  fancies  walking  with 


The  Elder  Sister  in  the  Home 


133 


you,  and  go  with  her  gladly.  And  if,  once  in 
awhile,  or  indeed  very  often,  she  should  drift  into 
a kindly  gossip  about  people  who  are  dead  and 
buried,  and  whom  you  never  knew,  listen  to  her 
with  interest,  and  think  to  yourself  that  when  you 
grow  old  and  a trifle  garrulous,  you  will  probably 
yearn  for  a sympathetic  listener.  Never  let  her 
feel  for  one  minute  that  she  is  a burden.  Tell 
her  of  your  friends  and  of  the  pleasures  in  your 
daily  life.  Get  her  interested  in  you,  and  to 
your  surprise  grandmamma  will  suddenly  grow 
much  younger.  Loving-kindness  has  worked  this 
miracle. 

That  is  one  of  the  things  you  can  do  to  help 
mother.  You  can  amuse  and  entertain  grand- 
mamma, and  then  when  mother’s  leisure  hours 
come  she  will  find  her  happy  and  pleased,  and 
the  life  between  them  will  seem  like  a renewal  of 
the  old  days  when  they  were  both  many  years 
younger.  And  thy  days  shall  be  long  in  the 
land  which  the  Lord  thy  God  giveth  thee.” 

TO  YOUR  FATHER 

I never  saw  a man  who  wasn’t  proud  of  sister. 
He  may  love  his  boys,  but  this  oldest  girl  gets 
very  close  to  his  heart,  and  she  can  do  much  to 
make  life  pleasanter  to  him.  To  my  sorrow  I 
have  seen  her  sit  and  sulk  when  he  was  present,  I 


134 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


have  seen  her  complaining  because  she  didn’t 
have  what  all  the  other  girls  had,  and  I have 
known  her  to  think  that  her  father  represented  a 
money-making  machine,  bound  to  take  care  of 
her  and  give  her  a good  time.  And  she  might  be 
so  much  more.  When  father  comes  home  in  the 
evening  it  ought  to  be  her  place  to  greet  him  with 
a smile  and  as  much  merriment  as  she  can.  It  is 
her  honor  to  be  his  daughter,  and  that  means  to 
give  him  all  the  pleasure  possible  and  to  keep 
from  him  the  little  frets  and  worries.  Sometimes 
if  a question  of  great  importance  comes  to  her 
she  goes  to  him  to  ask  how  it  shall  be  solved,  and 
if  she  has  been  a good  daughter  she  will  certain- 
ly get  from  him  considerate  advice  and  loving 
thoughtfulness.  Some  day  when  the  blushes 
cover  her  face  she  will  go  to  her  father  to  tell 
him  that  she  loves  the  man  who  has  asked  her  to 
be  his  wife,  and  then  he  will  look  at  the  man  who 
wishes  to  be  her  lifelong  companion,  not  only 
through  the  rose-colored  glasses  which  she  wears, 
but  through  those  clear  ones  of  good  sense,  and 
he  will  consider  and  weigh  in  the  balance  the 
man  who  wishes  to  take  from  him  his  dearest  one. 
For,  sister,  that  is  what  you  can  be  to  him — his 
heart’s  delight. 

I know  a man  who  says  that  his  oldest  daughter 
would  make  pleasant  the  poorest  home  that  can 
be  imagined.  He  says  no  matter  how  much 


The  Elder  Sister  in  the  Home 


135 


everybody  else  is  down  in  the  depths,  she  always 
has  a merry  greeting,  a funny  story,  an  interest- 
ing topic,  or  a pleasant  question  for  discussion 
that  interests  everybody  else  and  puts  down  the 
inclinations  of  the  other  members  of  the  family  to 
tell  of  their  woes  and  worries,  as  a sauce  for  their 
dinners,  rather  than  of  their  pleasures  and  inter- 
ests. 1 call  that  being  a great  deal  to  one’s  fa- 
ther. He  who  is  out  in  the  busy  world  earning 
the  bread  and  butter  doesn’t  want  to  be  met  with 
complaints  and  cross  looks;  he  wants  to  be 
greeted  with  a kiss,  to  be  entertained  by  the 
mind  which  he  has  really  formed  by  earning  the 
money  to  pay  the  teachers  to  broaden  and  round 
it,  and  to  be  able  to  look  at  the  bright,  cheery 
girl,  neat  in  her  dress,  sweet  in  her  manner,  and 
ever  ready  to  make  glad  those  who  are  sad. 

TO  YOUR  BROTHER 

Brother  is  close  to  you  in  years.  A little  older 
or  a little  younger,  but  near  enough  to  you  to  be 
your  companion  and  friend  if  you  wish  to  make  him 
so.  What  are  you  going  to  do  ? Are  you  going 
to  let  him  drift  away  from  you  and  find  his  pleas- 
ures away  from  home  ? Or  are  you  going  to 
keep  him  close  to  you  and  make  him  a sharer 
in  everything  that  comes  to  you  ? I think,  dear 
sister,  you  are  going  to  do  the  last.  There  is  a 


156 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


cigar-shop  down  street  where  the  boys  of  the  neigh- 
borhood drift  in  and  smoke  and  talk.  Possibly 
they  do  nothing  more  harmful,  but  your  brother 
might  just  as  well  have  all  this  pleasure  at  home. 
And  this  is  the  way  you  can  make  him  happy ; 
Make  him  feel  that  his  friends  are  yours,  and  if 
he  will  not  bring  them  to  the  house  because  of 
some  queer  idea,  and  all  young  boys  have  them, 
then  get  your  mother’s  permission  to  write  a note 
to  each  and  every  one  asking  him  to  come  on  a 
certain  evening,  and  then  have  some  of  your 
friends  to  meet  them.  Put  yourself  to  a little 
trouble  the  first  time ; have  a nice  little  supper, 
plenty  of  music,  pleasant  games,  and  the  simple, 
innocent  dancing  that  is  permissible  in  a home. 
Find  out  who  is  the  shyest,  or  better  still,  the 
roughest  of  these  friends,  and  pay  to  him  the  most 
attention,  for  you  want  him  to  come  again.  And 
you  must  convince  him  that  he  will  have  a better 
time  if  he  comes  to  Jack’s  home  and  meets  Jack’s 
sister  than  if  he  induced  Jack  to  spend  an  even- 
ing with  him  in  the  cigar  store.  After  a while 
you  will  find  that  your  brother  will  rely  on  you ; 
you  will  find  that  his  friends  come  to  you  with 
their  little  confidences,  and  gradually  Jack’s 
house  will  be  cited  as  the  one  where  a fellow  can 
go  without  being  treated  as  if  he  always  did 
wrong. 

I once  knew  of  a household  like  this,  a household 


ne  Elder  Sister  in  the  Home 


137 


long  ago  broken  up,  but  where  innumerable  stray 
boys,  boys  without  sisters,  or  who  lived  in  boarding- 
houses, came  to  enjoy  themselves,  and  where  they 
knew  they  could  always  drop  in  for  Sunday  evening 
tea,  and  not  only  have  good  things  to  eat  but  a 
pleasant  time  altogether.  Two  or  three  of  them 
who  sang  well  would  lift  their  voices  in  praise  to 
Almighty  God  and  all  the  rest  of  them  would  come 
in  on  the  chorus. 

HOW  TO  REFINE  HIM 

That  is  your  work.  The  young  boy  who  is 
careless  about  his  appearance,  unrefined  in  his  man- 
ners, and  lacking  all  thought  is  the  one  over  whom 
a sister  has  had  no  influence.  So  when  he  comes  to 
you,  even  though  you  are  forced  to  regard  him  as 
somebody  else’s  brother,  do  what  you  can  in  a quiet 
way  to  make  him  conscious  of  right  and  wrong. 
You  will  have  an  opportunity  some  day  to  tell  him 
how  difficult  it  was  to  teach  your  own  brother  that 
hands  well  cared  for,  that  clothes  well  brushed,  and 
clean  linen  were  necessary  if  he  wished  to  associate 
with  his  sister.  That  boy  will  look  in  an  embar- 
rassed way  at  his  own  hands ; he  may  become  con- 
scious of  a mussed  and  decidedly  soiled  collar,  and 
he  may  remember  that  his  clothes  are  not  very  well 
brushed  and  that  the  hat  he  wore  was  thick  with 
dust.  As  soon  as  he  recognizes  these  facts  he  will 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


138 


reform,  and  you  will  be  surprised  to  see  how  quickly 
he  will  remedy  his  mistakes,  and  how  certainly  he 
will  realize  that  in  his  own  person  he  must  express 
refinement  if  he  desires  to  be  a friend  of  Jack’s 
sister. 

Then  when  the  impolite  word  is  spoken — or  per- 
haps it  may  go  beyond  that  and  be  a rude  or  vulgar 
word — a little  look  and  a little  reminder  that  he 
has  forgotten  himself  will  cause  him  to  think,  and 
the  possibilities  of  the  man  who  once  begins  to 
think  are  wonderful.  The  fact  that  Jack’s  friends 
admire  you,  that  Jack’s  friends  find  you  charming, 
will  make  Jack  very  proud  of  you,  and  he  will  sug- 
gest to  the  boys  who  come  to  the  house  that  they 
have  got  to  do  this,  or  they  have  got  to  stop  that 
if  they  want  to  meet  his  sister.  My  dear  girl,  you 
have  no  idea  what  your  influence  is  over  your 
brother. 

The  day  will  come  when  brother  will  ask  you 
with  many  blushes  if  you  know  that  pretty  girl  who 
lives  in  the  next  block.  It  doesn’t  take  you  but  a 
minute  to  understand  that  your  brother  is  in  love. 
Possibly  you  may  feel  a touch  of  jealousy,  but  if 
you  do,  don’t  betray  it,  for  you  must  remember 
there  will  come  a love  to  each  of  you  that  is  stronger 
than  any  other,  and  you  have  no  right  to  find  fault 
with  him  if  he  has  found  this  love  before  you. 


The  Elder  Sister  in  the  Home  139 


TO  YOUR  SISTERS 

Having  made  little  mistakes,  having  been  the 
pupil  of  that  great  teacher,  experience,  it  is  only 
right  for  you  to  give  the  hand  of  guidance  to  your 
younger  sisters.  This  you  can  do  in  such  a way 
that  you  do  not  seem  to  put  yourself  up  on  a ped- 
estal and  preach  to  them,  but  you  do  appear  to  be 
what  you  really  are — interested  in  their  not  mak- 
ing the  same  mistakes  that  you  have,  and  so  forc- 
ing all  life  to  become  smoother  to  them  through 
your  goodness.  The  inclination  of  an  older  girl 
is  to  patronize  a younger  one.  Don’t  do  this. 
Make  your  sister  or  sisters  your  companions  and 
friends  ; try  to  induce  each  one  of  them  to  make 
the  home-life  more  interesting  and  to  co-operate 
with  you  in  lifting  the  burdens  from  the  shoulders 
of  the  busy  mother.  Tell  your  sisters  of  your  pleas- 
ures ; let  them  feel  that  together  you  can  discuss 
their  daily  lives,  and  enter  closely  into  whatever 
seems  of  importance  to  them.  Help  a bit  with  the 
lessons ; give  a word  of  encouragement  to  that  one 
who  tires  of  the  many  hours  of  practice  on  the  piano; 
tell  her  of  the  great  pleasure  that  music  gives  to 
others,  how  its  sweet  strains  will  deaden  the  voice 
of  scandal  and  kill  the  unkind  word.  Teach  your 
younger  sisters  the  womanly  care  they  should  give 
to  their  clothes ; teach  this  by  gentle  words.  Make 


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Side  Talks  with  Girls 


them  understand  the  refinements  of  the  table,  but 
do  this  in  that  best  of  all  ways — set  them  a good 
example.  Make  them  comprehend  that  even  a 
little  lady  has  lost  her  claim  to  the  title  if  her  apron 
is  soiled,  if  her  hair  is  mussed,  and  if  her  manners 
are  bad.  Make  your  sisters  seem  of  importance. 
Ask  them  to  help  you  with  some  of  your  tasks,  and 
you  will  be  surprised  to  see  how  willingly  this  is 
done  when  the  duty  is  recognized  not  as  a duty, 
but  as  a something  to  be  done  with  pleasure  because 
it  is  helping  mother  or  sister. 


IN  YOUR  PLACE 

When  God  put  you  in  the  place  that  you  now 
occupy,  when  He  made  you  sister  of  a household, 
He  meant  that  you  should  be  a pleasure  and  an 
example  to  those  around  you.  Don't  believe  He 
meant  you  to  be  a prig.  He  meant  you  to  be  merry 
and  wise,  happy  and  considerate,  counting  it  no 
trouble  to  do  a service  for  those  you  love,  or  indeed, 
if  it  came  in  your  way,  even  for  those  who  were 
strangers  to  you.  He  meant  that  you  should  love 
and  respect  old  age  or  weakness.  He  meant  that 
you  should  be  a joy  forever  to  your  father  and 
mother.  He  meant  that  you  should  be  mother's 
little  comforter,  sharing  her  happiness  with  her  and 
helping  her,  as  far  as  possible,  iti  her  troubles  and 
worries.  Be  willing,  more  than  willing,  to  do  what 


The  Elder  Sister  in  the  Home 


141 


is  right,  and  so  by  love,  generosity,  and  considera- 
tion to  fill  your  place  perfectly,  and  when  Prince 
Charming  comes  he  will  be  made  the  happiest 
man  in  the  world,  because  all  of  the  family  will 
say,  What  will  we  do  without  sister? 


THE  RESTLESSNESS  OF  THE  AGE 

LL  restlessness  and  seeking  after  what 
does  not  belong  to  one  is  a hindrance 
to  any  woman,  be  she  old  or  young, 
and  one  which,  in  many  instances, 
God  did  not  intend  should  come  into  her  life. 
Repose  and  perfect  quietness  seem  to  be  unknown 
factors  nowadays,  and  the  simple  doing  what  one 
has  to  do,  quietly  and  properly,  also  ignored.  The 
girls  of  to-day,  no  matter  what  their  age  may  be, 
rush  for  everything.  There  is  excitement  in  mind 
and  body  over  the  least  little  thing,  and  women 
are  wearing  themselves  out  doing  absolutely  noth- 
ing. You  cannot  convince  a girl  that,  with  proper 
deliberation,  she  might  accomplish  just  what  she 
wishes,  and  be  strong  in  body  and  restful  in  mind 
as  well.  No,  she  has  got  so  entirely  used  to  rush- 
ing at  everything  that  she  wears  herself  out  rac- 
ing up  and  down  stairs,  and  when  simple,  normal 
work  is  finished  she  is,  as  she  puts  it,  so  dead  tired 
that  I can’t  even  rest.” 


The  Restlessness  of  the  Age 


143 


TAKING  THINGS  EASY 

One  can  do  three  times  as  much  by  being  quiet 
and  taking  things  easy  as  by  rushing.  Girls  in 
every  station  of  life  are  hurting  themselves  by  at- 
tempting to  do  too  much.  The  girl  who  has  to 
work  is  over-ambitious,  and  the  society  girl  thinks 
she  must  let  as  much  as  possible  come  into  her  life. 
And  so,  between  clubs  and  classes,  with  every 
form  of  gayety  imaginable,  she  is  working  so 
hard  that  when  she  is  thirty  and  should  be  reach- 
ing her  prime,  which  physicians  say  is  thirty-five, 
she  is  old  and  broken  down.  The  feverish  desire 
to  have  and  to  achieve  is  killing  the  girls  of  to-day. 
They  are  never  satisfied ; everything  in  their  lives 
is  rush  and  hurry.  They  want  to  dress  like  one 
friend,  to  be  as  learned  as  another,  and  as  great  a 
society  leader  as  another. 

THE  WOMAN  OF  TO-DAY 

The  woman  of  to-day,  as  we  hear  of  her,  be- 
longs to  a class  for  each  day  in  the  week,  and  has 
every  afternoon  and  evening  filled  up  with  gay 
functions.  She  is  eager  to  know  all  about  politics, 
to  understand  the  great  poets  and  writers  of  the 
day,  especially  those  that  are  counted  most  difficult 
to  comprehend ; she  wants  to  belong  to  societies 


144 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


that  will  make  the  world  better  and  that  will  per- 
mit her  to  talk  about  them  in  public,  and  yet  she 
desires  as  w'ell  to  keep  the  position  in  life  to  which 
she  was  born.  Speak  to  her  suddenly  and  see  her 
start.  That  means  overtaxed  nerves.  Get  her  to 
talk  to  you  about  one  of  her  plans  and  see  how  she 
flushes,  notice  the  unnatural  brilliancy  of  her  eyes, 
and  watch  the  quivering  of  her  lips  and  her  hands. 
That  woman  is  on  the  verge  of  nervous  prostration. 
And  why  ? She  is  living  an  abnormal  life.  She 
is  neglecting  her  duties,  and  is  permitting  herself 
to  be  worn  out  to  interest  people  who  do  not  care 
in  the  least  for  her. 

To  me  she  is  dreadful — this  woman  of  to-day — 
and  I do  not  want  any  one  of  my  girls  to  be  like 
her.  She  does  no  real  work,  she  only  worries,  and 
worry  is  very  apt  to  kill.  Work  properly  done, 
systematically  arranged  for  and  carefully  and  easi- 
ly carried  out,  does  not  wear  women  out.  It  is 
only  when  it  is  rush,  rush,  rush,  fret,  fret,  fret,  that 
women  become  bundles  of  overstrung  nerves,  tied 
with  the  red  ribbon  of  continual  excitement.  But 
the  ribbon  comes  untied  and  the  nerves  are  free, 
and  what  is  the  result  ? A fretful  answer  to  a ques- 
tion asked  by  a member  of  the  household,  inatten- 
tion to  one’s  duties  because  the  head  and  the  eyes 
ache  so  they  are  almost  killing  me,”  and  then,  too 
often  there  follows  the  resort  to  a stimulant  of  some 
kind.  The  tears  come  to  the  eyes  very  easily,  the 


The  Restlessness  of  the  Age 


I4S 


feelings  are  supersensitive,  and  all  because  hurry 
and  fret  have  made  of  a healthy  girl  a wretched 
bundle  of  nerves  and  nothing  else.  Patience  is 
asked  from  everybody.  The  tiny  girl  must  be 
quiet  so  that  mamma  may  get  over  her  head- 
ache.’’  The  healthy  boy  is  asked  to  walk  quietly 
because  your  sister  has  done  so  much  that  she  is 
trying  to  rest,”  and  the  whole  household  is  under 
nerve-rule.  What  can  be  done  ? One  can  advise 
quieter  methods,  plenty  of  fresh  air  and  a nourish- 
ing diet,  but  the  nervous  girl  is  apt  to  be  very  pos- 
itive, for  she  counts  herself  a deep  thinker,  and 
advice  is  the  last  thing  she  wishes  to  hear  or  to  fol- 
low. The  end  of  it  all  ? You  can  see  it.  There 
are  quite  enough  nervous  girls  and  nervous  middle- 
aged  women  now.  It  is,  alas,  only  too  easy  to 
picture  what  they  will  be  when  they  are  veritable 
old  ladies. 

THE  QUESTION  ASKED 

But,”  says  one  of  my  girls,  don’t  you  want 
us  to  be  intelligent  ? Don’t  you  want  us  to  know 
something,  and  don’t  you  want  us  to  enjoy  our- 
selves? ” Certainly  I do,  but  I want  you  to  dv  it 
as  a woman  should,  and  not  after  the  fashion  of  a 
locomotive  attached  to  a fast  train,  and  which  must 
keep  up  its  record.  Look  at  our  English  cousins  ; 
they  study  one  thing  and  know  it  well.  These 
women  who  attempt  so  much  are  usually  entirely 

lO 


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superficial  because  they  cannot  possibly  learn  one 
thing  well  when  they  are  attempting  so  much. 
Then,  too,  about  work.  There  is  a perfect  craze 
among  young  women  to  leave  their  homes  and  go 
out  to  work  in  the  outside  world.  When  this  is 
necessary  it  is  all  right,  but  in  many  cases  it  is  not 
necessary.  There  is  work  to  do  at  home,  and  the 
foolish  girl  does  not  see  the  value  of  her  home  work, 
but  with  every  nerve  at  a tangent,  with  her  heart 
throbbing  so  rapidly  she  can  almost  hear  it,  she 
rushes  out  into  the  big  world  for  work  that  should 
not  be  hers,  and  which  will  use  her  up  mentally 
and  physically  in  a very  short  time.  When  the 
good  God  was  arranging  the  human  pegs  into  their 
abiding-places,  He  did  not  put  the  round  ones  in 
the  square  holes,  but  when  a woman  rushes  away 
from  the  work  that  is  laid  out  for  her,  she  finds 
that  she  is  wrongly  situated,  and  she  wears  herself 
out  worrying  over  this.  Then  she  is  old  and  tired 
when  she  should  be  young  and  fresh. 

Sometimes,  even  in  her  home  life,  the  fever  of 
haste  comes  to  her,  and  I beg  of  her,  for  I know 
her  among  my  girls,  to  learn  to  do  things  quietly. 
Walk  up  and  down  stairs ; make  the  beds  and  dust 
the  rooms  quietly,  and  not  as  if  you  were  being 
pursued  by  the  demon  of  unrest,  enjoy  yourself 
easily,  don't  let  your  nerves  get  the  better  of  you 
when  you  are  playing  a game.  If  you  dance,  don’t 
do  it  furiously,  and,  above  all  things,  don’t  fall  into 


The  Restlessness  of  the  Age 


147 


the  sad  error  of  hastening  to  be  married.  Learn 
to  know  the  man  to  whom  you  are  giving  your 
love,  and  be  sure  that  each  of  you  will  be  better  in 
the  future  because  of  the  time  given  to  your  becom- 
ing acquainted  even  after  the  story  of  love  has  been 
told  to  you.  Physicians  say  the  best  prescription 
for  the  woman  of  to-day  is  more  rest  and  more 
quiet  enjoyment.  Try  this.  Allow  yourself  to 
take  every  day  that  which  is  a rest  to  you. 


HOW  TO  REST 

Some  girls  donT  know  how  to  do  this.  They 
think  rest  and  sleep  synonymous,  whereas  rest  may 
mean  simply  change  in  occupation.  It  may  mean 
the  sitting  quiet  for  a while.  It  may  mean  the  hav- 
ing a cup  of  tea,  or  a bit  of  bread  and  butter — the 
tea  being  that  which  does  not  hurt  the  nerves,  and 
the  bread  and  butter  being  that  which  is  health- 
ful and  which  tastes  good.  Often  you  donT  eat 
enough,  my  dear  girl,  and  you  hurry  too  much 
when  you  do  eat.  Learn  to  linger  over  your  meals, 
to  talk  to  your  father  or  mother  pleasantly,  and  so 
to  aid  digestion  by  slow  eating  and  bright  conver- 
sation. Sometimes  the  best  rest  that  comes  is  the 
sitting  in  an  easy-chair  and  closing  your  eyes  for 
ten  minutes.  Don’t  be  afraid  or  ashamed  of  this. 
It  is  necessary  if  you  wish  to  be  a well  and  strong 
woman.  You  rest  when  you  don’t  attempt  too 


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Side  Talks  with  Girls 


much,  for  then  you  do  better  work.  Rest  for  you 
may  mean  reading  a pretty  story,  while  for  me  it 
may  be  leaving  books  and  looking  out  at  the  green 
trees  for  a while.  Find  out  that  rest  which  is  best 
suited  to  you  and  permit  yourself  to  have  it. 

REST  IN  TALK 

That  is  a pleasant  rest.  To  sit  still  and  listen 
to  the  quiet  talk  of  somebody  else,  somebody  who 
will  not  require  an  answer  from  you — a charitable 
somebody  who  will  not  mind  if  gradually,  as  the 
talk  drifts  into  a monotone,  your  eyes  close  and 
a refreshing  sleep  of  ten  minutes  comes  to  you. 
Generally,  talk  is  work  with  a nervous  girl.  She 
is  so  eager  to  show  that  she  is  up  in  everything,  so 
anxious  to  be  considered  intelligent  and  cultured 
that  she  forgets  that  listening  is  part  of  conversation, 
and  she  degenerates  into  what  is  called  a great 
talker.  And  that  means  one  who  absorbs  the  con- 
versation. But  she  who  is  wise,  and  who  finds 
rest  in  talk,  will  listen  with  intelligence,  and  once 
in  a while  say  something  worth  hearing.  But  she 
will  not  determine  to  tell  all  she  knows  at  once,  or 
to  drive  all  other  talkers  out  of  the  field  of  conver- 
sation. Who  has  not  been  tired  out  by  the  restless 
talker — by  the  one  who  answers  the  question  you 
did  not  ask  her  while  she  gives  information  to  some- 
one else  who  has  forgotten  more  than  she  ever  knew? 


The  Restlessness  of  the  Age 


149 


WOMEN  ONLY  IN  NAME 

Isn't  it  to  be  dreaded?  The  being  at  thirty- 
five  a nervous,  fretful,  irritable  woman,  feared  by 
society  at  large  and  a continual  source  of  unhappi- 
ness in  your  own  home.  This  will  surely  come  if 
you  follow  the  footsteps  of  the  so-called  advanced 
woman  of  to-day.  A desire  to  know  the  truth  for 
myself  has  induced  me  to  look  at  the  women  who 
stand  forward  as  representing  the  intellectual  woman 
of  the  times — ^she  who  claims  to  be  up  in  every- 
thing, to  miss  nothing  and  to  be  ready  to  give  her 
opinion  at  club  or  society.  She  is  a sad  sight  to 
me,  because  the  nervous  quickness  with  which  she 
speaks  proves  that  she  is  controlled  by  haste,  and 
that  a beautiful,  restful,  loving  old  age  will  be  im- 
possible to  her.  ‘^But,’'  you  ask,  ‘‘sha’n’t  I be- 
^ long  to  a benevolent  association  ? ’ ’ Yes,  to  one,  if 
you  have  the  time  to  do  the  work  that  you  under- 
take. But  one  is  enough  for  every  woman,  and 
the  work  itself  will  be  better  done  if  each  woman 
would  limit  herself  to  one,  and  so  be  able  to  do 
her  portion  thoroughly.  Do  I object  to  women 
speaking  in  public?  I do,  most  emphatically. 
With  the  advanced  woman  I have  no  sympathy, 
and  I think  the  best  influence  a woman  can  wield 
is  in  her  own  home,  and  by  the  example  of  her 
own  good  and  true  life.  I do  not  want  my  girls 


ISO 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


to  be  advanced  women.  I want  them  to  be 
healthy,  happy,  normal  women,  intelligent,  well- 
read,  and  above  everything  else,  to  understand  the 
art  of  making  those  bound  by  ties  of  blood  cling 
close  to  them.  I do  not  think  women  can  be 
good  politicians  and  good  mothers,  wives  and 
daughters,  too.  I do  not  think  that  a woman  can 
speak  on  politics  to-night  and  be  interested  in 
having  a dainty  dinner  as  a rest  for  her  husband 
to-morrow  night.  Our  men  are,  sad  as  it  seems, 
slaves  to  money-making,  and  the  least  we  can  do 
for  them  is  to  create  a place  where  the  keynote  is 
rest  and  warmth  and  love.  She  who  spends  her 
time  seeking  votes,  making  speeches  and  arranging 
blue  books  will  find  it  impossible  to  think  out  the 
proper  way  to  perform  household  duties,  to  make 
life  pleasant  for  others,  or  to  build  a nest  as  it 
should  be  built  if  it  is  to  bear  in  golden  letters  the 
name  of  Home.^* 


CLUB  LIFE  AMONG  WOMEN 

Neither  do  I approve  of  the  extent  to  which  club 
life  among  women  has  been  carried.  I do  think  it 
charming  for  women  to  meet  and  talk  over  that  which 
is  interesting  to  each  other,  but  I rather  like  the 
old-fashioned  way,  when  all  womankind  met  in 
the  afternoon,  some  with  a bit  of  fancy-work,  some 
with  hands  that  were  resting,  and  then,  as  it  grew 


The  Restlessness  of  the  Age  15 1 


near  supper-time,  the  husbands  and  sons  appeared, 
and  after  supper  all  had  a merry  time  together. 
The  advanced  woman  says  that  was  the  day 
of  gossip,  but  I have  been  the  guest  of  many 
clubs,  and  I have  never  heard  at  a tea-party  as 
much  malicious  gossip  as  I have  in  these  clubs, 
which,  first  of  all,  demand  that  the  members  shall 
be  sisters  in  words  as  well  as  in  deeds.  This 
sounds  positive,  but,  my  dear  girl,  it  is  true.  The 
malice  and  evil  speaking  that  come  out  in  the 
‘^society’'  are  just  as  prominent  in  the  ‘^club,’' 
and  are,  I think,  a little  more  daring.  The  desire 
for  position  is  great,  and  the  rivalry  to  be  president 
or  chairman,  or  whatever  the  office  may  be,  brings 
out  all  the  petty  faults  that  the  advanced  woman 
affects  to  scorn,  and  declares  were  relegated  long 
ago  to  the  sewing  circle.^’ 

WHAT  I WOULD  LIKE 

I would  like  my  girls  to  do  their  work  as  they 
should,  have  the  pleasures  which  are  theirs  by  right, 
but  not  take  on  themselves  unnecessary  work,  and 
above  all  things,  to  avoid  unnecessary  haste.  A 
restful  woman  is  the  most  gracious  of  nature ^s  crea- 
tions. She  is  the  perfect  flower  of  womanhood. 
But  the  nervous,  quivering,  gasping  bundle  of 
nerves,  the  result  of  too  much  hurry  and  too  many 
unnecessary  duties,  as  represented  by  the  advanced 


152 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


woman,  is  what  I dread,  that  my  girls  should  be- 
come. If  you  go  on  an  errand,  go  quietly,  stead- 
ily, and  certainly.  If  you  are  exercising,  walk 
evenly  and  restfully ; do  not  rush  and  tear.  If 
you  have  an  opinion  to  give,  don’t  set  your 
nerves  to  tingling  and  your  heart  to  throbbing  by 
the  haste  with  which  you  utter  it.  Say  what  you 
have  to  say  quietly,  slowly,  and  distinctly.  When 
you  are  among  women  don’t  attempt  to  talk  when 
everybody  else  is  talking,  for  then  your  voice  will 
become  that  shrill  falsetto  which  is  the  sign  that 
the  nerves  are  all  undone.  Do  what  your  hands 
find  to  do,  but  don’t  reach  out  and  take  work 
that  does  not  belong  to  you  and  which  was  never 
intended  for  you.  If  you  make  yourself  well  and 
strong,  you  can  help  the  weak,  but  it  is  due  to 
those  among  whom  you  live  that  you  care  for 
yourself  mentally  and  physically.  And  be  sure 
that  when  the  good  God  asks  you  as  to  your  soul 
He  will  also  ask  you  how  you  have  treated  the 
case  given  for  it  and  which  was  made  in  His 
likeness.  Will  you  think  over  this  and  avoid  the 
vice  of  the  day — hurry  ? 


THE  GIRL  WHO  GOES  A-VISITING 


AM  sure  with  the  pleasant  summer 
days  that  many  an  invitation  comes 
to  my  girls  to  go  a-visiting.  I hope 
that  each  one  may  be  able  to  accept, 
and  that  her  visit  may  be  a succession  of  bright 
and  happy  days  worthy  to  be  put  down  on  the 
book  of  life  as  among  the  golden  ones.  This 
result,  of  course,  depends  largely  on  the  girl  her- 
self. I can  see  her  look  at  me  with  doubt  as  I say 
this,  and  yet  it  is  certainly  true.  People  invite 
others  to  have  a good  time,  and  surely  it  becomes 
the  duty  of  the  visitor  to  meet  this  desire  half  way 
and  achieve  what  is  wished.  Your  invitation  has 
come.  If  it  does  not  state  exactly  how  long  your 
friends  wish  you  to  stay,  write  and  ask  them,  or  if 
you  know  them  sufficiently  well  set  an  exact  time 
yourself,  so  that  the  housekeeper  will  understand 
that  you  will  arrive  on  a certain  day  by  the  four 
o’clock  train,  and  leave  two  weeks  after  on  the  ten 
o’clock  train.  Do  not  allow  anything  to  change 


154 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


this  plan  once  it  is  made,  for,  my  dear  girl,  it  is 
much  better  to  go  away  and  leave  your  hostess  re- 
gretting you  than  to  stay  and  make  her  wish  that 
you  had  gone.  To  welcome  the  coming  and 
speed  the  parting  guest ' ' is  her  business,  and  to  go 
away  leaving  a pleasant  impression  behind  you  is 
yours. 

THE  DUTY  OF  THE  VISITOR 

Now  you  have  started  to  visit  at  the  house  beau- 
tiful, and  as  you  go  whirling  through  the  country 
on  a fast  train  you  must  think  over  what  you  are 
going  to  do.  First  of  all,  you  are  to  be  a pleasure 
and  not  a trouble  to  your  hostess ; your  luggage 
has  been  checked  through,  and,  like  a wise  little 
woman,  you  will  have  prepaid  for  its  delivery  at 
the  house.  Arriving  there  and  being  greeted  by 
the  various  members  of  the  family,  you  will  be 
taken  to  the  room  that  is  to  be  yours,  and,  unless 
you  have  a very  intimate  girl  friend  there,  you  will 
be  left  alone  for  a little  while  so  that  you  may 
straighten  up  your  belongings,  freshen  yourself 
and  be  ready  to  meet  all  the  members  of  the  family. 
I am  concluding  that  you  are  the  girl  who  has  no 
maid  to  arrange  your  affairs  and  put  them  in  their 
proper  place.  Your  hostess  has  very  thoughtfully 
cleared  out  a cupboard  and  a chest  of  drawers  for 
you,  and  you  put  away  your  gowns  and  underwear 
with  exactly  the  same  care  that  you  would  if  you 


The  Girl  who  Goes  A-visiting  155 


were  at  home.  There  is  a dainty  cover  on  the 
dressing-table,  and,  being  a well-bred  girl,  you 
will  not  stain  that  with  perfumery,  nor  scorch  it  by 
being  careless  with  the  lamp  that  heats  your  curl- 
ing tongs.  You  will  remember  that  your  first  duty 
is  to  be  as  neat  as  possible  in  the  room  which  has 
been  dedicated  to  you.  If  you  are  visiting  where 
only  one  servant  is  kept  you  will  be  wise  and  kind, 
if,  without  being  asked,  you  take  care  of  your  own 
room,  so  making  yourself  of  as  little  trouble  as  pos- 
sible. ‘ It  may  be  that  at  home  you  are  a bit  lazy, 
but  here  it  is  your  duty  to  be  perfectly  prompt, 
especially  at  the  breakfast-table,  but  you  must  not 
appear  until  you  know  that  that  meal  is  ready.  A 
well-bred  girl  never  keeps  a table  waiting,  and 
never,  by  word  or  manner,  suggests  that  at  her  own 
home  the  hours  are  different,  or  possibly  more  con- 
venient. For  the  time  being  she  is  a member  of 
the  house  in  which  she  is  staying,  and  the  member 
who  takes  the  greatest  amount  of  care  in  being 
courteous. 

THE  TIME  TO  DISAPPEAR 

It  always  comes — that  time  when  it  is  wise  to 
leave  one’s  hostess  to  herself.  You  may  argue  and 
say,  ^^But  she  asked  me  to  come  and  see  her.” 
So  she  did,  but  she  didn’t  ask  you  to  live  with 
her  and  to  be  a burden  on  her  hands  at  all  times 
and  hours.  Have  a bit  of  fancy-work  or  a book 


IS6 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


to  which  you  can  devote  your  time  for  a while, 
and  disappear,  either  on  a veranda,  to  the  library 
if  there  is  one,  or,  if  there  is  no  other  place,  to  your 
room.  This  gives  your  hostess  time  to  arrange 
her  household  affairs,  to  plan  out  the  day,  and 
when  she  is  ready,  be  sure  she  will  come  and  seek 
you.  It  is  possible  that  you  are  visiting  the  daugh- 
ter of  a household,  but  whether  it  should  be  the 
mother  or  the  daughter  the  time  for  disappearing 
should  be  observed,  because,  naturally,  each  will 
have  duties  that  need  attention.  You  may  be  very 
sure  that  a judicious  absence  will  be  appreciated  by 
whomsoever  you  may  be  visiting.  But  then,  too, 
you  must  be  ready  to  do  whatever  your  friends  may 
desire,  and,  my  dear  girl,  show  that  you  are  satis- 
fied with  the  arrangements  made  for  your  pleasure. 


SOME  OF  THE  MISTAKES 

When  you  are  a visitor  yourself  remember  those 
guests  who  were  joys  to  you  when  you  were  act- 
ing as  hostess,  and  those  whose  visits  were  a con- 
tinual misery.  In  very  few  households  can  the 
general  arrangements  be  so  upset  that  the  washing 
of  a visitor’s  linen  can  be  done  in  the  house,  her 
clothes  brushed  or  her  shoes  looked  after.  Now, 
taking  my  advice,  you  will  ask  your  hostess  to 
recommend  you  a laundress,  and  if  someone  in 
the  house  does  have  time  enough  to  do  you  one  or 


The  Girl  who  Goes  A-visiting  157 


two  little  services  you  must  surely  pay  for  them. 
Remember  that  you  are  to  be  a pleasure  and  not 
an  expense,  and  therefore  when  little  jaunts  are 
got  up,  or  outings  are  arranged,  you  must  take  the 
trouble  to  find  out  whether  each  one  is  paying 
for  herself,  and  if  that  is  the  arrangement,  then 
insist  upon  your  hostess  letting  you  pay  your  share. 
A great  many  pleasant  friends  have  been  lost 
through  lack  of  thought  in  regard  to  money  mat- 
ters, and  many  women  would  entertain  much  more 
if  it  were  not  that  the  visitors  themselves  were  such 
a heavy  monetary  expense. 

Another  something  about  which  you  must  not 
make  a mistake  is  your  morning  manner  ; you  must 
come  to  the  breakfast-table  neatly  dressed,  with 
your  hair  properly  arranged,  greet  everybody  pleas- 
antly, and,  no  matter  how  you  may  feel,  impress 
your  friends  with  the  fact  that  you  are  happy. 
Then,  too,  try  not  to  see  or  hear  the  unpleasant 
words  that  are  sometimes  spoken  in  the  family  cir- 
cle, and  religiously  close  your  eyes  to  whatever  is 
disagreeable,  forcing  yourself  to  forget,  so  that  it 
may  be  impossible  for  you  ever  to  go  away  and 
speak  of  that  which  happened  while  you  were  under 
the  roof  of  someone  who  had  been  kind  to  you. 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


158 


IN  YOUR  TRUNK 

When  you  are  packing  your  trunk  try  and  put 
in  it  everything  that  you  will  need,  so  that  you  will 
not  have  to  borrow  from  your  hostess.  You  will  re- 
quire the  silk  or  cotton  matching  your  gowns,  your 
needles,  scissors,  and  thimble,  and  if  you  are  an 
adept  at  artistic  needlework  I would  suggest  your 
doing  a pretty  piece  while  you  are  visiting — one 
that  may  be  left  as  a souvenir  of  your  visit  with 
your  hostess.  You  must  have  with  you  your  own 
brushes,  your  letter-paper  and  pens,  and  when 
you  open  your  trunk  you  must  put  your  things  in 
their  proper  places,  giving  them  the  same  care 
which  you  would  if  you  were  going  to  be  in  the 
house  a year  instead  of  a week.  Besides  your 
clothes  there  must  be  some  virtues  packed  in  your 
trunk,  virtues  that  you  will  take  out  and  use  all  the 
time.  One  is  consideration.  You  will  find  that 
a visitor  well  equipped  with  this  will  be  much  liked. 
Another  is  punctuality,  that  virtue  of  kings.  And 
still  another  is  neatness,  a dainty  little  virtue  spe- 
cially adapted  to  young  women.  Then,  too,  there 
is  another  little  virtue  which  doesn’t  always  have 
that  name  given  it,  but  it  certainly  is  one,  and  that 
is  pleasant  small  talk.  You  want  to  be  able  among 
your  friends,  when  you  are  out,  and  most  especially 
at  the  table,  to  talk  pleasantly  on  subjects  that  are 


The  Girl  who  Goes  A-visiting 


IS9 


not  personal,  and  by  making  yourself  mistress  of 
the  art  of  small  talk  you  will  be  surprised  to  find 
how  agreeable  you  will  be  considered,  and  as  you 
do  not  discuss  the  affairs  of  the  last  establishment 
where  you  visited  you  will  make  your  hostess  glad, 
for  she  will  know  that  her  surroundings  and  what- 
ever happens  in  her  house  will  be  shown  the  same 
respect. 


YOUR  FRIEND’S  FRIEND 

Naturally,  when  it  has  been  decided  that  you 
are  coming,  your  friend  lets  her  friends  and 
acquaintances  know  that  she  expects  you,  and  she 
informs  them  that  she  will  be  glad  to  have  them 
all  call  on  you.  Now,  it  is  possible  that  you  may 
meet  one  who  is  particularly  attractive  to  you, 
whose  manner  charms  you  and  whose  intelligence 
is  a delight  to  you.  The  attraction  is  mutual,  but, 
my  dear  girl,  don’t  make  the  mistake  of  letting  this 
new  friend  become  more  to  you  than  the  one  with 
whom  you  are  staying.  Accept  from  her  only  the 
invitations  that  include  your  hostess,  and  if  your 
new  acquaintance  should  invite  you  to  come  and 
visit  her,  do  not  be  rude  enough  to  give  her  part  of 
the  time  that  was  intended  for  your  old  friend,  but 
if  you  wish  to  go  to  her,  and  your  mother  does  not 
object,  make  your  arrangements  for  the  time  to  be 
after  your  first  visit  is  finished.  I do  not  approve 
of  staying  at  the  houses  of  people  whom  you  have 


i6o 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


just  met.  Such  quick  friendships  are  not  likely 
to  last. 

THE  UNDESIRABLE  VISITOR 

You  know  her.  She  appears  late  and  untidy  at 
breakfast,  and  shows  by  her  listlessness  that  she  is 
dissatisfied  with  the  food  that  is  set  before  her. 
Her  room  is  very  untidy,  and  she  annoys  the  ser- 
vants by  asking  favors  of  them  when  they  are  busi- 
est. The  children  in  the  house  worry  her,  and 
she  invites  people  who  are  strangers  to  you  to  pay 
visits  at  times  that  are  most  inconvenient.  When 
you  are  going  to  take  her  for  an  outing  she  is  late 
and  appears  overdressed.  Then  she  makes  one  of 
the  girls  of  the  family  unhappy  by  attempting  to 
attract  her  sweetheart  from  her  and  prove  how 
fickle  he  is.  She  is  never  satisfied,  and  she  is  always 
telling  you  about  the  place  where  she  stayed  last 
and  how  differently  everything  was  done.  She  is 
surprised  that  you  have  your  dinner  at  the  hour 
that  you  do,  and  doesn't  hesitate  to  say  she  isn't 
hungry  at  that  time.  When  you  have  taken  a deal 
of  trouble  to  make  the  parlor  dainty  and  sweet, 
and  shut  out  the  glaring  sun,  she  elects  to  write 
her  letters  there,  and  fails  to  see  why  you  shouldn't 
prefer  the  brilliant  daylight  to  stream  in  at  all  hours. 

She  is  the  guest  you  certainly  are  willing  to 
speed.  And  she  is  the  guest  that  I do  not  wish  my 
girls  to  be  like.  She  doesn't  hesitate  to  borrow  your 


The  Girl  who  Goes  A-visiting 


i6i 


belongings,  she  uses  your  letter-paper,  and  she 
never  has  any  stamps,  but  counts  on  the  men  of  the 
family  buying  them  for  her.  Without  speaking  to 
you  she  invites  people  to  visit  her  whom  you  do 
not  wish  to  know,  and  she  places  you  in  such  un- 
comfortable positions  in  regard  to  these  people  that 
you  wish  you  had  never  met  her.  She  tells  you 
that  she  knows  you  wish  her  to  feel  as  if  she  were 
at  home,  and  all  you  can  do  is  to  smile  very  weak- 
ly. Nobody  wants  a visitor  to  feel  that.  A vis- 
itor should  remember  that  she  is  not  in  her  own 
home,  and  that,  while  everybody  wishes  her  to 
enjoy  herself,  still  she  has  no  rights  in  the  house- 
hold— only  those  privileges  which  her  hostess 
grants  her,  and  these  she  must  respect. 

This  inconsiderate  girl  is  the  girl  you  are  not  to 
be. 

UNDER  THE  ROSE 

While  you  are  having  a pleasant  time  with 
your  friend  you  must  remember  that  you  are 
at  all  times  under  the  rose  and  that  on  your  lips 
must  be  set  the  seal  of  silence.  When  you  leave 
you  only  remember  all  the  pleasant  things,  and,  be- 
ing a high-minded  girl,  you  criticise  nothing.  If, 
by  accident,  you  have  heard  a family  secret,  make 
yourself  forget  it,  and  if  you  have  been  present  at 
that  most  unpleasant  of  all  things,  a family  quarrel, 
convince  yourself  that  you  are  mistaken,  if  you 


II 


i62 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


remember  it.  Let  all  the  pleasures  and  all  the 
lovingkindness  stand  out  before  you  as  boldly  as 
possible,  and  let  everything  else  be  blurred  out  with 
the  sponge  of  forgetfulness.  I spoke  of  the  family 
quarrel.  If,  unfortunately,  you  should  be  in  the 
room  when  such  a thing  occurs,  leave  at  once  if 
you  possibly  can,  but  if  not,  refuse  to  give  any 
opinion  whatever,  and  after  it  is  all  over  do  not 
discuss  it  with  anybody.  You  must  also  forget 
any  reference  to  money  matters  you  may  hear,  and 
surely  you  are  too  kind-hearted,  if  you  have  visited 
among  people  who  are  not  wealthy,  ever  to  speak 
of  the  economies  that  you  have  noticed  and  which 
were  necessary. 

NOT  A BIT  OF  TROUBLE 

That  was  what  we  all  said  about  a girl  who  had 
been  visiting  us.  She  was  always  there  when  we 
wanted  her,  and  when,  for  domestic  reasons,  we 
desired  to  be  alone,  she  had  either  gone  out  for  a ■ 
walk  or  was  in  her  own  room  amusing  herself. 
She  found  everything  that  was  done  for  her  very 
pleasant,  and  when  the  time  came  for  her  to  go, 
from  the  mother  of  the  household  down  to  the 
servants,  there  was  regret.  She  departed  carrying 
with  her  a loving  invitation  to  come  soon  again — 
an  invitation  that  was  direct  from  the  hearts  of 
those  who  gave  it.  That  is  the  sort  of  visitor  I 


The  Girl  who  Goes  A-visiting 


163 


want  every  one  of  my  girls  to  be  : the  one  whose 
coming  is  a delight,  and  whose  going  is  a sorrow  ; 
the  one  who,  while  she  is  with  us,  is  a pleasure  in 
the  household,  and  who  is  spoken  of  after  she  has 
gone  as  being  the  very  nicest  of  girls. 

Now,  won’t  you  try  to  be  the  right  kind  of  a 
visitor  ? Won’t  you  think  over  what  I have  said 
and  make  yourself  a joy  to  your  hostess  ? Won’ t you 
be  careful  not  to  talk  about  disagreeable  things,  and 
won’t  you  be  more  than  careful  not  to  criticise  any- 
thing or  anybody  ? For  being  among  strangers, 
you  do  not  know  whonj  you  may  hurt.  Think  and 
act  always  with  the  greatest  consideration ; be  sure 
then  you  will  have  a good  time,  and  when  they  all 
say  good-by  to  you  it  will  be  with  regret,  and,  of 
course,  that  is  how  you  want  them  to  feel. 

This  little  bit  of  a sermon  is  given  to  my  girls, 
not  because  I believe  they  would  do  anything  that 
was  wrong  wilfully,  but  because  they  sometimes 
forget.  I want  them  to  remember,  and  with  the 
remembrance  will  come  the  right  action. 


THE  ART  OF  TRAVELLING  EASILY 


^ROM  all  over  the  country  letters  come 
to  me  from  girls  who  are  going  to 
have  an  outing  ; and  as  almost  every 
one  of  them  has  saved  the  money 
for  her  trip  by  many  sacrifices  she  wants  to 
obtain  the  greatest  possible  amount  of  pleasure 
from  the  expenditure  of  it.  Now,  she  cannot  do 
this  unless  she  knows  how  to  travel,  which,  by- 
the-bye,  doesn’t  mean  just  the  buying  of  a ticket 
and  the  going  from  one  place  to  another,  but 
also  means  doing  it  in  the  most  comfortable 
manner,  and  the  most  comfortable  manner,  curi- 
ously enough,  is  always  the  easiest.  To  spend 
money  so  that  the  greatest  amount  of  pleasure  and 
comfort  may  be  got  from  it  is  an  art,  and,  oddly 
enough,  an  art  that  is  usually  well  understood 
by  girls  who  have  plenty  of  money,  and  not  very 
well  understood  by  those  who  have  not.  Person- 
ally, I think  there  is  economy  in  securing  a 
seat  in  a parlor-car,  for  then  one  is  comfortably 


The  Art  of  Travelling  Easily  165 


placed,  one  is  sure  of  not  being  near  objectionable 
people,  and  travel  is  made  so  much  easier  and 
pleasanter,  and,  I might  add,  safer. 


MY  GIRL^S  TRAVELLING  DRESS 

Of  course,  it  goes  without  saying  that  my  girl  is 
going  to  be  as  neat  as  a Quakeress  when  she  trav- 
els ; that  her  frock  will  fit  her  well  and  easily  ; 
that  her  hat,  while  it  is  pretty  and  becoming,  may 
be  brushed,  and  that  it  shows  neither  feathers  nor 
flowers  upon  it,  and  that  her  gloves,  the  loose, 
heavy  kid  ones,  have  each  button  firmly  buttoned. 
Her  shoes  are  very  tidy,  and  if  they  are  buttoned 
ones  the  row  of  buttons  is  unbroken,  but  if  by 
chance  she  happens  to  like  for  summer-time  low 
tan  shoes,  her  stockings  match  them,  and  the 
strings  are  tied  and  warranted  not  to  come  un- 
done. A very  simple  coat,  tailor-made,  is  the 
wrap  which  she  carries,  and  which  is  assumed 
when  there  is  any  draught.  A coat  is  to  be  pre- 
ferred to  a short  cape,  for  the  reason  that  it  covers 
the  arms,  and  really  doesn’t  give  a breath  of  cold 
air  an  opportunity  to  get  close  to  one. 

My  girl  enters  the  car  with  her  parlor-car  check 
in  her  hand,  and  is  very  quickly  ensconced  where 
she  should  be  ; her  bag,  her  shawl-strap,  and  two 
or  three  small  packages  have  all  been  put  about  her 
by  whoever  has  come  to  bid  her  good-by,  and  she 


i66 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


goes  off  amid  good  wishes  to  that  city  where  she 
knows  she  will  receive  a welcome.  As  soon  as  the 
train  has  got  well  out  she  will,  being  wise,  take 
off  her  coat,  hang  it  up,  remove  her  hat  and  put 
it  in  the  rack,  take  off  her  gloves,  put  them  in  her 
coat  pocket,  and  then  settle  herself  comfortably 
to  enjoy  the  passing  panorama,  or  the  book  which 
she  has  brought  with  her.  She  need  never  have 
any  hesitancy  in  touching  the  electric  bell  and 
asking  the  porter  where  the  ladies’  toilet-room  is, 
for  this  is  something  that  the  good  traveller  always 
finds  out.  The  hours  fly  by,  and  being  a healthy 
girl  she  finds  to  her  astonishment  that  she  is  hungry  ; 
she  looks  at  her  watch  and  discovers  to  her  sur- 
prise that  it  is  exactly  her  luncheon  hour.  It  is 
only  a minute’s  work  to  put  the  books  aside,  and 
to  pick  up  the  small  square  package  done  up  in 
white  paper  and  marked  in  blue  pencil. 

Somebody  who  was  wise,  very  wise,  knew  that  the 
average  lunch  on  the  train  was  not  only  extremely 
poor,  but,  for  what  was  given,  extremely  expen- 
sive, and  so,  for  the  girl  who  is  going  to  have  a 
good  time,  there  was  a luncheon  prepared. 


ABOUT  HER  LUNCHEON 

Just  here  I want  to  say  a word  or  two  to  some 
girls  who  have  rather  silly  ideas  about  one’s  right 
to  economize.  These  girls  smile  at  the  idea  of 


The  Art  of  Travelling  Easily  167 


taking  a luncheon,  and  would  rather  foolishly  spend 
their  money  in  getting  a meal,  because  they  thought 
it  looked  the  right  thing,  than  in  taking  a lunch  with 
them.  Of  course,  it  may  not  be  possible  for  you  to 
carry  all  your  meals  with  you,  but  this  first  one 
you  certainly  can.  To  the  silly  girl  I would  like 
to  say  as  an  encouragement  that  the  people  whom 
she  envies  and  whom  she  calls  the  best,”  are 
always  those  who  look  out  for  their  own  comfort, 
provided  it  does  not  interfere  with  that  of  any  one 
else.  That  eating  one’s  luncheon  from  a box 
should  to  her  suggest  poverty  is  ridiculous  ; it  sug- 
gests, instead,  that  one  is  fortunate  enough  to  have 
home  people  who  look  after  one’s  comfort.  And 
it  may  be  added  that  no  people  so  consistently 
carry  their  luncheons  with  them  as  do  the  mem- 
bers of  the  English  aristocracy,  whom  she  so  much 
admires. 

WHAT  IT  MAY  CONSIST  OF 

In  the  lunch-box,  which,  by-the-by,  i§  a nice 
clean  white  one,  there  is  laid  a dainty  paper,  the 
kind  that  confectioners  use,  in  which  are  four 
or  five  delicate  sandwiches  made  of  thin  bread 
with  the  crust  cut  off,  and  having  spread  be- 
tween them,  over  the  thin  scraping  of  butter,  a 
layer  of  canned  meat,  or  thin  slices  of  chicken, 
tongue,  or  ham,  finely  minced.  Then,  wrapped  up 
in  another  piece  of  paper  are  some  olives  that  have 


i68 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


been  carefully  dried  before  they  were  put  in  the 
box,  and  for  a dessert  there  is  an  apple  or  a pear, 
and  for  a surprise  there  is  a most  delightful  piece 
of  poundcake.  No  matter  how  fond  of  them  you 
are,  do  not  have  an  orange  put  in  your  box ; they 
are  troublesome  to  eat  and  are  apt  to  soil  your 
hands.  Your  lunch  over,  and  you  have  eaten  it 
very  slowly,  you  open  your  travelling  bag,  take 
out  your  own  towel,  go  down  to  the  toilet-room 
and  give  a little  bath  to  your  face  and  to  your 
hands.  Ask  the  porter  to  throw  away  for  you  the 
box  in  which  your  lunch  was,  or,  indeed,  if  you 
have  some  still  remaining  put  it  and  the  box  back 
among  your  belongings,  for  you  don’t  know  what 
your  supper  is  going  to  be  like.  By-the-by,  speak- 
ing of  the  porter,  I may  mention  that  another  econ- 
omy is  to  fee  him ; I do  not  mean  extravagantly, 
but  moderately,  and  the  fifty  cents  which  you  give 
him,  as  well  as  your  polite  manner,  will  tend  to 
make  him  courteous  and  obliging  during  the  trip. 

ABOUT  HER  TRAVELLING  BAG 

In  your  travelling  bag  are  not  only  the  little 
things  that  you  will  need  on  your  journey,  but  a 
sufficient  number  of  your  belongings  for  use,  in 
case  your  baggage  should  not  arrive  in  time. 
There  is  your  brush  and  comb,  your  whisk,  and 
then  you  may  have  two  towels,  your  own  soap  in 


The  Art  of  Travelling  Easily  169 


its  box  and  your  sponge  in  its  rubber  bag.  Your 
toothbrush  is  carefully  wrapped  up,  and  if  you  wear 
buttoned  shoes  your  buttoner  is  in,  but  if  you  wear 
laced  ones  you  have  an  extra  pair  of  laces  in  case 
something  should  happen  to  those  with  which  you 
start  out.  If  you  are  delicate  and  in  the  habit  of 
taking  any  medicine  you  will  have  your  medicine 
bottle  with  its  glass  fitted  over  paper  tight  over 
the  cork  j then  there  will  be  your  hand-glass, 
which  to  save  space  and  to  keep  from  breaking, 
may  be  wrapped  in  one  of  your  towels,  and  there 
will  also  be  whatever  jewelry  you  may  possess 
put  in  a case  and  very  carefully  wrapped  up  ; 
however,  if  it  is  very  valuable  you  had  better  have 
a chatelaine  bag  and  carry  it  about  your  person. 
And  then  you  have  the  slippers,  either  knitted 
or  very  soft  kid  ones,  which  you  will  require  for 
night  wear. 


ABOUT  HER  SLEEPING  TOILETTE. 

The  wise  girl  knows  that  nothing  is  quite  so 
desirable  for  wear  in  the  sleeping-car  as  a wrapper 
of  dark-colored  flannel.  It  may  be  stated  as  a 
positive  fact  that  women  who  try  to  make  them- 
selver  look  coquettish  in  a sleeping-car,  and  wear 
elaborate  negliges  or  lace-trimmed  wrappers,  show 
extremely  bad  taste.  Experience  has  taught  my 
girl  that  a wrapper  of  soft  flannel  in  stripes  of 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


170 


black  and  blue,  made  in  the  simplest  fashion,  is 
most  useful.  When  she  is  ready  to  go  to  bed,  the 
porter  arranges  her  berth  for  her  and  she  goes  to 
the  toilet-room,  taking  with  her  her  shawl-strapped 
package.  She  removes  her  shoes  and  stockings, 
puts  on  the  knitted  slippers  that  she  has  taken  out 
of  her  bag,  removes  any  garments  which  she 
pleases,  and  assuming  her  wrapper,  which  has  been 
folded  in  her  shawl-strap,  repairs  to  her  berth. 
After  fastening  the  buttons  of  the  curtains,  she 
disposes  of  her  clothing  as  best  she  can,  folding 
each  article  smoothly  and  carefully,  and  placing  her 
money,  watch,  and  tickets  in  her  wrapper  pocket. 
And  then  she  should  try  to  rest — the  porter  will 
call  her  in  good  season,  and  her  ticket  will  not  be 
asked  for  during  the  night.  In  her  strap,  which 
shows  as  its  outer  wrapping  a shawl  or  travelling 
rug,  she  may  have  her  own  pillow  if  she  desires  it. 
But  this  is  not  a necessity,  as  the  cars  are  supplied 
with  linen  that  is  usually  fresh  and  clean.  In  the 
morning  the  wise  girl  will  put  on  her  stockings  and 
shoes  in  bed,  leaving  the  lacing  or  buttoning  of 
them  until  later.  Then  she  will  assume  her  other 
garments  and  repair  to  the  toilet-room,  where  she 
should  as  expeditiously  as  possible  make  herself 
neat,  trim,  and  fresh,  that  her  friends  who  are  to 
meet  her  may  not  find  her  dusty,  nor  travel -stained. 
This  must  be  done  quickly,  that  she  may  not  be 
classed  among  the  women  who  are  the  dread  of  all 


The  Art  of  Travelling  Easily  17 1 

considerate  women  on  parlor-cars — the  women 
who  take  and  hold  possession  of  the  toilet-room  as 
if  it  were  a fort. 

ABOUT  HER  ARRIVAL 

If  friends  are  to  meet  you  and  entertain  you  there 
is  nothing  for  you  to  trouble  about  except  the  find- 
ing of  them  in  the  great  crowd  which  is  likely  to 
be  assembled  at  the  station.  But  if  you  are  going 
to  a hotel  it  is  a little  different,  and  now  I want 
you  to  take  my  advice  about  this.  Do  not  take  a 
strange  cab,  but  the  carriage  or  omnibus  that  bears 
the  name  of  the  hotel.  When  you  reach  the  hotel 
you  will  be  shown  to  the  reception-room ; then 
send  word  by  the  servant  that  you  wish  to  speak 
to  the  clerk,  giving  the  servant  your  card.  When 
the  clerk  comes  tell  him,  if  such  is  the  case,  that 
your  rooms  were  engaged  by  letter  or  wire,  if  not, 
tell  him  exactly  what  you  want,  and  what  you 
wish  to  pay.  Make  the  matter  perfectly  business- 
like. Sometimes  it  is  wise  to  mention  the  name 
of  whoever  recommended  you  to  the  hotel,  espe- 
cially if  you  are  entirely  alone.  If  your  trunk  has 
not  come  up  with  you  give  the  check  for  it  to  the 
clerk,  who  will  attend  to  it  for  you,  and  I do  not 
think  you  will  have  any  trouble.  In  this  country 
women  who  are  alone  are  respected,  and  if  you 
are  quietly  dressed  and  ladylike  in  your  appearance 


172 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


men  in  all  stations  of  life  will  respect  you  and  show 
you  the  deference  due  your  sex. 

ABOUT  THE  HOTEL 

The  girl  who  is  stopping  at  a hotel,  whether  she 
is  alone  or  in  a party,  must  understand  that  con- 
spicuous gowning  in  the  dining-room  or  about  the 
hotel  is  in  extremely  bad  taste.  At  a famous  hotel 
in  Washington  they  always  conclude  that  the 
woman  who  wears  a tea-gown  in  the  dining-room 
knows  nothing  about  hotel  life,  and  in  this  they 
are  correct.  Your  gowns  want  to  fit  you  well ; 
they  may  be  as  smart  as  you  desire,  but  they  must 
be  quiet,  and  they  must  not  expose  your  neck  or 
arms.  If  you  are  going  out  with  friends  after  din- 
ner and  wish  to  wear  an  elaborate  toilette  then  as- 
sume it  after  dinner.  But  do  not  go  into  the 
public  room  dressed  in  your  party  frock.  Then 
about  service.  It  is  quite  true  that  you  are  paying 
for  service,  but  that  service  has  its  limits  and  it 
does  not  mean  the  running  of  your  errands,  the 
attending  to  your  personal  affairs,  unless  you  pay 
extra  for  it.  If  you  wish  a carriage  find  out  di- 
rectly from  the  office  exactly  how  much  it  will 
cost  you,  and  do  not  put  yourself  in  the  position 
of  having  to  wrangle  over  the  -price.  There  is 
probably  no  better  test  of  a well-bred  woman  than 
her  appearance  and  manner  in  the  cars  or  in  a 


The  Art  of  Travelling  Easily  1:73 


hotel.  She  may  never  have  been  in  such  places 
before,  but  instinct  teaches  her  that  the  more 
quietly  she  is  dressed  and  the  more  quiet  is  her  be- 
havior  the  more  certain  is  she  to  impress  strangers 
with  the  fact  that  she  bears  the  hall  mark  of  gen- 
tility. 


ABOUT  HER  ACQUAINTANCES 

I mean  the  acquaintances  who,  like  weeds, 
spring  up  by  the  wayside.  Some  of  my  girls  tell 
me  about  meeting  pleasant  men  in  cars,  and  ask 
if  there  is  any  reason  why  the  acquaintance  should 
not  be  kept  up.  Perhaps  I am  a little  positive, 
but  I do  not  think  such  acquaintance  ought  ever 
to  begin.  I know  that  very  often  courtesies  are 
shown  to  young  women  who  are  travelling  alone, 
courtesies  that  it  is  difficult  to  refuse,  but  it  is  usu- 
ally well  to  refuse  them,  inasmuch  as  all  the  ser- 
vice required  can  be  gotten  from  the  porter,  or  is 
furnished  by  the  car  itself.  I would  suggest  most 
positively  that  to  a service  offered,  a girl  should 
say  a ‘Hhank  you’^  that  carries  in  its  intonation 
a quiet  hint  that  no  further  acquaintance  is  de- 
sired. I do  not  deny  that  many  times  men  of 
good  breeding  and  of  honor  are  desirous  of  being 
kind  to  women  who  are  strangers  and  alone.  But 
the  wolf  in  sheep’s  clothing  is  equally  gentle  in 
his  manner,  and  few  young  women  can  distinguish 


174 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


the  real  from  the  imitation.  Therefore,  my  dear 
girl,  be  satisfied  with  the  friends  you  have. 

Start  out  determined  to  have  a good  time.  Put 
in  your  travelling  bag  a great  lump  of  hope;  make 
as  little  as  possible  of  the  troubles  and  as  much  as 
possible  of  the  pleasures,  and  when  you  are  talk- 
ing it  all  over  you  will  say  : I never  had  such 

a good  time  in  my  life.  ’ ^ And  maybe  somebody 
who  is  a bit  like  me  will  whisper  to  you:  ‘^It 
was  because  you  started  out  with  that  intention. 
My  girl,  one  makes  or  mars  most  of  the  pleasures 
of  life  oneself.  If  you  are  only  determined  to 
see  nothing  but  the  silver  lining  it  will  always 
appear. ' * God  bless  every  one  of  you  and  make 
you  have  a happy  time  wherever  you  may  be. 


THE  MOTHER  OF  MY  GIRL 

OMETIMES  my  girl  is  seven  years 
old,  sometimes  she  is  fifteen,  some- 
times she  is  eighteen  and  again  she 
may  be  any  age  and  yet  feel  as 
though  she  would  like  to  be  mothered  a little. 
And  when  I read  her  letters  I wonder  what  the 
mothers  all  over  the  world  are  doing.  I wonder 
if  they  remember  that  when  the  great  command- 
ment was  given  that  respect  should  be  shown  to 
parents  by  their  children,  it  was  meant  just  as 
certainly  that  a respect  should  be  shown  to 
children  by  their  parents,  and  especially  by  their 
mothers?  Your  girl  has  come  into  this  world 
endowed  with  a brain  and  a heart,  and  your  first 
duty  is  to  cultivate  both.  Then  she  may  be  sen- 
sitive, she  may  be  quick-tempered,  she  may  be 
nervous,  where  you  are  stolid,  calm,  and  equable. 
Now,  my  friend,  the  obligation  you  owe  that  girl 
is  a great  one.  You  have  got  to  think  out  her 
character  and  cater  to  it.  I do  not  mean  that  you 


176 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


must  give  her  the  privilege  of  doing  what  she 
pleases.  I do  not  mean  that  in  your  desire  to  be 
a good  mother  that  you  must  make  her  selfish ; 
but  you  must  understand  her,  and  you  must  ht 
tender  and  patient  with  her.  One  girl  may  be  able 
to  endure  what  is  commonly  known  as  a good 
talking  to,’’  and  be  all  the  better  for  it;  another 
girl,  given  the  same  treatment,  may  suffer  agony 
and  grow  to  hate  her  mother.  Possibly  you  think  I 
am  exaggerating,  but  if  you  will  take  the  trouble 
to  study  your  own  and  other  girls,  you  will  find 
that  there  is  truth  in  what  I say. 

THE  SENSITIVE  GIRL 

You  who  lack  all  romance,  have  no  imagina- 
tion, who  do  not  mind  hearing  the  plain  unvar- 
nished truth,  have  been  given  a daughter  who 
finds  her  greatest  happiness  in  the  world  of  imag- 
ination ; her  feelings  are  easily  hurt ; she  longs, 
not  only  for  love,  but  for  the  expression  of  it. 
The  other  day  when  she  came  up  to  you,  leaned 
over  your  shoulder  and  kissed  you  gently,  you 
said,  Oh,  nonsense ! ” and  gave  her  a little  push. 
I don’t  think  she  will  ever  try  to  kiss  you  again. 
And  yet,  in  your  heart,  you  were  pleased  at  the 
kiss,  but  you  had  so  long  thought  it  foolish  to 
give  an  outward  sign  of  the  inward  love  that  you 
felt  it  almost  as  your  duty  to  act  as  you  did. 


The  Mother  of  My  Girl 


177 


Then,  when  she  came  in  late  to  dinner,  and 
there  was  company  at  the  table,  you  said  to  her 
before  everybody,  No  matter  how  much  you 
were  interested  in  that  book  you  will  have  to  be 
on  time  at  this  table,  or  go  without  your  dinner.’' 
There  was  a lump  in  her  throat,  and  her  heart 
swelled  as  if  it  would  burst.  She  couldn’t  eat 
anything  and  then  you  called  her  sulky.  Now 
she  ought  not  to  have  been  late,  but  then  you 
ought  not  to  have  reproved  her  before  others. 
The  reprimand  should  have  taken  a different 
form  and  been  given  when  you  and  she  were 
alone.  Her  love  for  you  should  have  been  ap- 
pealed to,  and  she  ought  to  have  been  told  how 
badly  it  looked  for  strangers  to  see  her  unpunctual, 
and  how  it  made  her  mother  appear  as  if  she  did 
not  train  her  properly.  This  girl  will  either 
find  an  intimate  friend  who  will  become  her 
confidante,  or  else  she  will  live  along  an  unhappy 
life  alone,  and  at  the  first  opportunity  that  offers 
leave  her  home.  And  you  will  wonder  at  her  in- 
gratitude and  think  that  because  you  have  fed, 
clothed,  and  sheltered  her,  you  have  done  all  that 
was  necessary. 

THE  GREAT  RESPONSIBILITY 

When  God  gave  you  that  little  life  He  gave  it 
to  you  that  you  might  train  it  up  in  the  way  it 


12 


178 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


should  go,  but  He  expected  that  mother-love 
would  make  you  study  the  difference  between 
one  girl  and  another,  and  make  you  discover  the 
best  way  to  give  happiness  to  your  own  girl. 
Sometimes  when  she  gets  to  be  sixteen,  you  com* 
plain  that  you  had  hoped  to  find  so  much  comfort 
in  her,  but  that  she  seeks  strangers  instead  of  you 
and  finds  her  greatest  pleasure  away  from  you. 
Think  back  during  the  years. 

Remember  when  the  child  came  to  you  with 
the  story  of  her  joys  and  you  told  her  you  were 
too  busy  to  listen.  Remember  when  she  came  into 
the  parlor  where  you  were  entertaining  friends, 
and  you  told  her  to  go  out,  that  grown-up  people 
wanted  to  talk  about  things  she  mustn’t  listen 
to.  As  you  did  this,  why  are  you  surprised  that 
she  should  be  far  away  from  you  now  ? Why 
should  you  wonder  that  her  closest  friend  is  not 
her  mother,  but  some  young  girl  who  lives  in  the 
neighborhood  ? 

BE  CAREFUL  HOW  YOU  SPEAK 

Once,  when  your  girl  was  very  little,  she  asked 
to  be  allowed  to  choose  her  own  hat.  She  had  the 
instincts  of  an  artist,  and  she  knew  the  hat  you 
bought  her  didn’t  suit  her,  but  you  insisted  on  her 
wearing  it.  Now,  why  couldn’t  you  have  given  in 
to  her  ? If  she  had  chosen  something  too  delicate, 


The  Mother  of  My  Girl 


179 


or  too  expensive,  you  could  have  explained  to  her 
the  reason  why  it  was  impossible,  and  then,  be- 
tween you,  something  could  have  been  selected 
that  would  have  pleased  both.  As  it  was,  your  girl 
went  home,  looked  at  herself  in  the  glass  and  made 
up  her  mind  she  was  ugly  ; that  it  didn’t  make  any 
dilference  what  she  did,  that  nobody  cared  for  her 
because  she  was  ugly  and  that  nobody  ever  would. 
And  she  suffered  as  only  a sensitive  girl  can  suffer. 
And  I would  like  to  warn  you,  my  friend,  that  the 
sins  you  commit  against  your  children  will  cer- 
tainly, either  here  or  hereafter,  rise  up  very  black 
before  you. 

I know  of  two  women  who  were  told,  when  they 
were  children,  that  they  were  ugly.  One  of  them 
brooded  over  it,  was  hurt  by  it,  never  ceased 
thinking  of  it,  was  awkward  and  shy,  until  one 
day,  when  she  was  about  sixteen,  she  met  a man 
who  loved  her  and  who  married  her.  He  laughed 
at  the  idea  of  her  being  ugly ; he  took  her  to  a 
mirror  and  showed  her  a pair  of  bright  eyes,  and 
he  told  her  that  her  hair  was  beautiful.  She  was 
slender,  it  is  true,  and  a bit  sallow,  but  a year’s 
travel  and  a year’s  love,  and  a year’s  constant  be- 
lief that  after  all  she  was  not  ugly,  made  her,  if  not 
a beautiful,  at  least  an  attractive  woman,  while 
becoming  dresses  brought  about  ease  of  manner, 
and  the  ugly  duckling,  to  everybody’s  surprise, 
was  counted  among  the  swans.  But  to  this  day  she 


i8o 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


has  never  forgotten  and  never  ceased  to  dislike  the 
people  who  told  her  she  was  ugly. 

And  the  other  girl  ? That  was  a tragedy.  She 
bore  the  comparison  between  her  and  her  sister 
until  she  was^  seventeen,  and  then,  unhappy, 
wretched  child,  she  killed  herself.  Now  don’t 
you  think  you  ought  to  consider  your  daughters  ? 
You  will  not  hurt  them  by  telling  them  of  any 
charm  they  may  possess.  There  is  a dear  girl  of 
my  acquaintance  whose  quick  temper  was  cured 
by  a wise  mother  telling  her  of  the  beauty  of  her 
eyes  and  of  how  differently  they  looked  when  she 
was  angry. 


ABOUT  HER  RELIGION 

There  comes  a time  in  every  girl’s  life  when  the 
question  of  right  and  wrong  presents  itself  to  her 
very  positively.  She  has  heard  prayers  and  ser- 
mons all  her  li fe  long,  but  she  has  not  thought.  Sud- 
denly, sometimes  from  a physical,  sometimes  from 
a mental  state,  she  is  overcome  with  the  thought 
of  religion,  and  a desire  to  do  what  is  right.  Just 
at  this  time  she  needs  her  mother  to  guide  her ; 
she  wants  that  mother  to  teach  her  that  religion  is 
for  every-day  use;  that  it  is  something  in  life 
which  has  a close  relation  with  the  rest  of  the  world, 
and  that  it  is  not  merely  the  going  off,  either  to 
church  or  to  her  room,  and  throwing  herself  into 
a state  of  ecstasy.  Her  mother  must  teach  her 


The  Mother  of  My  Girl 


i8i 


that  religion  is  worth  nothing  unless  it  makes  her 
more  patient,  more  charitable,  more  willing  to  do 
the  work  which  is  at  that  time  her  task,  and  more 
eager  to  let  faith  exemplify  itself  in  beautiful  acts. 
Make  your  girl  understand  the  beauty  of  belief, 
and,  if  she  should  cite  to  you  some  of  the  miserable 
clap-trap  that  is  said  against  it,  tell  her  of  the  wise 
men  and  women  who  have  been  believers  and  lived 
noble  lives.  Don’t  attempt  to  argue  with  her,  but 
give  her  facts  to  think  over,  and  try  to  teach  her 
the  advantage  of  thinking  out  things  for  herself. 
Tell  her  to  seek  the  privacy  of  her  own  room,  say 
a little  prayer  there,  and  ask  God  to  make  her  see 
life  as  it  is,  and  to  make  her  live  her  own  as  she 
should.  Go  with  her  sometimes  and  share  this 
quiet  little  prayer,  but  always  do  your  best  to  make 
her  realize  that  what  her  life  shall  be  rests  with  her  ; 
that  God  and  her  mother  will  help,  but  that  she  is 
the  one  who  will  have  to  live  through  the  long 
years,  and  that  it  is  she  who  must  decide  to  live  them 
well.  She  wants  your  encouragement  j she  wants 
her  faith  to  be  strengthened  by  yours,  and  surely 
you  will  not  deny  this  to  her,  but  putting  your 
arm  about  her,  you  two,  mother  and  daughter, 
will  walk  together,  helping  each  other  as  long  as 
God  is  pleased  that  it  shall  be.  It  is  the  mother’s 
place  to  bear  with  her  patiently,  and  show  this 
girl,  to  whom  religion  has  just  come  as  the  great 
motive  of  life,  what  it  means  in  life,  and,  my  dear 


i82 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


mother,  this  can  be  easily  done  by  setting  a good 
example,  and  by  encouraging  your  daughter’s  faith. 


ABOUT  HER  SWEETHEART 

Some  day  your  girl  blushes  and  stammers  and 
looks  extremely  conscious,  and  if  you  are  her  con- 
fidante she  tells  you  about  the  young  man  who 
walked  home  from  church  with  her.  The  wise 
mother  will  take  that  purely  as  a matter  of  course, 
say  that  it  is  very  polite  in  him  and  ignore  the 
blushes  and  the  shyness.  But  she  will  find  out 
about  that  young  man  ; and  then,  when  she  thinks 
it  proper,  she  will  invite  him  herself  to  come  into 
the  home.  There  he  will  be  seen  as  he  is,  and 
time  will  prove  whether  he  is  the  real  sweetheart, 
or  whether  he  merely  turns  out  to  be  one  of  the 
pleasant  friends  which  it  is  always  a girl’s  right  to 
have  in  her  mother’s  home.  Many  girls  have 
made  bad  marriages  and  foolish  ones  simply  be- 
cause they  never  saw  the  man  whom  they  event- 
ually married  except  in  the  house  of  strangers,  at 
entertainments,  or  when  these  two  were  entirely 
alone.  And  no  girl  ever  became  thoroughly  ac- 
quainted with  a man  in  this  way.  The  wise 
mother  will  sympathize  with  her  girl  in  the  story 
of  her  sweetheart ; will  have  him  around  very 
much  with  all  of  them,  will  make  him  one  of  them, 
so  that  the  girl  sees  his  virtues  and  his  faults,  and 


The  Mother  of  My  Girl  1S3 


has  an  opportunity  to  decide  whether  she  loves 
him  well  enough  to,  not  only  admire  the  first,  but 
bear  with  the  second.  She  is  a bad  mother  who 
makes  her  girl’s  small  vanity  at  the  admiration 
shown  her  by  a young  man,  a subject  of  ridicule, 
for  at  once  the  girl’s  heart  will  close  up,  and  never 
again  will  she  confide  in  her  mother.  I wish,  oh 
so  much,  that  mothers  would  think  of  this.  Surely, 
then,  more  girls  would  be  saved  from  unhappy 
marriages  and  fewer  lives  would  be  made  wretched 
forever. 

THE  GIRL’S  VIRTUES 

Can  you  expect  your  girl  to  be  charitable  when 
in  her  presence  you  do  not  hesitate  to  talk  of  your 
neighbors  maliciously  ? Can  you  expect  your  girl 
to  be  free  from  envy  when,  in  a fault-finding  way, 
you  compare  what  you  have  with  that  which  is 
possessed  by  your  richer  neighbor  ? Can  you  ex- 
pect your  girl  to  be  modest  when  you  show  no 
respect  for  her  and  think  that  she  need  not  mind 
saying  or  doing  anything  before  her  mother  ? Can 
you  expect  your  girl  to  tell  the  truth,  when,  to  save 
yourself  a little  trouble,  or  because  it  would  involve 
a long  explanation,  or  for  some  equally  silly  reason, 
you  do  not  hesitate  to  tell  a falsehood  ? Can  you 
expect  your  girl  to  give  to  you  the  respect  that  is 
due  when  she  hears  you  laugh  and  make  a jest  of 
your  own  mother’s  peculiarities  ? Can  you  expect 


184 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


your  girl’s  religion  to  be  one  to  live  by  when  she 
sees  that  it  has  no  part  in  your  daily  life  ? Can 
you  expect  your  girl  to  be  a good  and  noble 
woman  when  you  are  petty  and  selfish  and  trifling  ? 

Every  day  in  your  life  you  must  remember  that 
you  are  the  living  example  that  your  daughter  is  to 
follow.  Every  morning  you  ought  to  pray  for  help 
to  live  so  well  during  the  day  that  your  daughters 
will  find  in  you  their  ideal  of  the  perfect  woman. 
The  girl  who  is  happy  enough  to  have  her  mother 
represent  all  that  is  good,  is  the  girl  who  cannot 
but  be  good  herself.  So  much  of  it  rests  with  you. 
I tell  you  the  cry  of  the  children  all  over  the  land 
is  for  mothers,  for  thoughtful  mothers,  loving 
mothers,  and  sympathetic  mothers.  So  many  girls 
are  hungry  for  a little  love  and  a little  sympathy, 
and  you,  who  should  be  so  generous  with  them — 
you,  from  whom  they  have  a right  to  ask  so  much 
— you  let  them  starve.  Certainly  your  reward 
will  come  to  you ; there  would  be  no  justice  if  it 
did  not,  and  knowing  this,  I beg  of  you  to  think 
of  your  children,  and  be  mothers,  not  strangers 
to  them. 

IN  YOUR  OLD  AGE 

Then  it  will  all  come  up  before  you — the  mistakes 
that  you  have  made.  And  you  will  realize  that 
not  only  have  you  failed  in  your  duty  toward  God 


The  Mother  of  My  Girl  185 


in  not  caring  for  the  soul  that  He  trusted  to  you, 
but  that  your  sins  have  come  back  to  you  and 
you  are  suffering  for  them.  Your  daughter  cares 
nothing  for  you.  You  lacked  interest  in  her  when 
she  was  young,  and  now  she  is  not  interested  in 
you.  If  you  live  with  her  she  finds  you  a burden ; 
she  is  as  far  from  you  as  if  she  were  not  flesh  of 
your  flesh,  and  you  are  alone  and  old,  and  the  con- 
solations of  love  and  gratitude  do  not  come  to 
you.  Do  you  want  an  old  age  like  that?  Do 
think  of  it  while  there  is  time.  Think  of  it  and 
be  to  your  girl  all  that  you  should  be,  not  because 
of  what  you  look  for  in  the  future,  but  because  it 
is  right,  and  because  you  want  to  make  your  girl 
happy.  Your  sons  may  love,  honor,  and  revere 
you ; but  as  the  years  go  on  it  is  your  daughter 
who  is  closest  to  you — your  woman  child.  Make 
her  girlhood  a happy  one,  and  be  sure  that  when 
she  is  a mother  she  will  make  other  girls  happy, 
and  so  the  good  seed  will  be  planted,  and  from 
generation  to  generation  the  good  that  you  have 
done  will  grow  like  a beautiful  green  vine  until  it 
covers  all  of  the  house  of  life.  Your  girl  can  be 
so  much  to  you  even  now,  and  she  stretches  out 
her  hands  so  eagerly,  asking  for  affection  and  sym- 
pathy. Surely  you  cannot  refuse  to  give  her  the 
gospel  measure,  pressed  down  and  running  over. 


MY  SWEETHEART  AND  I 


^HAT’S  the  way  I think  it  ought  to  be 
worded.  Because,  then,  the  trace  of 
selfishness  that  suggests  itself  in  Me 
and  My  Sweetheart  is  entirely  lost. 
And  there  can  be  no  real  love  where  selfishness  exists. 
You  may  smile  at  this,  my  dear  girl,  and  think  that 
then  there  must  be  very  little  love  in  the  world ; 
there  is  only  a little  bit,  but  you  have  a right  to 
your  share  of  it.  Your  sweetheart  and  you  ! I 
wonder  if  you  know  what  that  means  to  people 
whose  sweethearts  have  drifted  from  them, 
whose  sweethearts  have  forgotten  them,  or  whose 
sweethearts  have  been  taken  away  from  them  by 
that  inexorable  tyrant.  Death  ? The  days  are  long 
and  sunshiny,  and  the  knowledge  that  you  possess 
a sweetheart,  a real  one,  ought,  it  seems  to  me, 
make  your  heart  dance  with  delight,  every  duty 
become  a pleasure,  and  every  pleasure  seem 
tripled. 


My  Sweetheart  and  I 


187 


Perhaps  you  have  known  your  sweetheart  for 
years,  perhaps  you  have  only  known  him  for  a few 
months,  but,  nevertheless,  he  has  discovered  that 
you  are  the  one  woman  for  him,  and  the  one  whom 
he  wishes  to  have  walk  beside  him  all  his  life,  shar- 
ing his  sorrows  and  his  joys.  And  you  ? You 
are  only  too  glad  to  be  his  companion.  And  thus 
being  of  one  mind,  it  becomes  necessary  that  you 
shall  think  out  what  are  your  duties  toward  each 
other,  for  life  is  not  all  love,  though,  as  far  as  you 
two  are  concerned,  you  may  make  it  so. 

MAKE  HIM  YOUR  FRIEND 

First  of  all  it  is  necessary  that  your  sweetheart 
should  be  your  companion  and  your  affectionate 
friend,  as  well  as  your  lover.  Indeed,  unless  you 
combine  these  two — the  friend  and  the  lover — the 
love  will  wear  away,  and  the  lover  will  grow  weary. 
So,  it  seems  good  and  right  that  you  should  think 
of  the  things  which  interest  him,  and  also  think  out 
things  which  ought  to  interest  him,  and  by  pleasant 
talk  make  him  aware  of  them.  What  I mean,  my 
dear  girl,  is  that  while  the  expression  of  love  is 
right  and  proper,  and  that  it  is  quite  right  that  the 
man  who  is  to  be  your  husband  should  greet  you 
with  a loving  kiss  and  words  that  tell  of  his  affec- 
tion for  you,  still  your  hold  on  him  will  be  greater 
if  you  make  him  interested  in  the  books  you  have 


i88 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


read  and  the  plays  you  have  seen,  or  if  you  talk  to 
him  about  some  question  which  has  interested  you 
and  about  which  you  have  a decided  opinion.  In 
this  way  you  will  become  companionable ; and,  let 
me  tell  you,  that  while  it  is  the  easiest  thing  in  the 
world  for  a young  girl  to  get  a sweetheart,  it  is  only 
by  becoming  his  good  friend  that  she  can  keep  him. 

THE  MARMALADE  OF  LOVE 

^^But,’^  says  some  girl  who  has  very  independ- 
ent ways,  why  shouldn’t  he  cater  to  my  ideas; 
why  should  I cater  to  his  ? ” Oh,  my  dear,  what 
a mistake  you  are  making.  You  are  not  catering 
to  his  ideas,  you  are  only  doing  that  which  is  right 
and  womanly,  and  endeavoring  to  keep  the  love 
which  you  have  gained.  You  may  discuss  nothing 
more  serious  than  the  difference  between  yellow  and 
brown  hair,  and  your  sweetheart  may  say  to  you 
that  brown  locks  are  the  loveliest  in  the  world,  and 
his  eyes  may  tell  you  the  reason  why  he  thinks  so. 
Then  you  may  defend  golden  hair  the  evening 
through,  and  when  you  two  part  you  have  had  a 
merry  little  time,  you  have  made  your  sweetheart 
forget  the  cares  of  life,  and  it  has  been  entirely  be- 
cause you  talked  about  something  that  each  was 
interested  in.  Another  evening  it  may  be  a book  ; 
another  evening  you  may  let  him  explain  to  you 
all  about  the  politics  of  the  country,  and  still  an- 


My  Sweetheart  and  / 


189 


other  happy  time  you  two  may  build  castles  in  the 
air  about  the  little  home  which  is  to  be  yours, 
which  you  both  look  forward  to  as  a positive  real- 
ity. Treat  your  sweetheart  always  as  a friend  ; let 
him  know  of  the  great  love  that  is  at  your  heart, 
and  let  it  find  expression  in  words  once  and  a 
while,  but  remember  that  a continued  expression 
of  it  is  like  the  giving  of  many  teaspoonfuls  of 
marmalade — the  hungry  one  will  tire  of  it,  and 
yearn  for  plain  bread  and  butter.  Give  plenty  of 
the  bread  and  butter  of  affectionate  friendship,  and 
every  now  and  then  add  to  it  a spoonful  of  mar- 
malade of  love. 

I like  the  old-fashioned  word  sweethearting.’' 
But  it,  like  all  good  things,  has  its  written  and 
unwritten  laws,  which  must  be  strictly  observed 
by  the  girl  who  wishes  to  retain  her  sweetheart’s 
respect  as  well  as  love.  I think  the  law  that  must 
be  most  closely  observed  is  that  of  discretion. 


SURROUNDED  BY  YOUR  FAMILY 

But  that  one  little  word,  discretion,  covers  a 
very  wide  ground.  It  means  that  not  only  must 
you  be  careful  in  what  you  say  and  think,  but 
you  must  be  wise  in  the  giving  of  good  things, 
and  no  matter  how  much  your  sweetheart  may 
seem  to  long  for  your  presence,  you  must  not  let 
him  have  too  much  of  it.  When  he  comes  to  see 


190 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


you  in  the  evening  let  him  come  where  all  the 
rest  are,  mother  and  those  bad  boys,  and  the  other 
girls — let  him  come  right  into  your  home-life, 
see  what  it  is  like  and  how  you  fill  your  place ; 
in  time  your  interests  will  become  his.  You  hang 
your  head  when  I say  this — you  think  you  would 
rather  see  him  alone  ; well,  it  is  not  such  a long 
time  since  mother  was  a girl  herself,  and  she  will 
manage,  before  he  goes,  that  you  shall  have  fifteen 
minutes,  or  half  an  hour,  to  talk  over  with  him 
whatever  seems  of  most  importance  to  you.  That 
half-hour  will  appear  more  to  both  of  you  than 
all  the  rest  of  the  evening,  but  do  you  think  it 
would  have  been  counted  so  valuable  if  you  two 
had  been  alone  all  the  time  ? 

It  is  possible  that  your  sweetheart  is  going  to 
escort  you  to  a concert ; then  let  him  take  you 
from  the  very  midst  of  your  family,  your  mother 
wishing  that  you  may  have  a good  time,  and,  my 
dear  girl,  if  he  always  thinks  of  you  as  surround- 
ed by  care  and  consideration,  his  self-respect, 
when  he  is  honored  with  the  charge  of  you,  will 
keep  him  from  doing  or  saying  anything  that 
would  not  be  done  or  said  in  the  home  nest. 

SMALL  COURTESIES  OF  LIFE 

It  is  possible  that  your  sweetheart  may  never 
have  had  any  sisters  to  tell  him  of  the  little  things 


My  Sweetheart  and  1 


191 


that  annoy  women,  and  that  he  has  never  before 
cared  enough  for  a girl  to  give  her  the  right  to 
make  known  to  him  what  she  thinks  are  odd  little 
ways.  Once  or  twice  he  has  caught  you  by  the 
arm  in  getting  through  a crowd,  or  when  you 
were  walking  together  in  the  evening ; naturally 
you  did  not  like  that.  Well,  tell  him  so,  but 
don’t  draw  your  arm  away  and  be  cross  about 
it;  instead,  look  him  right  straight  in  the  face, 
and  say:  ^^Dear  boy,  I would  so  much  rather 

lean  on  you  than  have  you  lean  on  me.”  Then 
slip  your  hand  where  it  belongs,  under  his  left 
arm,  close  to  his  heart.  Suppose  your  sweet- 
heart should  incline  to  scarfs  you  don’t  admire. 
I once  heard  a girl  tell  a man  she  hated  him 
because  he  wore  a pale  blue  scarf.  You  needn’t 
be  as  positive  as  that,  but  you  can  suggest  to 
him  that  as  a blonde  he  always  looks  better  in 
an  all-black  scarf,  while  as  a brunette  he  can 
wear  the  white  ones  all  day  and  put  on  the 
black  ones  for  very  formal  occasions.  Men  are 
very  much  what  women  make  them,  and  it  is 
the  easiest  thing  in  the  world  to  teach  your 
sweetheart  how  to  act  and  dress  according  to 
the  social  laws,  and  he  will  never  dream  that  he 
is  being  taught,  but  will  believe  that  every  sug- 
gestion has  emanated  from  his  own  brain.  Let 
him  understand  that  he  is  never  to  be  anything 
but  respectful  and  considerate  of  your  family, 


192 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


and  make  this  an  unwritten  law  by  showing  re- 
spect and  consideration  for  his. 

Never  permit  him  to  gossip  over  the  affairs  of 
his  family  with  you.  Their  secrets  are  not 
yours,  and  you  have  no  right  to  know  them. 
If  something  is  forced  upon  you,  make  up  your 
mind  to  think  the  best  of  it.  This  is  some- 
thing you  will  never  regret.  Don’t  let  your 
sweetheart,  because  you  have  told  him  you  love 
him,  neglect  any  of  the  little  courtesies  about 
which  you  were  so  careful  before  he  had  gotten 
this  confession  of  your  love.  Set  nothing  down 
to  lack  of  thought,  but  giving  proper  thought  to 
all  small  politenesses  yourself,  exact  the  same 
from  him.  Never  let  that  meanest  of  all  things, 
jealousy,  enter  your  heart.  If  the  man  is  worth 
your  love,  if  you  have  promised  to  trust  and 
believe  in  him,  you  are  wronging  him  when 
you  permit  suspicion  to  come  to  you,  and  it 
will  injure  you  in  every  way.  If,  before  you 
told  him  your  love,  you  had  not  thought  out 
whether  the  love  he  offered  you  was  a good  and 
true  one,  then  it  is  possible  you  deserve  to  suf- 
fer from  your  carelessness,  but  if  you  believe  in 
your  sweetheart  you  are  insulting  him  when  you 
let  yourself  become  a prey  to  jealousy.  Polite- 
ness is  one  of  the  cardinal  virtues,  and  its  great 
value  is  never  so  much  appreciated  as  when  every 
one  of  its  laws  observed  between  people  who  care 


My  Sweetheart  and  I 


193 


for  each  other.  A slighting  word,  a rude  gesture, 
or  an  impolite  action  has  done  more  to  break 
love  than  all  the  unfaithfulness  or  change  of  heart 
that  ever  existed.  A great  break  can  be  healed,  but 
a thousand  little  ones  can  only  result  in  total  de- 
struction.  I call  on  you,  if  you  want  to  retain 
your  sweetheart,  to  remember  this. 

JUSTICE  AND  GENEROSITY 

It  is  undoubtedly  pleasant  to  receive  presents 
from  those  we  love,  and  usually  a girl’s  sweetheart 
enjoys  giving  to  her.  But  many  a young  man  has, 
because  of  his  love,  been  more  generous  than  just, 
by  giving  the  girl  he  loved  gifts  that  he  could  not 
afford.  For  this  reason  the  wise  maiden  will  refuse 
to  accept,  even  from  her  sweetheart,  gifts  of  great 
value,  and  when  she  comes  to  know  all  his  affairs 
she  may  show  greater  wisdom  by  refusing  to  take 
anything  of  greater  worth  than  a flower  or  a few 
sweets.  Every  girl  loves  a pretty  ring,  and  for 
this  reason  many  a man  has  gone  into  debt  to  give 
to  the  girl  of  his  heart  a diamond  ring,  which  he 
could  not  afford,  but  which  she  seemed  to  yearn 
for.  Personally,  I think  it  in  much  better  taste 
for  a girl  to  have  a very  simple  engagement  ring, 
a gold  loveknot  or  a blue  enamelled  one  being  really 
more  appropriate  for  the  engagement  than  a ring 
set  with  precious  stones.  There  is  a certain  vul- 
garity in  the  wearing  of  jewels  by  young  girls,  and 

13 


194 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


that  it  is  an  engagement  ring  does  not  excuse  the 
assumption  of  an  enormous  diamond.  A ring 
which  has  some  sentiment  attached  to  it,  or  one 
that  has  its  own  story  for  two,  is  a thousand  times 
more  to  be  desired  than  the  kind  of  ring  that  can 
be  bought  by  anybody.  Certainly  you  do  not 
want  to  begin  your  engagement  with,  as  its 
souvenir,  a ring  that  has  caused  your  sweetheart  to 
assume  a debt,  for  that  would  be  a very  bad  com- 
mencement. 

If  your  sweetheart  is  away  from  you  it  goes  with- 
out saying  that  you  will  write  to  each  other.  Now, 
I do  not  want  to  start  a grain  of  suspicion  in  your 
mind,  but  I must  say  : do  not  write  to  him  every- 
thing you  would  say.  Men  are  proverbially  care- 
less, and  you  do  not  know  whose  eyes  may  rest 
upon  your  letters,  and  strangers  might  find  in  them 
a source  of  amusement  that  would  be  extremely 
mortifying  to  you.  Then,  too,  while  you  may 
give  your  sweetheart,  for  his  own  special  pleasure, 
one  picture,  do  not  let  him  decorate  his  rooms 
with  innumerable  photographs  of  you  for  strangers^ 
eyes  to  rest  upon  and  strangers’  lips  to  criticise. 
Frenchmen  say  that  if  you  are  looking  for  the 
woman  a man  loves  you  will  not  find  her  picture 
in  his  room ; that  though  there  may  be  pictures  of 
many  other  women  there,  the  woman  of  his  heart 
cannot  be  found.  It  is  the  woman  who  is  not 
there  whom  he  loves. 


My  Sweetheart  and  / 


195 


ABOUT  YOUR  RELIGION 

Sometimes  you  tell  me  that  you  and  your  sweet- 
heart get  into  heated  religious  discussions.  If  I 
were  you  I wouldn’t  do  this.  No  man  was  ever 
convinced  of  the  beauty  of  religion  by  argument. 
You  must  make  your  faith  a living  one  to  impress 
your  lover  with  its  beauty  and  worth.  Your  re- 
ligion must  show  itself  in  your  every-day  life,  and 
by  your  works  he  will  know  how  great  and  beauti- 
ful a thing  it  is.  I do  not  think  that  happy  mar- 
riages ensue  when  people  have  exactly  opposite 
opinions,  and  very  decided  ones,  about  their  be- 
liefs, and  for  that  reason  I should  not  advise  your 
acceptance  of  a man  whose  faith  is  different  from 
your  own.  Many  a girl  will  tell  you  that  she 
knows  of  such  marriages,  but  a happy  marriage 
presupposes  similarity  of  thought  about  matters  of 
great  importance,  and  certainly  one’s  religion  is 
the  most  important.  Faiths  in  which  people  have 
been  born  and  educated  mean  much  to  them,  and 
a house  divided  against  itself  is  certain  to  fall. 
Into  the  religious  question  about  you  and  your 
sweetheart  comes  the  consideration  due  to  your 
father  and  mother,  and  I must  say,  in  answer  to 
many  of  my  girls,  that  I cannot  advise  them  to 
marry  against  the  wishes  of  their  parents.  I be- 
lieve that  if  a girl  will  tell  her  father  that  she  be- 


196 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


lieves  she  loves  a certain  man,  and  will  ask  why  he 
objects  to  him,  that  she  will  be  made  to  understand 
it  all.  Fathers  are  reasonable  creatures,  especially 
where  the  happiness  of  their  daughters  is  concerned, 
for  we  all  know  that,  though  they  may  have  a cer- 
tain pride  in  their  sons,  it  is  their  daughters  who 
always  get  closest  to  their  hearts. 

A TINY  SERMON 

To  the  girl  who  has  a sweetheart  I would  say  be 
as  careful  of  your  love  as  if  it  were  the  most  fragile 
china,  and  do  not  let  it  ever  be  nicked  in  any 
way,  for  you  want  nothing  less  than  a perfect  love. 
This  may  be  yours  if  you  will  guard  your  love. 
Your  love  may  be  as  ideal  as  you  please,  and  yet, 
because  love  itself  is  above  the  mere  things  of  earth, 
it  can  yet  govern  your  life  practically,  so  that,  for 
dear  love's  sake,  the  unkind  word  will  not  be  spoken, 
and  the  cruel  thought  will  never  enter  your  heart. 
Sometimes,  for  dear  love's  sake,  we  suffer,  but  the 
love  itself  is  so  well  worth  having,  that  one  can 
endure  the  pain.  To  you  and  your  sweetheart  I 
say  be  faithful,  be  true,  be  loving,  have  a great 
affection  for  the  friend,  with  the  great  love  that 
goes  to  the  sweetheart,  and  you  will  attain  that 
perfect  union  which,  on  the  day  when  you  two 
become  one,  will  show  itself  in  your  lover's  face, 
and  the  lookers-on  will  know  that  ‘‘the  heart  of 
her  husband  doth  safely  trust  in  her." 


THE  MANTLE  OF  CHARITY 

is  the  one  garment  the  fashion  of 
which  never  changes.  The  years  may 
go  and  come,  and  yet  she  who 
cloaks  herself  in  this  mantle  is  at 
once  happy  herself  and  the  giver  of  happiness.  In 
cut  it  never  alters.  It  is  always  large  and  full, 
so  that  it  can  envelop  those  who  are  unhappy  and 
give  them  warmth  and  comfort.  Like  the  cloak 
worn  by  the  prince  in  the  fairy  tale,  it  is  invisible 
to  all  but  those  whose  eyes  are  made  clear  by  faith. 
It  is  the  garment  that  I would  like  my  girls  to 
wear.  It  is  true  that  much  patience  and  much 
self-denial  are  required  before  this  cloak  is  put  on, 
as  it  should  be,  for  all  time  ; but  once  assumed, 
the  amount  of  joy  to  be  gotten  from  it,  and  the 
happy  heart -beats  to  the  wearers  of  it,  cannot  pos- 
sibly be  overestimated. 


193 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


UNDER  THE  GOOD  CLOAK 

It  is  almost  impossible  for  you  to  listen  to  un- 
kind words,  yet  I want  to  tell  you  of  the  different 
methods  of  repelling  gossip  should  it  come  to  you. 
This  kind  of  chatter,  which  isn’t  always  evil,  is, 
unfortunately,  the  beginning  of  that  gossip  which 
in  time  drifts  into  being  malicious,  and  induces 
the  speakers  to  think  that  a clever  thing,  even  if 
it  is  bitter  and  sarcastic,  is  right  and  proper  to 
say.  Now,  you  who  are  bright  and  merry  can 
stop  this  sort  of  talk  very  quickly,  and  the  best 
way  is  by  showing  not  only  an  absolute  indifference 
to  it,  but  by  being  so  quiet  that  your  stillness  at- 
tracts attention  ; then  it  will  soon  dawn  upon  the 
talkers  that  your  silence  means  scorn. 

^^But,”  says  my  bright  girl,  suppose  they 
are  saying  disagreeable  things  of  my  friend  ? ’ ’ 
Then,  of  course,  you  must  defend  her,  but  be  care- 
ful in  your  defence.  Make  it  a quiet  and  reason- 
able one,  and  not  an  excited  defence  that  is  with- 
out argument,  and  which  only  tells  how  much 
you  care  for  the  friend  against  whom  the  disagree- 
able words  are  being  said.  Sometimes,  more  is 
the  pity,  the  truth  is  told,  but  told  in  a hard,  un- 
kind way.  Then,  if  I were  you,  I should  say, 
^^That  is  true,  but  this  girl  is  my  friend,  and  I, 
for  one,  would  rather  not  hear  it.  Suppose  we 


The  Mantle  of  Charity 


199 


all  think  of  the  worst  about  ourselves  and  how  an 
account  of  it  would  sound  if  it  were  told.'^  In 
the  presence  of  scandal -mongers  take  under  your 
mantle  of  charity  all  those  people  whom  you  can 
defend,  and  show  your  contempt  for  evil-speakers 
by  defending  the  right  if  you  can ; or  by  keeping 
perfectly  quiet. 

FOR  EVERY-DAY  USE 

Not  just  for  festive  occasions.  For  your  cloak 
must  be  worn  all  the  time,  and  your  charity  must 
be  not  only  of  words  and  deeds,  but  of  looks.  A 
pleasant  smile  will  sometimes  make  a great  many 
people  feel  happy  when  before  they  were  all,  as 
the  children  say,  ^^as  cross  as  sticks.*^  Charity 
really  means  consideration.  When  you  go  into 
the  breakfast-room  you  may  wonder  that  your 
mother  is  quiet  and  seems  a little  troubled  and 
not  very  much  interested  in  the  idle  talk  of  the 
children.  Be  sure  that  to  mother’s  brain  come 
many  worries  and  frets  ; she  has  to  think  out  the 
arrangement  of  the  household ; she  has  to  con- 
sider how  best  the  limited  sum  of  money  can  be 
disposed  of,  and  so  you  must  bring  to  her  pres- 
ence all  the  consideration  you  can,  and  try  and  lift 
at  least  some  of  the  burdens  from  her  shoulders. 

You  are  employed  in  an  office;  you  may  find 
your  superior  a little  irritable,  inclined  to  be  fault- 


200 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


finding  and  showing  himself  anything  but  pleased 
at  the  morning  events.  Go  along  and  do  your 
work  properly  and  exactly ; when  spoken  to  an- 
swer pleasantly ; do  what  is  absolutely  right,  and 
if  fault  is  found  with  you  you  can  afford  to  forgive 
it  because  you  know  that  time  will  prove  all 
things.  While  you  have  a minute  to  think,  re- 
member that  you  sit  at  your  desk  or  your  type- 
writer, and  when  the  end  of  the  week  comes  draw 
your  salary,  and  the  only  responsibility  on  your 
shoulders  is  to  do  good  work,  whereas  your  em- 
ployer has  to  study  the  needs  of  the  market,  has 
to  submit  to  being  a loser  when  the  days  are  dull, 
and  bears  on  his  shoulders  the  burden  of  many  of 
you  who  simply  do  your  work  and  draw  your  sala- 
ries. Charity  toward  employers  is,  according  to 
the  newspapers,  out  of  fashion,  but  I like  to  think 
that  my  girls  know  how  valuable  it  is  in  its  use 
toward  every  one  with  whom  they  may  come  in 
contact. 

THE  ONE  WHO  NEEDS 

To  most  people  charity  represents  giving.  In 
reality  it  means  as  well  the  giving  of  kindly  words, 
of  material  help,  or  whatever  may  at  times  be 
needed.  Many  young  women  think  that  the  giv- 
ing of  a little  money  here  and  there  constitutes  all 
the  acts  of  charity  they  need  to  perform.  Now, 
giving,  from  a charitable  stand-point,  is  utterly 


The  Mantle  of  Charity 


201 


worthless  unless  it  is  accompanied  by  self-denial. 
Therefore,  make  the  purse  of  good  gifts  one  well- 
filled  with  acts  of  renunciation.  It  is  not  difficult 
to  deny  one’s  self  a little  pleasure  that  somebody 
else  may  be  made  happy,  and  I wish  very  much 
that  some  of  my  girls  could  know  how,  in  the 
working  world,  there  are  girls  to-day  who  are  busy 
and  happy  all  the  time,  and  yet  whose  earnings  go 
to  help  some  one  who  is  close  to  them,  or  to  make 
a home  for  one  of  their  own  who  needs  it.  How 
easy  ought  it  to  be,  then,  for  you  to  deny  yourself 
the  box  of  sweets,  the  gay  trip,  or  even  another 
bright  ribbon,  that  some  one  else  may  be  made 
happy.  You  ask  to  whom  shall  you  give.  First 
of  all  to  those  of  your  own  family  who  need.  If 
this  were  done  as  it  should  be  there  would  be  very 
few  poor  in  the  world.  Then  you  can  extend 
your  charity,  and  you  will  not  have  to  go  far  to 
seek  objects  for  it,  as  you  will  certainly  find  them, 
if  you  inquire,  close  at  hand. 


GIVE  WHAT  YOU  CAN 

If  you  do  not  have  the  luxuries  of  life,  if  you 
do  not  handle  much  money,  you  can  still  give  and 
give  lavishly,  because  you  can  give  of  your  kind. 
The  half-day  spent  in  helping  your  pretty  cousin 
to  make  her  gown,  the  hour  devoted  to  reading 
to  some  one  whose  eyes  are  not  quite  as  strong 


202 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


as  they  used  to  be,  and  the  cheerful  visit  paid  to 
some  one  who  is  ill — all  these  are  acts  of  charity 
that  will  stand  out  like  golden  stars  opposite  your 
name  on  the  judgment-book.  The  girl  who  won- 
ders listlessly  what  in  the  world  she  can  do  to 
help  anybody  need  only  open  her  eyes  very  wide 
and  she  will  quickly  discover.  In  every  family, 
in  every  neighborhood,  there  is  work  of  this  kind 
to  do,  and  while  it  would  not  be  called  charity 
work,  still  it  is  that,  for  charity  pitieth  much.  A 
few  cheerful  visits,  a few  kindly  actions,  and  a few 
cheerful  words  are  worth  more  than  all  the  pennies 
that  were  ever  collected  for  the  heathen.  For  we 
have  so  many  heathen  at  home,  and  the  best  way 
to  reform  them  is  by  example. 

ANOTHER  FORM  OF  CHARITY 

That  is  consideration  for  the  young  and  the 
awkward.  The  young  girl  or  boy  may  not  know 
just  the  fork  that  it  is  proper  to  use  to  eat  some 
special  dish  with,  and  you  are  doing  a kindly  act 
when  you  quickly  pick  up  yours  and  so  end  the 
embarrassment.  That  other  boy  who  in  the  parlor 
dance  or  the  game  always  seems  to  knock  things 
over  and  to  make  everybody  conscious  of  his  arms 
and  feet,  can,  by  a little  care  on  the  part  of  the 
considerate  girl,  be  guided  in  such  a way  that  he 
will  become  a pleasure  rather  than  a horror,  and 


The  Mantle  of  Charity 


203 


remembering,  after  his  departure,  how  easy  it  was 
to  be  graceful,  he  will  think  over  and  take  to  heart 
the  lesson  so  gently  given  to  him.  I tell  you,  my 
dear  girl,  there  can  be  no  happy  life  without  char- 
ity, and  you  not  only  want  to  pray  for  it  day  and 
night,  but  you  should  practise  it  so  persistently 
that  it  becomes  part  of  yourself.  When  you  hear 
somebody  say,  like  that  girl,  you  never  hear 
her  say  anything  disagreeable,  and  she  always 
makes  people  feel  comfortable,’’  conclude  that 
that  girl  has  simply  learned  the  beauty  of  charity, 
and  assuming  its  mantle  has  taken  under  its  shel- 
ter those  who  were  shy,  who  were  troubled,  or  in 
pain.  I do  not  think  a charitable  girl  reminds 
people  of  the  follies  that  have  brought  about  cer- 
tain results,  but  while  she  tries  to  cure  the  pain, 
and  eventually  succeeds,  she  lets  the  sufferer  think 
out  for  herself  how  it  all  came  about,  and  how  a 
pleasant  folly  was  succeeded  by  much  sorrow. 

Nobody  who  makes  a mistake  likes  to  be  told 
that  they  were  warned  about  it  before.  The 

I-told-you-so”  habit  is  one  that  is  more  un- 
charitable than  almost  any  other,  because  it  is 
unprovoked.  Your  friend  undoubtedly  thought 
that  she  was  doing  right,  and  when  she  makes  a 
mistake  it  becomes  your  place  not  to  remind  her 
of  what  led  up  to  it.  She  has  learned  her  lesson 
sadly  and  sorrowfully.  The  harsh  method  of 
treating  her  suffering,  of  tearing  her  wound  apart 


204 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


and  pouring  acid  upon  it,  is  not  that  which 
Christ  would  have  commended. 

THE  WAYS  OF  CHARITY 

Many  hundred  years  ago  the  God-Man  said 
that  only  those  who  were  without  sin  should  dare 
throw  a stone  at  a sinner.  So  you  who  are  going 
to  walk  in  the  ways  of  charity  must  learn,  first  of 
all,  to  control  your  tongue.  You  have  no  right 
to  judge  any  human  being.  You  know  nothing 
of  the  temptation,  you  know  nothing  of  the 
temperament  that  made  it  so  easy  to  yield,  and 
you  do  not  know  what  the  motive  was  when 
the  poor  sinner  first  started  to  do  what  afterward 
turned  out  to  be  all  wrong.  You  know  that  she 
told  a lie.  You  don’t  know  what  she  told  that 
lie  for.  That  it  was  wrong  nobody  can  doubt. 
Maybe  it  was  told  to  hide  poverty ; maybe  it  was 
told  to  protect  some  one  else ; maybe  it  was  told 
without  thought.  Nothing  can  make  it  right. 
But  be  a little  charitable  in  your  judgment.  Try 
and  put  yourself  in  that  girl’s  place,  and  if  you 
succeed  in  doing  that  you  will  be  surprised  to  dis- 
cover that  under  the  same  circumstances  you 
would  probably  have  done  much  worse. 

Sometimes  people  are  branded  with  sins  that 
they  do  not  commit ; but  the  world  accuses  them 
and  the  uncharitable  stand  afar  off  and  condemn. 


The  Mantle  of  Charity 


205 


and  the  noise  of  that  sin  is  heard  far  and  wide, 
and  there  is  no  one  to  speak.  Immediately  under 
my  own  eye  something  happened  not  long  ago 
that  proved  how  utterly  foolish  it  was  to  judge 
people  without  proof,  and,  indeed,  how  sinful  it 
was  to  judge  them  at  all.  A young  woman  at  a 
watering-place  lost  a brooch ; she  declared  it 
was  stolen,  and  insisted  that  she  believed  it  to 
have  been  taken,  not  by  some  of  the  servants,  but 
by  some  of  the  young  girls  in  the  house  who  had 
frequently  visited  her  room  and  admired  her 
jewels.  She  did  not  openly  accuse  these  girls, 
but  whispered  her  accusation  until  three  of  them 
found  themselves  almost  ostracized.  She  went 
away,  and  after  her  departure  one  of  these  girls 
appeared,  wearing,  as  it  was  said,  the  stolen  pin. 
This  was  house  gossip  for  a week,  and  at  the  end 
of  that  time  a woman  declared  her  intention  to 
speak  to  the  girl.  She  asked  her  where  she  got 
the  pin.  The  girl  told  her  it  had  been  sent  to 
her  by  her  father  for  a birthday  gift.  She  was 
then  told  that  it  was  believed  that  she  was  a 
thief.  Her  father  was  telegraphed  for,  and  when 
he  discovered  the  state  of  affairs  he  had  a detec- 
tive brought.  While  a close  search  was  being 
made  a letter  arrived  from  the  woman  who  had 
lost  the  pin.  In  it  she  said:  I forgot  to  tel] 

you,  but  three  weeks  ago  I found  my  brooch  hid- 
den away  among  some  lace  just  where  I had  put  it 


2o6 


Side  Talks  with  Girts 


myself.  Of  course,  it  wasn't  stolen,  and  I am 
sorry  anything  was  said  about  it."  It  was  a lit- 
tle late  to  be  sorry,  for  the  girl  who  had  been 
accused  of  being  a thief  was  lying  ill  with  a fever 
brought  on  by  excitement,  and  the  other  two  girls 
were  both  ill  with  nervous  attacks.  Surely  no 
one  in  that  house  wore  the  mantle  of  charity,  for 
there  hadn’t  been  a woman  to  defend  those  girls, 
and  almost  everyone  had,  without  a thought,  con- 
demned them.  The  ways  of  charity  are  broad, 
making  one  think  well  before  speaking,  and  always 
giving  to  the  one  accused  the  benefit  of  the  doubt. 

ANOTHER  WAY  OF  CHARITY 

You  think  the  way  to  Heaven  requires  the 
walking  over  a certain  path  of  belief.  Your 
neighbor  believes  that  it  is  approached  by  an- 
other, and  her  neighbor  by  still  another.  You 
all  have  faith  in  the  same  great  truths  and  only 
differ  in  a few  forms.  Yet,  if  a discussion  should 
arise,  one  would  think  from  the  way  you  speak 
that  your  neighbor  worshipped  graven  idols,  and 
that  into  her  religion  there  came  nothing  that  was 
beautiful,  or  good,  or  lovely.  You  bitterly  con- 
demn her  ideas  in  regard  to  music,  or  whether  she 
should  kneel  or  stand  when  praying  to  the  good 
God,  and  you  wonder  how  in  the  world  she  can 
expect  a happy  hereafter  when  she  doesn’t  elect  to 


The  Mantle  of  Charity 


207 


follow  certain  ceremonies  here.  Now,  judge  your- 
self. What  must  God  think  of  you?  He  said 
that  in  His  Father’s  house  there  were  many  man- 
sions. May  there  not  be  many  paths  leading  to 
them  ? And  you  who  claim  to  be  upon  the  right 
one,  so  faj:  forget  the  very  first  of  the  virtues  of 
pure  religion,  charity,  that  you  condemn  your 
neighbor.  She  goes  along  her  way  pouring  oil 
upon  the  wounds  of  the  sick,  giving  drink  to 
those  who  thirst  and  a helping  hand  to  whoever 
may  need  it,  while  you  do  not  hesitate  to  say  that 
her  way  is  wrong.  I don’t  like  to  think  that  any 
one  of  my  girls  is  like  this,  and  yet  youth  is  in- 
clined to  be  severe. 

Charity  should  pervade  the  whole  of  life,  just 
as  the  fresh  odor  of  the  trees  fills  the  air  with  a 
thousand  sweet  scents.  It  should  make  the  words 
that  you  say  better,  the  deeds  that  you  do  worthier, 
and  so  permeate  every  act  of  your  life  that  to  the 
world  at  large  you  yourself  seem  an  outward  sign 
of  goodness  and  kindness.  Truly  it  is  a beautiful 
thing,  the  possession  of  this  virtue.  Faith  and 
hope  stand  beside  it,  but  lo,  it  is  the  greatest  of 
all.  You  and  I will  pray  for  it,  so  that  life  may 
become  more  beautiful. 


) EAUTY  of  body  and  face,  which  is 
much  to  be  desired,  constitutes  a 
letter  of  introduction  to  the  people 
one  meets,  but  does  nothing  beyond 
that.  A woman  who  seems  to  be  beautiful  may 
become  absolutely  ugly  by  showing  herself  to  be 
ill-tempered,  vain,  or  malicious.  Wrinkles  upon 
the  face  are  very  often  the  result  of  bad  passions. 
The  mouth,  my  dear  girl,  draws  down  at  the 
corners  from  malice  ; the  eyes  grow  small  by  the 
lids  coming  together  when  one  is  possessed  of  a 
cunning  curiosity  ; the  chin  doubles  itself  from 
gluttony,  and  the  cheeks  incline  to  fold  over  when 
one  allows  one’s  self  to  grow  cross  and  to  speak 
with  shrill,  high  notes.  The  strain  that  results 
from  speaking  loudly  causes  the  muscles  of  the 
throat  to  over-develop,  and  makes  it  look  stringy 
and  unfeminine. 

So,  first  of  all,  she  who  would  be  charming 
ncxust  remember  that  the  woman  who  allows  her 


Voe  Physical  Life  of  a Girl 


209 


temper  to  control  her  will  not  retain  one  single 
physical  charm.  It  is  said  that  gluttony  and  anger 
will  deform  a face.  The  greatest  charm — that 
something  which  we  feel  and  yet  cannot  explain, 
is  what  is  best  described  as  beauty  of  expression. 
It  delights  the  eye,  but  it  cannot  exist  where 
there  are  low,  sordid  feelings,  and  when  encour- 
agement is  not  given  to  everything  that  is  high 
and  noble,  pure  and  womanly.  After  one  has 
cultivated  these  virtues  and  made  them  one’s  own, 
then  it  is  necessary  to  study  the  physical  side  of 
life.  Fortunately  you  are  starting  out  in  life  with 
no  inherited  disease,  and  with  everything  in  your 
favor,  therefore  what  remains  for  you  to  do  is  to 
learn  the  laws  of  life,  and  to  live  up  to  them. 
The  treatment  you  give  your  body  shows,  and  so 
you  must  take  special  care  of  the  casket  holding 
that  jewel,  your  soul. 

ABOUT  YOUR  BATH 

Your  skin  and  your  eyes,  my  dear  girl,  constitute 
the  thermometer  that  tells  whether  you  are  well, 
physically,  or  not.  If  your  skin  has  little  spots  upon 
it,  is  dull  to  look  at  and  feels  dry,  and  your  eyes 
have  a glazed  appearance,  with  yellowish  whites, 
then  be  sure  it  is  time  to  think  whether  you  are 
living  rightly  from  the  physical  stand-point.  Now, 
what  does  your  morning  bath  amount  to  ? Do  you 
14 


210 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


dab  over  your  face,  whirl  the  cloth  around  your 
neck,  carefully  bathe  your  hands,  and  then  go  out 
of  the  bathroom  fully  satisfied  that  you  are  quite 
clean  ? There  are  thousands  of  girls  who  consider 
this  all  that  is  necessary,  and  yet,  as  the  old  darky 
mammy  would  say,  That’s  nothing  more  than  a 
lick  and  a promise.”  There  are  few  American 
houses  in  which  there  is  not  a bathroom,  and  if  one 
is  so  unfortunate  as  to  live  in  a boarding-house 
where  one  has  not  a private  bath  there  will  be  wis- 
dom in  paying  a little  extra  for  the  privilege  of 
having  the  bathroom  to  one’s  self  at  a certain  hour, 
and  saving  this  on  car  fares.  My  dear  girl,  I know 
exactly  what  this  is,  and  it  is  not  a woman  who 
has  never  lived  in  a boarding-house  who  is  talk- 
ing to  you.  Therefore,  I say  take  five  minutes  to 
yourself  and  scrub  that  tub  out  well  with  soap  and 
water  before  you  get  into  it.  I do  not  recommend 
for  any  girl  in  this  country  a perfectly  cold  bath. 
American  women  are  inclined  to  be  nervous  and 
are  not  over-strong,  consequently  the  wisest  thing 
to  do  is  to  plunge  into  water  that  is  tepid,  and 
which,  when  one  gives  one’s  self  a thorough  rub- 
bing, will  not  cause  the  much-to-be-dreaded  cold. 
This  morning  bath  is  taken  for  cleanliness,  and  it 
is  the  only  way,  unless,  indeed,  one  stands  up  and 
is  carefully  sponged,  by  which  one  can  be  sure  of 
perfect  physical  sweetness.  Use  soap  ? Plenty  of 
it.  But  this  soap  need  not  be  of  an  expensive 


The  Physical  Life  of  a Girl 


21 1 


kind,  and  the  wise  girl  is  that  one  who  chooses 
the  simplest  quality  and  that  which  is  not  scented. 
A hot  bath,  which  is  desirable  at  least  twice  a 
week,  should  be  taken  at  night,  and  the  tired 
girl  will  be  surprised  to  find  not  only  how  rest- 
ful it  is,  but  how  perfectly  delicious  her  own  body 
feels  when  she  lies  down  and  the  eyelids  gradu- 
ally fall  over  the  eyes  weary  of  looking  all  the  day 
long.  The  cheap  napery  that  is  sold  makes  a good 
wash-cloth,  for  you  must  remember  that,  while  the 
sponge  is  desirable  in  the  bath,  something  more 
than  a sponge  is  required  to  make  one  absolutely 
clean.  By  the  bye,  a light  quality  of  flannel,  one 
combining  cotton  with  wool,  is  also  recommended 
for  a wash-cloth.  It  is  only  after  one  has  grown 
accustomed  to  the  morning  bath  that  one  realizes 
all  that  it  means ; how,  in  the  best  way,  it  wakens 
one  up  mentally  and  physically,  and  starts  one 
out  ready  to  begin  the  work  of  another  day. 


AFTER  THE  BATH 

After  you  have  bathed  and  dressed  yourself,  put- 
ting on  underwear  sufficiently  warm,  but  not  heavy, 
arranging  your  stays  so  that  they  are  well  fitting, 
but  not  tight,  and  having  a gown  out  of  which  all 
the  dust  has  been  shaken,  so  that  none  of  it  will 
seek  a refuge  in  your  skin,  you  go  to  your  break- 
fast. And  what  do  you  eat  ? First  of  all,  oat- 


212 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


meal,  because  you  have  heard  it  is  healthy.  Now, 
oatmeal  is  good  for  a big,  strong  man  who  is  out 
in  the  open  air  a great  deal ; for  a woman  who  is 
not,  it,  first  of  all,  has  a tendency  to  cause  a greasy 
skin,  and  in  time  to  upset  the  digestion.  In  addi- 
tion, nine  times  out  of  ten  oatmeal  is  not  well  cook- 
ed— it  is  served  in  lumps,  whereas,  when  properly 
boiled,  it  should  be  like  good  rice,  each  grain 
being  absolutely  separate  from  the  other.  Then, 
do  you  eat  the  oatmeal  properly  ? More  than  any 
other  food  it  requires  to  be  well  chewed,  or  else  it 
will  solidify  and  form  an  indigestible  and  heavy 
lump  in  the  stomach.  Physicians  say  that  oatmeal 
that  is  swallowed  whole  is  more  to  be  dreaded  than 
meat  taken  in  pieces  at  a gulp.  If  you  are  really 
found  of  a cereal,  then  choose  cracked  wheat,  which 
is  not  as  heating  as  oatmeal,  is  more  easily  digested, 
and  is  more  generally  well  cooked.  That  the 
brawny  Scotchman  is  a wonder  of  health  upon  an 
oatmeal  diet  is  not  denied,  but  he,  unlike  you,  is 
taking  much  exercise,  and  spends  nearly  all  his 
time  in  a wonderful,  bracing  air.  After  this  you 
elect  to  have  some  beefsteak.  In  the  first  place 
that  should  have  been  broiled,  and  the  only  gravy 
about  it  should  have  been  that  which  comes  from 
the  meat  itself.  And  then  you  ask  for  a well-done 
piece.  Oh,  dear  ! There  you  have  made  three 
mistakes.  Beef  is  not  fit  to  eat  when  it  is  cooked 
until  the  juice  is  gone  out  of  it  and  it  is  dry — in 


The  Physical  Life  of  a Girl 


213 


the  way  of  giving  you  strength  you  might  as  well 
choose  sole-leather  for  your  breakfast  dish.  It  is 
always  possible  to  ask,  if  you  wish  to  eat  meat  in 
the  morning,  for  an  underdone  bit  and  one  which 
has  no  gravy  upon  it ; but  to  keep  you  in  good 
condition  I would  advise  your  having  as  much  toast 
as  you  care  to  eat,  and  instead  of  meat  one  or  two 
soft-boiled  eggs.  You  will  not  find  these  heavy, 
and  they  are  nourishing,  while  at  the  same  time 
they  are  helps  to  one’s  digestion.  It  may  be  taken 
as  a good  rule  that  to  keep  the  complexion  in  order, 
while  one  may  eat  good  things  and  encourage 
the  appetite,  all  grease  should  be  avoided,  as  well 
as  overdone  meats  and  any  great  quantity  of  sweets 
or  sauces.  If  one  is  inclined  to  be  stout,  potatoes 
and  all  starchy  foods  are  omitted  from  the  bill  of 
fare,  but  for  the  slender  woman  all  foods  of  this 
kind  are  desirable.  Your  dinner  will  neither  build 
you  up  nor  make  you  comfortable  unless  you  eat  it 
properly,  and  when  I say  properly,  my  dear  girl, 
I mean  the  exact  opposite  of  the  way  you  usually 
eat  yours.  You  must  cultivate  eating  slowly ; then 
your  food  will  be  well  chewed,  will  be  easy  to 
digest,  and  during  the  time  that  you  have  been 
eating  your  body  will  have  been  resting. 


214 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


ABOUT  YOUR  WALKS 

Many  of  the  books  that  I have  read  giving  sug- 
gestions about  walking,  do  not  hesitate  to  talk 
about  five  miles  a day  as  being  proper  exercise. 
Now,  there  are  a great  many  of  us  who  couldn’t 
walk  five  miles  one  day  without  being  laid  up  for 
the  next.  Personally,  while  I regard  walking  as 
good  exercise,  I think  it  is  more  apt  to  do  one 
good  when  it  is  taken  either  with  an  object  at  the 
end  of  the  walk  or  in  pleasant  companionship. 
Over-quick  walking  is  not  good  for  anybody,  and 
the  time  to  stop  walking  has  been  reached  before 
one  gets  tired.  Tennis,  golf,  and  croquet  are  all 
healthy  out-of-door  games,  and  I advise  my  girls 
to  indulge  in  them  as  far  as  possible,  always  with 
a proviso  that  their  love  for  the  game  does  not 
make  them  stay  at  the  sport  too  long,  nor  in  their 
excitement  must  they  allow  themselves  to  be  too 
energetic.  As  I have  never  ridden  a bicycle  I 
can  say  very  little  about  it,  only  I cannot  believe 
that  it  is  wise  for  one  to  overdo  any  good  thing, 
no  matter  how  charming  it  may  seem  at  first.  I 
wish  that  all  my  girls  would  learn  to  walk  well ; 
good  walking  means  neither  to  stride  nor  to  hop, 
but  to  place  the  front  part  of  the  foot  deliberately 
on  the  ground,  allowing  the  heel  to  follow,  and 
then  to  take  a step  in  proportion  to  the  length  of 


The  Physical  Life  of  a Girl 


215 


one’s  legs.  Dancing,  when  one  does  not  do  too 
much  of  it,  and  when  it  is  limited  to  a well-aired 
parlor  in  one’s  home,  is  a gentle,  desirable  exer- 
cise. Much  good  may  come  from  the  exercises  in 
a gymnasium,  but  so  many  young  girls  overdo  ath- 
letics nowadays  that  I almost  fear  advising  them. 

THE  VALUE  OF  RUBBING 

The  old-time  remedy,  a thorough  rubbing,  is 
now  a fashionable  one  under  many  names,  massage 
being  the  usual  one.  A good  rubbing  is  the  best 
remedy  for  the  tired  body  ; but  that  rubbing  must 
be  given  evenly  and  quietly,  and  the  patient  must 
not  be  allowed  to  talk.  To  the  worn-out  girl 
who  cannot  sleep  a few  pennies  are  well  spent 
when  this  mode  of  gaining  rest  is  chosen  in 
preference  to  opiates.  The  arms,  the  back,  under 
the  knees,  and  the  forehead  should  all  have  even 
rubbing,  made  smoother  by  the  hands  of  the  rub- 
ber having  a little  cocoa  butter  or  vaseline  upon 
them.  If  one  is  fortunate  enough  to  be  with 
one’s  own  people,  then  a sister,  or,  better  still,  the 
mother,  will  be  the  masseuse.  In  addition  to  giv- 
ing one  a good  rest  a rubbing  tends  to  develop 
the  body  and  to  make  it  more  supple.  The  rub- 
ber is  advised  to  cultivate  a very  even,  impressive 
movement,  but  while  it  suggests  strength  it  must 
not  be  rough,  else  sleep  or  rest  will  never  come, 
and  excitement  be  the  only  result. 


2i6 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


When  the  head  and  eyes  are  tired  a systematic 
smoothing  of  the  hair,  which,  of  course,  must  be 
loosened  and  have  all  its  pins  taken  out,  is  a great 
relief.  The  eyes  may  be  rested  by  being  dabbled 
with  hot  water — remember,  gently  dabbled  with 
an  old  handkerchief,  not  with  cold  water,  and  not 
rubbed.  Rubbing  will  irritate  them,  when  the 
soft  pressure  of  a good  dabbling  will  relieve  them 
very  much.  As  soon  as  there  is  the  slightest  evi- 
dence of  a weakening  on  the  part  of  the  eyes  go  to 
a good  oculist.  Economize  as  you  will,  but  if 
you  can,  keep  your  eyesight. 

ABOUT  YOUR  MEDICINES 

If  one  is  ill  it  is  proper  to  go  to  a doctor.  And 
the  doctor  should  be  sought  at  the  very  begin- 
ning of  the  illness,  so  that  a cure  may  come 
sooner.  However,  there  are  various  little  med- 
icines that  one  may  keep  among  one’s  belong- 
ings for  the  little  troubles  that  are  certain  to 
come,  and  which  are  easily  cured.  For  the  girl 
who  suffers  from  indigestion  there  is  to  be  taken 
from  April  until  September,  whenever  it  may 
be  needed,  for  it  is  not  recommended  for  cold 
weather,  the  creamy  mixture  of  sulphur  and  mo- 
lasses. This  will  clear  the  eyes,  make  the  skin 
white  and  firm,  and,  unless  the  trouble  should  be 
of  long  standing,  put  the  stomach  in  good  condi- 


The  Physical  Life  of  a Girl 


217 


1 


tion.  A good  prescription  for  slight  indigestion 
is  the  drinking,  just  before  breakfast,  of  a glass 
of  tepid  water,  in  which  a teaspoonful  of  or- 
dinary table-salt  has  been  dissolved.  Then,  of 
course,  among  your  medicines  will  be — and,  by- 
the-by,  it  is  rather  odd  to  count  it  a medicine — a 
rubber  bag  which  will  hold  plenty  of  hot  water, 
and  which  is  used  to  warm  your  feet,  or  to  draw 
away  the  pain  from  any  part  of  your  body  which 
can  be  soothed  by  this  heat.  If  you  have  a slight 
inclination  to  rheumatism,  keep  two  small  flannel 
bags  filled  with  coarse  salt,  and  when  the  pain  first 
comes  heat  these  by  putting  them  in  the  oven,  and 
then  lay  them  where  the  pain  is  worst.  As  they 
give  a very  dry  heat  they  are  to  be  preferred  to 
that  which  comes  from  the  hot-water  bag  for 
either  rheumatism  or  neuralgia.  In  a small  bottle 
is  myrrh,  for  you  will  use  a few  drops  of  this  in 
the  water  with  which  you  rinse  your  mouth,  mak- 
ing it  taste  well  and  smell  sweet.  I do  not  believe 
in  dosing  one’s  self,  but  there  are  some  simple 
teas  that  are  good  to  take,  and  which  every  girl 
should  know  about,  so  that  she  may  be  permitted 
to  doctor  herself  for  ordinary  ailments.  Very 
often  the  best  medicine  is  a day  of  rest.  I do  not 
mean  an  idle  day ; I mean  one  when  one  deliber- 
ately goes  to  bed,  if  possible  sleeping  most  of  the 
time,  but  at  least  not  talking,  and  certainly,  as  far 
as  possible,  not  thinking  about  one’s  worries. 


2lS 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


THE  MIND  AND  THE  BODY 

I want  my  girls  to  understand  thoroughly  the 
close  relation  that  exists  between  the  mind  and  the 
body.  With  the  body  uncared  for  it  does  not 
seem  as  if  the  mind  could  be  in  good  order.  And 
surely,  when  one  has  bad  thoughts  and  bad  man- 
ners the  body  will  cease  to  be  beautiful.  The 
best  motto  for  you  to  take  in  regard  to  your  body 
is  ‘‘Be  clean.'' 

Many  of  us  are  unhappily  handicapped  from  birth 
by  ill-health.  Then  all  that  we  can  do  is  to  try 
and  keep  as  well  as  possible,  and  to  determine 
that  the  weakness  of  the  body  shall  not  be  reflected 
upon  the  mind.  When  “one's  back  is  bad  and 
one's  legs  are  queer,"  then  to  make  an  effort  to 
forget  this  and  to  fill  the  mind  so  full  of  cheerful- 
ness that  the  looker-on  will  believe  one  beautiful 
is  the  greatest  heroism.  My  dear  girl,  take  care 
of  yourself ; try  and  keep  well  and  cheerful.  Few 
people  die  from  overwork.  Many  lose  their  good 
looks  from  idleness  and  sulkiness.  It  is  said  that 
it  is  better  to  wear  out  than  to  rust  out.  Now, 
you  and  I are  not  anxious  to  do  either  in  a hurry, 
but  we  will  join  hands  and  resolve  that,  being 
happy,  healthy,  and  wise,  we  will  make  ourselves, 
physically  and  mentally,  a joy  to  all  those  who 
love  us,  or  whom  we  love. 


A STRANGER  IN  A STRANGE 
LAND 

’S  what  you  are,  you  and  I.  We 
^e  come  to  this  great  city  to  earn 
• bread  and  butter,  and  the  people 
loved  and  who  loved  us,  the  peo- 
ple who  had  kindly  thoughts  of  us,  the  people  who 
were  interested  in  our  hopes,  our  joys,  and  our 
sorrows,  are  all  left  behind.  And  we  are  facing  a 
new  world.  Now,  how  shall  we  do  it  ? Shall  we 
perform  our  tasks  indifferently,  returning  home  to 
mope  and  be  unhappy,  and  refusing  to  find  any- 
thing good  in  life  because  the  dwellers  in  this  new 
land  do  not  put  out  the  hand  of  good-fellowship  ? 
If  that  is  what  we  intend  doing,  you  and  I,  we 
may  as  well  make  up  our  minds  that  we  will  re- 
main strangers  forever.  There  is  an  old-fashioned 
song  that  says,  ’Tis  home  where  the  heart  is,’* 
and  you  and  I must  remember  that  we  can  carry 
home  in  our  hearts  and  find  it  wherever  we  are  if 
we  will  only  remember  that  God  is  in  his  Heaven, 
and  that  all  goes  well  on  earth. 


220 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


IN  GOOD  SOCIETY 

Surely  we  need  not  count  ourselves  as  among 
the  dwellers  in  tents  when  we  can  build  a beauti- 
ful mansion  in  which  love  and  friendship  may  be 
enshrined.  You  who  are  without  hope  say  to  me, 

We  are  two  strange  girls  who  are  working  to 
earn  our  bread,  and  who  live  in  a small  room  in 
a boarding-house.  How  can  we  get  into  society — 
no  one  wants  to  know  us  ? ’ ’ Now  I,  who  am  a 
bit  hopeful,  laugh  at  you  and  answer,  There  is 
every  reason  why  people  should  want  to  know  us. 
We  are  bright  in  wit  and  we  are  healthy  in  body. 
These  things  make  us  agreeable  companions. 
Then,’^  I continue,  call  up  some  of  your  honest 
pride,  and  remember  that  ^ where  MacGregor  sits, 
there  is  the  head  of  the  table,*  consequently  that 
where  you  and  I are  is  good  society.  ’ * 

In  the  first  place  it  isn’t  wise  to  solidify  one’s 
self  into  an  ice-block  and  refuse  to  know  any- 
body. In  finding  the  flowers  one  must  come  across 
some  weeds.  To  make  pleasant  acquaintances  you 
and  I will  have  to  go  through  some  experiences 
that  are  probably  not  quite  pleasant.  In  the  office 
where  I work  there  is  a pretty  girl,  who,  after 
twenty-four  hours  of  acquaintance  with  me,  de- 
clares that  she  never  before  met  anybody  for 
whom  she  cared  so  much,  is  eager  to  tell  me  all 


A Stranger  in  a Strange  Land 


221 


her  affairs,  and  insists  on  introducing  me  to  some 
of  her  friends  by  bringing  them  to  our  boarding- 
house. She  appears,  accompanied  by  a pleasant 
young  man,  who,  after  he  has  been  there  a little 
while,  discovers  that  I have  heard  of  somebody 
whom  he  knows  well — this  world  is  a very  small 
place — and  so  he  goes  on  to  talk  about  his  friend 
to  me,  and  the  girl  who  was  going  to  love  me 
forever  becomes  sulky  and  disagreeable,  insists  on 
going  home,  and  the  next  morning  at  the  office 
declines  to  speak  to  me,  on  the  ground  that  I tried 
to  attract  one  of  her  admirers.  Now,  that  was 
the  wrong  way.  I ought  to  have  waited  a week 
at  least,  three  months  certainly,  before  I allowed 
myself  to  believe  that  this  extreme  affection,  so 
suddenly  born,  was  real. 

FRIENDSHIP  WORTH  HAVING 

You  complain  that  the  girl  who  sits  next  to  you 
is  cold  toward  you.  She  says  a pleasant  good- 
morning to  you,  remarks  something  about  the 
weather,  and  during  the  day,  if  it  is  in  her  power, 
very  quietly  shows  you  how  the  work  is  done. 
You  complain  that  she  is  not  sympathetic.  Why 
should  she  be  when  she  knows  nothing  at  all  about 
you  ? Gradually  the  weeks  go  by,  and  one  even- 
ing you  find  on  your  desk  a couple  of  tickets  for  a 
concert  given  by  some  club  to  which  she  belongs. 


222 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


and  a little  card  saying  that  she  hopes  you  will 
bring  me.  We  go  together,  and  after  the  concert 
is  over  she  introduces  her  sister,  and  possibly  her 
brother  to  us.  Perhaps  two  weeks  later  we  are 
asked  to  spend  an  evening  with  her,  listen  to  some 
music,  and  have  a bit  of  supper.  Her  home  is  only 
a little  flat,  but  her  mother  is  there,  and  the  whole 
place  is  fragrant  with  an  essence  of  hospitality. 
Months  and  years  may  pass,  and  that  girl,  though 
we  may  become  great  friends  or  simply  pleasant 
acquaintances,  will  never  be  as  effusive  as  the 
young  woman  who  was  in  the  office  with  me,  but 
she  will,  as  the  friendship  grows,  prove  that  her 
affection  is  worth  having  and  therefore  worth  win- 
ning. An  acquaintance  made  with  great  ease  is 
usually  dropped  in  the  same  rapid  way.  Time 
does  wither  it,  and  custom  proves  its  undesirability. 
Do  you  see  what  I mean  ? 


AT  THE  BOARDING-HOUSE 

It  is  so  difficult  to  know  how  to  do  what  is  just 
right  here.  Neither  you  nor  I want  to  sit  at  the 
table  like  disagreeable  mummies  and  say  nothing, 
so  what  shall  we  do  ? I have  no  trouble  in  decid- 
ing that  I prefer  to  go  from  the  table  to  a book, 
and  have  nothing  more  than  a mere  bowing  ac- 
quaintance with  any  of  the  people  there.  But 
you,  who  are  a sociable  little  creature,  you,  who 


A Stranger  in  a Strange  Land  223 


wonder  what  pleasure  I find  in  books,  would  like 
to  know  about  the  pretty  girl  who  sits  opposite  to 
you,  and  if  the  young  man  next  her  is  really  in 
love  with  her,  and  whether  the  young  matron  at 
the  end  of  the  table  makes  all  her  pretty  gowns, 
or  if  she  doesn^t  how  she  occupies  her  time.  You, 
who  represent  the  general  woman,  want  to  know 
your  kind,  and  be  of  them.  You  are  perfectly 
right  in  saying  that  I,  in  my  love  for  solitude  and 
books,  am  different.  You  become  acquainted 
with  the  pretty  girl ; she  introduces  to  you  two  or 
three  of  the  young  men;  you  meet  the  young 
matron,  and  at  night  you  are  all  down  in  the 
parlor  laughing  and  having  as  merry  a time  as 
possible.  Then,  after  a while,  there  comes  the 
little  rift  within  the  lute ; the  gossip  of  the  house 
— there  always  is  one — whispers  to  you  that  the 
matron  laughs  at  your  countrified  dresses ; that 
the  young  girl  is  jealous  of  you,  and  that  they 
think  there  must  be  something  queer  about  me  be- 
cause I prefer  to  keep  to  myself.  The  gossip  in  a 
boarding-house  is  always  dramatic,  and  she  credits 
people  who  merely  want  to  be  left  alone  with  hav- 
ing some  frightful  past.  You  come  up  to  me  and 
cry  as  if  your  heart  would  break,  and  all  I can  say 
to  you  is,  My  dear,  it  isnT  worth  it ; take  the 
pleasure  out  of  it  all  as  you  do  the  cream  from  the 
milk  and  let  the  rest  go.  Sometimes  in  a board- 
ing-house an  acquaintance  becomes  a friend,  but 


224 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


it  is  only  occasionally  that  this  happens,  so  regard 
these  people  as  you  do  the  pleasure  of  the  moment. 
Get  from  your  intercourse  with  them  all  that  you 
can,  innocently,  and  refuse  to  see  or  hear  the  dis- 
agreeable side. ' ' After  we  have  had  a little  ex- 
perience we  learn  the  absolute  unstability  of  sudden 
friendships,  whether  made  in  the  office  or  in  the 
parlor.  We  know  by  heartaches  and  tears  shed, 
by  disappointments  and  facts,  that  friendship  is  a 
plant  of  very  slow  growth,  and  that  it  must  be  as 
tenderly  cared  for  as  the  finest  orchid. 


AT  THE  CHURCH 

You  have  brought  from  your  clergyman  at  home 
a letter  of  introduction  to  a clergyman  in  the  city. 
You  present  it.  He  is  genial  and  kind  and  tells 
you  that  he  must  find  you  some  friends  among  the 
congregation.  You  go  regularly  to  church,  to 
Sunday-school,  and  to  prayer-meeting,  but  at  the 
end  of  three  months  you  know  as  many  people  as 
you  did  when  you  first  came.  Your  clergyman 
has  been  to  call  on  you,  but  you  were  out ; his 
wife  came  to  visit  you,  and  the  same  thing  hap- 
pened. You  did  not  take  the  trouble  to  tell  him 
that  you  were  busy  all  day,  and  so  both  he  and 
his  wife  came  at  the  wrong  time.  You  think  very 
black  thoughts  about  ministers  who  are  paid  big 
salaries  and  pay  no  attention  to  their  parishioners, 


A Stranger  in  a Strange  Land  225 


and  how  different  it  is  with  your  dear  old  clergy- 
man at  home.  Of  course  it  is.  A stranger  comes 
to  him  about  once  in  six  months,  but  to  the  city 
clergyman  they  come  every  day.  He  has  done 
his  best  in  trying  to  see  you  and  in  sending  his 
wife  to  call  upon  you.  You  have  not  returned 
her  call,  nor  after  prayer-meeting  have  you  intro- 
duced yourself  to  her.  I begged  you  to  do  it,  for 
how  else  could  she  possibly  know  you  ? One  Sun- 
day there  was  a demand  for  some  helpers  at  a con- 
cert to  be  given  to  amuse  the  boys  in  a down-town 
mission.  You,  who  sing,  or  who  play,  or  who 
read,  or  who  would  even  be  of  some  use  in  taking 
the  tickets,  do  not  volunteer,  and  yet  there  was 
your  opportunity  to  meet  pleasant  people  and  to 
gain  some  pleasant  acquaintances. 

You  do  not  speak  to  the  girl  who  sits  next  to 
you  in  the  Bible  class  because  she  is  dressed  fash- 
ionably, and  you  fancy  that  she  is  disagreeable 
and  arrogant.  Now  it  may  happen  that  she  is 
just  as  shy  as  you  are,  and  that  she  is  only  waiting 
to  have  a question  asked  to  induce  her  to  say 
something,  but  you  set  your  teeth  and  look  disa- 
greeable. My  dear  girl,  fine  clothes  do  not  al- 
ways cover  a hard  heart,  nor  shabby  clothes  a ten- 
der one.  When  you  speak  as  scornfully  as  you 
do  about  ^^fine  clothes  and  hard  hearts’^  lam 
surprised  at  your  narrowness  alike  of  heart  and 
brain.  I have  known  people  with  the  meanest 

15 


226 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


sort  of  pride  who  were  shabbily  dressed,  and 
others  who  had  the  tenderest,  most  loving  hearts 
hidden  under  rich  apparel. 


ABOUT  OUR  MANNERS 

You  and  I think  that  we  know  all  about  good 
manners,  and  yet,  just  as  the  cut  of  the  gown  and 
the  shape  of  the  hat  in  the  big  city  differ  from 
those  worn  in  the  little  town,  so  there  are  some 
customs  that  are  different,  and  if  we  wish  to  gain 
a social  position  we  must  notice  and  imitate  them. 
I may  be  none  the  less  a clever  woman,  and  yet 
drink  my  tea  from  a cup  with  my  spoon  in  it ; 
but  my  cleverness  would  amount  to  very  little  if  I 
did  not  discover  that  people  generally  do  not  do 
this.  You  may  be  as  pretty  as  possible,  but  peo- 
ple will  forget  your  prettiness  if  they  see  you  cut- 
ting your  asparagus  and  eating  it  from  a fork 
rather  than  from  the  stalk  held  in  your  fingers. 
These  are  little  things,  but  the  little  things  that 
you  and  I must  learn  if  we  wish  to  be  something 
more  than  mere  strangers. 

Then,  when  in  answer  to  a letter  of  introduc- 
tion, somebody  who  could  be  of  help,  socially,  to 
both  of  us  calls  on  us,  leaving  a card  on  which  her 
reception-day  is  engraved,  we  make  the  mistake 
of  returning  her  visit  on  some  other  day  only  to 
be  told  that  she  is  not  at  home.  Now,  the  wisest 


A Stranger  in  a Strange  Land  227 


thing  to  do,  as  we  cannot  go  upon  her  day  at 
home,  is  to  write  her  a pleasant  little  note,  telling 
her  that  we  are  busy  women,  that  we  cannot  come 
upon  her  day  at  home,  and  asking  if  she  will  per- 
mit us  to  come  at  some  other  time.  You,  who 
claim  to  be  very  independent,  say  that  you  will 
not  give  in  to  her  in  this  way.  That  is  ridicu- 
lous. She  is  a woman  older  than  either  of  us, 
and  respect  is  due  to  her  for  that  reason  if  for 
no  other.  Then,  too,  we  have  sought  her  in  pre- 
senting the  letter,  and  if  we  wish  to  continue  the 
acquaintance  and  to  gain  her  friendship,  we  must 
make  it  plain  to  her  just  how  we  are  situated.  Be- 
ing a kindly  woman  she  asks  us  to  come  and  have 
a cup  of  tea  on  the  home  day,  Sunday,  or  else  she 
invites  us  on  some  special  evening,  and  then  we 
become  acquainted  with  her.  So  you  see  our  man- 
ners in  regard  to  cards  and  letters,  as  well  as  at  the 
table,  have  much  to  do  with  our  gaining  friends. 


A FALSE  PRIDE 

You  say  you  are  sensitive.  I say  you  are  fool- 
ish. When  any  one  seems  to  overlook  you,  you 
claim  it  is  because  you  are  earning  your  living. 
Now  I insist  that  that  has  nothing  to  do  with  it. 
It  is  because  there  is  something  in  you  that  doesn’t 
attract  this  person.  People  are  liked  socially  for 
what  they  are  and  what  they  can  give  and  not  for 


228 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


what  they  do.  When  I say  ^^give’*  I do  not 
mean  in  its  ordinary  sense,  but  I do  mean  in  the 
sense  of  being  generous  with  pleasant  words,  and 
by  showing  an  interest  in  whatever  is  going  on. 
You  have  the  wrong  kind  of  pride  about  your 
work.  You  say,  with  a curl  of  the  lip  and  a 
toss  of  the  head,  to  some  one  who  has  just  been 
introduced  to  you,  and  who  it  is  most  likely  will 
be  only  a five  minutes’  acquaintance,  ^‘Oh,  I 
am  a working-woman.  ” Now,  that  is  none  of 
her  or  his  business.  Strangers  are  not  interested 
in  it,  and  you  have  no  right  to  thrust  your  pri- 
vate affairs  upon  them.  It  is  quite  as  vulgar  to 
talk  continually  of  one’s  poverty  as  it  is  to  flaunt 
one’s  riches,  and  indeed,  sometimes  I think  it  is 
the  more  vulgar  of  the  two. 

FOR  YOU  AND  ME 

So  for  you  and  me,  who  are  strangers  in  a 
strange  land,”  there  are  many  things  concerning 
which  we  must  be  careful  if  we  wish  to  gain  and 
to  keep  a social  position.  First  of  all  we  must 
be  careful  in  making  friends,  and  I think  it  is  al- 
ways wise  to  beware  of  the  new  acquaintance  who 
is  over-familiar  and  over-confidential.  Then, 
too,  we  must  take  advantage  of  what  we  can  bring 
from  home,  that  is,  the  letter  of  introduction  to 
the  clergyman,  and  to  the  various  ladies  who  may 


^ stranger  in  a Strange  Land  229 


be  friends  of  long  ago  of  our  home  people.  Then, 
too,  we  must  remember  that  there  is  no  letter  of 
introduction  equal  to  a pleasant  manner,  and  no 
way  to  keep  a friend  so  certainly  as  to  refuse  to 
listen  to  disagreeable  things  about  her.  It  is  pos- 
sible that  we  may  be  misunderstood.  People  are  in 
too  much  of  a hurry  to  read  carefully  every  life 
book,  but  we  can  try  to  do  what  is  right,  be  hon- 
orable and  true,  and  our  friends  will  last  and 
prove  worth  having. 

I am  only  going  to  say  to  you  one  word  about 
making  the  acquaintance  of  young  men,  and  I am 
going  to  speak  very  plainly.  Let  these  friends 
come  through  the  women  you  meet,  for  then  you 
will  be  more  certain  of  their  being  proper  men 
for  you  to  know  than  if  you  yourself  had  met  them 
in  a casual  manner.  I think  if  we  try,  you  and  I, 
in  a quiet  way  and  without  expecting  to  gain 
everything  at  once,  we  will  make  for  ourselves  a 
pleasant  circle  of  acquaintances,  from  among  whom 
we  can  cull  two  or  three  friends.  Surely  this 
would  be  good  fortune,  and  having  achieved 
this,  which  will,  of  course,  take  some  time,  we 
shall  be  in  positions  to  put  out  our  hands  and 
help  some  other  girl  who  is  ‘ ^ a stranger  in  a 
strange  land,”  remembering  the  day  when  we 
ourselves  were  strangers. 


[1 


THE  YOUNG  WIFE’S  FIRST  YEAR 


ERY  many  of  my  girls  were  last  June’s 
brides,  and  yet  they  have  been  lov- 
ing and  kind  enough  to  ask  that  they 
may  still  be  on  the  list  to  which  they 
belonged  before  the  title  of  mistress  ” was  put 
before  their  names. 

As  the  days  go  by  it  dawns  on  the  mind  of  the 
young  wife  that  the  man  she  loves  is  regarding  her 
no  longer  as  an  angel,  no  longer  as  a bit  of  Dres- 
den china,  and,  just  at  first,  she  is  surprised.  No- 
body has  told  her  that  the  first  year  of  her  married 
life  would  be  the  most  difficult  one.  During  that 
time  she  must  learn  what  it  is  to  be  a companion 
to  her  husband.  She  must  remember  that  she  has 
entered  into  his  life,  that  she  must  be  his  comrade 
through  good  fortune  and  through  bad,  and  en- 
courage him  to  look  at  the  best  side  of  life  and  al- 
ways to  hope  when  it  is  dark  for  sunshine  in  the 
future.  The  years  or  months  of  courtship  have 
not  made  these  two  people  acquainted  with  each 
other.  The  little  bit  of  temper  that  was  so  care- 


The  Young  Wife's  First  Year 


231 


fully  concealed,  the  habit  of  saying  some  hasty 
little  word  that  was  subdued,  and  the  undesir- 
able method  of  being  unpunctual  and  a bit  careless 
that  was  hidden — all  these  are  gradually  discov- 
ered during  the  first  year  of  one’s  married  life. 
And  no  matter  how  much  a wife  may  suffer  (and 
she  certainly  will)  she  must  learn  to  control  her- 
self, and  to  bear  as  much  as  possible  with  her  hus- 
band’s weaknesses.  The  advanced  woman  may 
think  that  this  sounds  very  weak  and  not  at  all 
progressive.  Perhaps  it  is  not,  but  very  certainly 
it  is  the  only  way  that  one  can  become  a good 
wife,  and  a happy  one. 


HIS  LITTLE  WAYS 

Perhaps  the  husband  you  so  much  love  is  in- 
clined to  be  untidy  ; to  throw  a scarf  there  and  a 
piece  of  soiled  linen  here;  to  lay  a book  down 
where  it  does  not  belong,  and  to  leave  a pile  of 
photographs  in  disorder,  so  that  it  really  requires 
some  trouble  to  arrange  them.  Now  the  wisest 
thing  to  do  is  to  say  nothing  about  the  careless 
ways,  but  after  the  lord  and  master  has  departed 
to  take  a little  time  to  put  everything  back  in  its 
place.  It  is  much  better  to  give  that  time  and 
that  little  extra  work  than  it  would  be  to  find 
fault,  for  while  the  first  words  of  fault-finding 
might  be  listened  to  with  a certain  amount  of 


232 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


grace,  the  next  might  be  met  with  frowns  and  the 
next  with  disagreeable  words.  And  then  just  as 
certain  will  come  the  first  quarrel. 

And  when  two  people  who  love  each  other 
quarrel  they  can  say  more  bitter  words  to  each 
other  than  any  people  in  the  world.  Your 
husband  will  go  away  feeling  that  you  do  not 
care  for  him ; you  will  cry  until  your  head  aches, 
and  all  because  you  refused  to  take  a little  bit  of 
trouble.  Think  of  the  trouble  that  he  takes  for 
you ; think  of  the  many  hours  when  business 
cares  are  upon  his  shoulders  about  which  you 
know  nothing ; and  thinking  of  this  remember 
that  all  he  asks  of  you  is  to  be  a good  housewife. 

THE  FIRST  QUARREL 

It  will  surely  come.  Two  healthy  people  are 
bound  to  differ  about  something,  and  all  that  I 
can  advise  you  to  do  when  it  does  appear  is  to  say 
that  you  are  sorry  and  you  hope  that  it  will 
never  happen  again.  No  matter  if  you  are  in  the 
right,  do  this.  You  are  in  the  wrong  for  quarrel- 
ing, and  you  can  apologize  for  that.  Be  sure  that 
your  husband  will  find  out  where  he  was  wrong, 
and  after  your  little  request  for  forgiveness  he  will 
make  his.  Then,  when  you  feel  inclined  to 
quarrel  the  next  time,  don’t  do  it.  Don’t  set 
your  teeth  and  close  your  lips  and  make  up  your 


The  Young  Wife's  First  Year 


233 


mind  that  you  will  hold  your  tongue,  but  speak. 
A sullen  silence  is  as  bad  as  a quarrel. 

If  Jack  has  found  fault  with  you  about  some- 
thing you  have  left  undone  tell  him  you  are  sorry 
and  you  will  do  better  in  future.  Say  this  with  a 
laugh,  and  give  a loving  kiss  after  it,  and  to  your 
surprise  no  quarrel  will  follow.  If  you  disagree 
tell  him  with  a smile  to  find  out,  when  he  is  down 
town,  which  of  you  is  right,  but  that  you  don't 
intend  to  have  any  ugly  words  about  it.  If  things 
have  gone  wrong  in  the  household,  and  he  sees 
the  effect  without  knowing  the  cause,  tell  him  the 
reason  why.  Don't  be  afraid  of  your  husband. 
Don't  practise  any  small  deceits  with  him,  and 
then  the  kind  words  and  the  loving  words  will 
take  the  place  of  those  that  lead  to  unhappiness. 

YOUR  HUSBAND’S  MOTHER 

I will  not  call  her  your  mother-in-law.  I like 
to  think  that  she  is  your  mother  in  love.  She  is 
your  husband's  mother,  and  therefore  yours,  for 
his  people  have  become  your  people.  There  have 
been  vulgar  jests,  ridiculous  songs  and  coarse  puns 
about  the  husband's  mother  ever  since  any  of  us 
can  remember,  but  in  how  many  households  is  the 
husband's  mother  an  angel,  not  in  disguise,  but 
appreciated  and  loved  ? Now,  will  you  take  my 
advice  and  call  her  what  your  husband  does  ? 


234 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


Will  you  treat  her  just  as  you  do  your  own  mother, 
not  being  afraid  to  tell  her  of  your  little  affairs, 
receiving  her  as  one  of  your  own,  and  making 
her  feel  happy  in  the  fact  that  she  has  not  lost  a 
son  but  has  gained  a daughter,  and  a loving,  con- 
siderate daughter  ? Will  you  remember  this,  too — 
that  before  you  came  your  husband  was  all  in  all 
to  his  mother  ? And  sometimes  when  she  comes  to 
see  you,  won’t  you  leave  these  two  alone,  and  let 
them  talk  together  as  they  did  before  the  two  be- 
came a trio?  Don’t  make  it  evident  that  you  are 
doing  this,  but  go  off  for  a little  while  and  attend 
to  some  of  your  household  duties.  You  will  be 
loved  all  the  better  for  it,  and  be  sure  that  if  any- 
thing is  said  about  you  the  words  will  only  be 
those  of  appreciation  and  love. 

Don’t  make  your  husband’s  mother  an  utter 
stranger,  receiving  her  in  the  drawing-room,  and 
changing  all  your  arrangements  so  that  she  may  be 
treated  exactly  as  if  she  were  a formal  visitor. 
You  do  not  do  it  with  your  own  mother.  When 
she  pays  you  a visit  she  comes  up-stairs  where  you 
are  busy  working,  and  if  she  feels  like  giving  a 
helping  hand  you  take  it ; if  not,  she  chatters  and 
gossips  while  you  are  sewing,  and  both  of  you  have 
a pleasant  morning.  If  she  sta)^s  to  dine  or  lunch 
with  you,  you  may  make  a little  change,  putting 
some  special  delicacy  on  the  table.  Still  you  do 
not  treat  her  as  you  would  a visitor  from  far  off 


The  Young  IVife's  First  Year 


235 


whom  you  know  slightly.  And  you  must  not,  if 
wish  to  retain  her  love  and  sympathy,  receive  your 
husband’s  mother  in  any  other  way.  Listen  to  her 
words  of  advice,  think  them  over,  and  if  you  do 
not  believe  it  is  wise  to  follow  them  give  her  your 
reasons  for  this.  Don’t  ignore  the  wisdom  that  she 
has  gained  by  experience.  Somebody  asks,  Shall 
she  be  a slave  to  her  husband’s  people!  ” Cer- 
tainly not.  No  good,  loving  woman  ever  was  a 
slave  when  she  did  what  was  right.  But  no 
good,  loving  woman  ever  treated  the  mother  that 
she  has  gained  by  marriage  in  the  way  that  I have 
seen  some  mothers  treated — mothers  who  wished  to 
give  to  their  sons’  wives  exactly  the  same  love  and 
sympathy,  to  show  the  same  kindness  and  give  the 
same  active  help  that  they  have  always  given  to 
their  own  daughters. 

TO  KEEP  QUIET 

Remember  that  what  you  learn  about  your  hus- 
band’s family  is  to  be  kept  to  yourself ; that  when 
you  married  him  and  took  his  name  you  became 
one  of  the  family,  and  the  little  trouble,  the  little 
skeleton,  is  not  to  be  discussed  with  the  members 
of  the  family  of  which  you  were  born.  To  your 
sister  it  may  mean  nothing  that  some  trouble  has 
come  to  your  husband’s  brother.  You  may  tell  it 
to  her  in  secrecy,  and  it  may  seem  of  so  little  im- 


236 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


portance  that  she  will  repeat  it  to  her  sister-in- 
law,  and  gradually  what  was  meant  to  be  a secret 
is  told  all  round  the  neighborhood.  The  art  of 
keeping  to  yourself  what  you  hear  on  each  side  of 
the  house  is  one  that  you  must  cultivate,  for  it 
means  the  keeping  of  peace.  Surely  you  would 
not  wish  to  hurt  your  husband,  and  yet  you  will 
do  it  if  you  cannot  realize  the  importance  of 
silence. 

When  you  enter  his  mother’s  house  anything 
that  is  told  to  you  in  confidence  must  be  forgotten 
when  you  leave  it,  unless,  indeed,  it  is  discussed 
with  your  husband,  and  the  same  rule  will  apply 
to  your  own  family.  Don’t  imagine  that  every 
little  frown,  every  little  disagreeable  word  is 
meant  for  you,  and  do  not  retail  to  your  husband 
anything  unpleasant  that  may  have  happened  when 
you  were  visiting  at  his  mother’s  house.  Think 
that  she  is  your  mother,  too,  and  give  her  the 
privilege  of  speaking  to  you  as  your  mother  does. 
I know  it  isn’t  always  easy  to  have  fault  found  with 
one  when  one  is  trying  to  do  one’s  best,  but  think 
over  what  was  said,  if  there  is  anything  helpful  in 
it,  and  let  the  rest  go.  Respect  your  husband’s 
mother  as  you  do  your  own,  and  the  respect  will 
beget  love  and  confidence  as  well  as  happiness  for 
you  both,  in  the  new  life  and  the  new  home. 


The  Young  Wife* s First  Year  237 


THE  VICE  OF  CURIOSITY 

It  is  very  ignoble,  and  before  you  were  married 
you  would  have  been  inclined  to  scorn  any  one 
who  told  you  that  you  would  have  been  curious 
about  the  secrets  in  your  husband’s  family ; that 
you  would  have  been  eager  to  learn  of  the  trouble 
that  came  to  one,  of  the  wrong  deed  of  another, 
or  of  the  mortification  to  which  another  member 
of  the  family  had  to  submit.  Now,  my  dear 
girl,  crush  this  desire  to  know  unpleasant  things. 
Make  up  your  mind  that  you  are  going  to  know 
about  each  one  that  which  is  best,  and  refuse 
to  let  outsiders  give  you  any  information  about 
the  family  into  which  you  have  just  entered. 
If  some  low-minded  person  (for  that  is  what  such 
person  would  be)  should  offer  to  do  this,  decline 
to  listen,  and  if,  against  your  will,  an  effort  is 
made  to  tell  you,  leave  the  room.  At  such  a 
time  rudeness  becomes  right.  If  your  husband 
wishes  you  to  know  any  of  these  things,  be  sure 
he  will  tell  you. 

Put  yourself  in  his  place.  You  haven’t  told  him 
about  the  young  man  who  first  made  love  to  your  sis- 
ter and  then  left  her ; about  the  uncle  who  did  some- 
thing that  was  not  quite  honest,  or  whatever  else  it 
may  be  that  is  one  of  the  family  horrors,  and  why 
should  you  expect  him  to  tell  you  ? And  is  it  not  in- 


238 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


considerate  in  you  to  make  an  effort  to  find  out  those 
things?  My  dear  girl,  don’t  soil  your  mind  with 
such  knowledge,  and  don’t  lower  yourself  morally 
by  cultivating  and  encouraging  a vile  curiosity. 
Be  eager  to  know  the  best  about  your  husband’s 
kin.  See  the  best  and  tell  of  it,  and  when  they  do 
— these  people  who  bear  your  husband’s  name — 
some  kind  act,  don’t  forget  to  tell  those  from 
whom  you  came  about  it,  and  never,  no  matter 
what  may  happen,  carry  an  unkind  story  about 
your  husband’s  mother  to  the  mother  who  bore 
you.  If  she  be  wise  she  would  not  listen.  But 
sometimes  extreme  love  makes  people  unwise,  and 
she  might  forget  to  reprimand  her  daughter  for 
talking  about  things  that  it  would  be  wiser  to  for- 
get. Learn  to  control  your  ears  as  well  as  your 
tongue ; be  only  eager  to  hear  words  of  praise 
rather  than  words  of  blame. 

A LITTLE  THING 

Some  morning  when  Jack  goes  down  town 
there  is  a perplexed  look  on  his  face,  and  when  he 
kisses  you,  you  think  he  does  it  rather  as  a matter 
of  habit  than  desire,  and  like  the  loving  little 
goose  that  you  are,  you  go  up-stairs  and  have  a 
hard  cry,  concluding  that  your  husband  has  ceased 
to  love  you.  Now  that  is  all  nonsense.  If  you 
have  been  a wise  little  woman  your  husband  loves 


The  Young  Wife's  First  Year 


239 


you  to-day  a thousand  times  better  than  he  did 
during  the  honey-moon.  But  while  he  was  put- 
ting on  his  coat  he  remembered  some  business 
perplexities,  and  when  he  said  good-by  he  was 
thinking  of  them.  Instead  of  crying  you  ought  to 
be  glad  that  he  thinks  it  worth  while,  in  these 
days  when  many  men  are  thoughtless,  to  care  to 
earn  comforts  and  luxuries  for  you.  The  kiss  does 
become  a habit,  but  none  the  less  is  it  a loving 
habit. 

Forget  all  about  the  perplexed  look  on  his  face, 
be  ready  and  full  of  good  cheer  to  meet  him  when 
he  returns,  and  in  your  society  let  him  find  such 
companionship  that  the  down-town  troubles  will 
be  forgotten,  and  the  worries  will  be  worries  no 
longer,  because,  after  all,  the  surmounting  them 
means  making  a home  which  is  a nest  of  blissful 
refuge.  DonT  be  afraid  to  let  your  husband  be 
familiar  with  the  home.  Dress  yourself  as  prettily 
as  you  like  for  dinner,  but  let  him  lay  aside  the 
business  suit  and  put  on  a loose  jacket,  let  him 
don  soft  slippers,  and  be  as  comfortable  as  he  can 
while  he  is  enjoying  his  dinner.  Let  home 
and  you  mean  rest.  I don't  mean  that  he 
shall  forget  the  word  politeness,  but  I do  mean 
that  after  the  long,  toilsome  day  he  shall  be  per- 
mitted to  have  rest  of  body  and  mind.  Perhaps 
he  may  want  to  take  you  out  to  some  place  of 
amusement,  perhaps  not.  If  he  does,  go  with 


240 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


good  will  and  enjoy  it,  this  pleasure  that  he  has 
provided  for  you.  If  not,  make  yourself  happy  in 
your  home,  and  make  that  home  a pleasant  place 
for  his  friends  to  come.  If  you  do  this  he  will  not 
seek  his  friends  outside. 

Most  women  forget  the  value  of  making  friends 
of  their  husbands'  friends.  Possibly  there  may  be 
one  or  two  whom  you  dislike  with  good  reason. 
Don't  show  this  dislike,  but  after  a while  tell  your 
husband  of  the  faults  or  the  weaknesses  that  you 
have  noticed,  and  you  two  may  either  form  a band 
to  help  the  man,  or  if  he  thinks  it  wise,  gradually 
drop  his  acquaintance.  No  man  wishes  his  wife 
to  be  surrounded  by  men  who  are  not  desirable. 

It  seems  to  me  that  your  motto  for  this  first  year 
should  be  that  very  old-fashioned  one,  Be 
patient."  Be  always  patient,  and  in  time  the 
fruits  of  your  patience  will  be  a happy  home,  a 
loving  husband,  respect  from  your  friends,  and 
respect  and  love  from  all  who  are  united  to  you  by 
the  ties  of  law  and  love. 


THE  YOUNG  HUSBAND’S  FIRST 
YEAR 

HE  stands  beside  you  a wonderful  vis- 
ion in  white  satin  and  orange  blos- 
soms, so  beautiful  that  you  can  find 
no  words  in  which  to  express  your 
admiration,  and  so  lovely  that  it  seems  as  if  the 
English  language  were  not  rich  enough  for  you  to 
tell  of  your  love.  She  seems  something  too 
bright  and  good  for  every-day  life,  and  as  you 
are  promising  to  care  for  her  you  think  to  your- 
self how  unnecessary  is  this  vow,  for  caring  for 
such  a beautiful  object  can  only  be  a never-ending 
delight.  She  looks  so  exquisite  you  wonder  if  she 
can  possibly  belong  to  ordinary,  every-day  life, 
and  you  think  that  you  must  put  her  on  a pedes- 
tal and  fall  down  and  worship  her.  Then,  for  a 
little  while,  you  are  off  on  an  idyllic  journey. 
During  that  time  you  have  a blissful  feeling  when 
you  arrange  her  wraps  about  her,  and  you  would 
burden  yourself  with  any  number  of  bundles  and 

i6 


242 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


bags  if  she  needed  them.  And  then — and  then — ■ 
you  come  back  to  the  little  nest  that  is  going  to 
be  home  to  you,  and  you  make  a wonderful  dis- 
covery. It  is  that  this  marvellous  creature,  this 
exquisite  being,  this  dream  is,  after  all,  only  a 
woman.  If  she  had  been  an  angel  she  wouldn’t 
have  married  you.  She  is  human  and  therefore 
she  has  her  weaknesses  and  her  little  faults,  and 
these  you  will  have  to  be  introduced  to  and  you 
will  have  to  have  patience  with  them.  You  will 
have  to  learn  to  understand  her  and  them  during 
this  first  year  of  your  married  life. 


BOTH  OF  YOU 

It  is  a hard  time  for  both  of  you.  She 
knows  little  of  the  peculiarities  of  man,  and 
you  know  nothing  of  the  weaknesses  of  woman. 
All  during  the  honey-moon  there  were  kisses 
and  smiles,  and  pretty  words  and  dainty  com- 
pliments, and  now  that  you  are  back  home, 
that  you  have  taken  up  your  business  life,  that 
you  are  indeed  living  the  ordinary  life  of  a man, 
you  forget  some  of  these  affectionate  acts.  You 
come  home  in  the  evening  to  be  greeted  by  a wife 
whose  eyes  are  fiery  red,  whose  lip  quivers,  and 
who  cannot  speak  without  bursting  into  tears. 
What  is  the  matter  ? As  you  rushed  away  to 
catch  the  car  in  the  morning  you  forgot  to  kiss 


The  Young  Husband's  First  Year  243 


her  good-by  and  tell  her  that  you  hoped  she 
would  be  happy  all  the  day  long.  It  is  a little 
thing,  to  be  sure,  but  you  trained  her  to  this 
caress  during  the  honey-moon,  and  you  hurt  her 
feelings  when  you  leave  her  without  a word  now. 
A woman,  my  friend,  is  not  an  angel,  but  she  is  a 
sensitive  being  who  likes  to  have,  as  a wife,  the 
expression  of  affection  that  you  gave  her  as  a 
sweetheart,  and  during  that  happy  month  after 
she  was  a bride. 

THE  FINDING  FAULT 

She  thinks  it  is  queer  that  you  didn’t  discover 
that  she  possessed  all  these  faults  before  you  mar- 
ried her.  And  she  wonders,  as  she  sits  by  herself 
and  stares  out  of  the  window,  why,  if  she  had  so 
many  faults,  anybody  ever  cared  for  her.  It 
is  true  that  the  breakfast  was  very  bad.  It  is 
also  true  that  she  has  had  four  or  five  cooks 
within  the  last  two  months,  but  she  is  trying  her 
very  best  to  get  a good  one,  and  she  does  wish 
that  you  would  encourage  her  a little  bit  in  her 
troubles  and  not  find  fault  with  her  all  the  time, 
especially  this  morning  when  her  head  aches  as  if 
it  would  split.  She  could  have  said  some  very 
nasty  things  to  you  when  you  spoke  to  her,  but 
she  tried  not  to,  and  then  you  called  her  sulky. 
And  she  wonders  if  men  ever  have  headaches  as 
women  do.  And  her  back  aches,  too,  and  still 


244 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


she  must  discharge  that  cook,  who  she  knows  will 
be  impertinent  to  her.  And  she  wonders  what 
the  next  one  will  be  like.  I think  you  might 
have  had  a little  patience  with  her.  It  is  true 
your  mother’s  household  runs  like  a perfectly 
oiled  machine,  but  then  your  mother  has  been 
keeping  house  for  fifty  years,  and  this  little  girl, 
who,  in  her  white  satin  and  orange  blossoms  a 
couple  of  months  ago,  you  thought  must  be  an 
angel,  has  only  been  experimenting  a short  time. 
Just  remember  that,  physically,  women  are  not 
as  strong  as  men,  and  that  a headache  that  makes 
her  eyes  burn  and  a backache  that  makes  her 
wonder  if  she  can  walk  upstairs,  sometimes  come 
to  her,  forcing  her  to  be  conscious  of  nothing  but 
her  physical  misery.  It  isn’t  necessary  for  you  to 
say  that  you  like  the  bad  breakfast,  but  you  can 
encourage  her,  and  hope  that  she  will  soon  have 
a better  cook,  and  you  could  remind  her  that  these 
are  the  early  days  of  her  housekeeping.  That  is 
where  your  strength  ought  to  come  in.  That  is 
the  time  when  you  should  represent  to  her,  not 
only  her  husband,  but  her  helper. 

HER  LITTLE  WAYS 

Of  course  she  has  them.  And  it  is  just  possible 
that  some  of  them  may  not  suit  you.  But  don’t 
you  think  it  would  be  rather  nicer  for  you  to 


The  Young  Husband's  First  Year  245 


talk  them  over  quietly  with  her  than  show  your- 
self a barbarian  and  permit  your  angry  passions 
to  rise?  If  you  don’t  like  them  tell  her  the 
reason  why.  She  is  a reasonable  creature,  and 
she  loves  you  well  enough  to  prefer  to  do  what 
you  like,  if  what  you  like  is  right.  You  are  a 
bit  set  in  your  ways  yourself,  but  she  doesn’t 
find  fault  with  you,  and  you  can  keep  your  hand- 
kerchiefs in  the  top  drawer,  or  in  the  second 
one,  as  you  please,  and  she  will  not  object.  But 
if,  for  some  pretty  little  idea,  she  takes  all  your 
handkerchiefs  and  puts  them  in  a perfumed  sachet, 
why  need  you  get  so  cross  with  her  ? And  why 
need  you  insist  upon  her  having  certain  things  to 
eat  upon  certain  days  ? Why  need  you  insist  on  her 
liking  strange  people  or  saying  that  she  likes  them 
when  she  does  not  ? She  is  sweet,  and  amiable, 
and  loving,  and  hospitable  to  all  who  bear  your 
name,  but  you  can’t  expect  her  to  be  attracted 
at  once  by  Tom  Brown,  who  is  an  old  friend  of 
yours,  but  whose  manners  are  extremely  brusque, 
and  who  greets  her  with  this  salutation,  Well, 
Mrs.  Bride,  I suppose  none  of  his  friends  will  ever 
see  your  husband  now.”  She  is  anxious  for  you 
to  keep  your  friends,  and  she  is  hurt  when  this 
is  said  to  her,  and  surely  you  can’t  blame  her  for 
it.  Find  out  all  her  little  ways  and  be  patient 
with  them  when  they  are  little  ways  that  you 
don’t  like.  And  then  be  sure,  for  dear  love’s 


246 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


sake,  she  will  make  her  ways  your  ways,  and  life 
will  be  happier  all  around. 


THAT  FILTHY  LUCRE 

If  anybody  had  told  you  that  you  would  be 
stingy  to  your  own  wife,  you  would  have  cut  him 
dead.  And  yet,  when  the  summer  time  passed 
and  the  autumn  days  were  over,  and  the  winter 
bonnets  came,  it  wasn’t  very  nice  of  you,  when 
she  said  something  about  getting  a new  bonnet, 
to  say,  ‘ ‘ Why,  I thought  you  had  eight  or  ten 
bonnets  in  your  trousseau.”  And  I don’t  think 
it  is  very  nice  in  you  to  ask  her  to  tell  you  ex- 
actly how  she  spent  the  household  money.  A 
woman,  my  friend,  will  economize  closely  for 
the  man  she  loves,  but  that  man  has  no  right  to 
conclude  that  she  isn’t  a partner  in  the  purse. 
You  are  wise  in  giving  her  a regular  sum  for  her 
household  expenses,  but  if  you  are  both  wise  and 
loving  there  will  be  another  little  purse  that  you 
will  fill,  unasked,  for  her  personal  expenses.  I 
say  this,  and  yet  the  woman  I know  best  said 
that  she  never  minded  asking  her  husband  for 
money ; that  she  loved  him  well  enough  to  know 
that  he  wouldn’t  refuse,  and  that  she  didn’t  ask 
him  unless  she  wanted  it.  Still,  I think  if  you 
are  a generous-minded  man,  you  will  never  let 
your  wife  ask  you  for  money,  and  so  never 


The  Young  Husband's  First  Year  247 


make  her  feel  that  what  she  has  fe  not  hers  by 
right.  She  earns  it  just  as  much  as  you  do,  for 
she  makes  a home  for  you,  and  she  gives  you 
such  happiness  as  can  come  from  no  other  woman. 
Don’t  do  as  some  men,  let  a woman  make  bills 
all  over  the  town  and  never  give  her  any  money ; 
but  let  her  learn  the  value  of  money  by  handling 
it ; let  her  realize  what  it  means  ; let  her  delight 
in  buying  for  you,  with  the  money  that  is  hers, 
something  for  your  birthday,  or  for  Christmas, 
or  to  introduce  a New  Year  of  love. 

YOUR  WIFE’S  MOTHER 

You  wish  her  to  love  your  mother ; then  you 
must  show  the  same  kindly  feeling  to  hers.  Think 
it  all  out,  and  realize  how  close  a girl  is  to  her 
mother;  how  my  mother”  represents  consola- 
tion and  wisdom  to  her  ; how  she  goes  to  mother 
with  her  grief  and  her  happiness,  and  remember 
that  you  have  to  be  not  only  husband,  but  mother, 
for  you  must  be  so  tender  to  her  that,  with  her 
head  on  your  breast  and  your  arms  about  her,  she 
will  tell  her  troubles  and  her  worries,  her  joys  and 
her  pleasures,  and  not  only  look  for,  but  receive 
sympathy  from  you.  And  then,  when  her  mother 
is  there,  be  gentle  and  considerate  of  her.  She 
has  given  you  her  companion  and  her  little  helper, 
and  be  sure  that  there  has  been  many  a lonely 


248 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


hour  for  her  since  that  gay  wedding  day.  So  re- 
member that  you  owe  her  thanks  that  must  express 
themselves  in  a pleasant  manner  and  in  courteous 
speech.  None  of  us  can  love  people  at  once,  but 
making  up  our  minds  to  care  for  them  will  make 
affection  come,  and,  best  of  all,  stay.  If  once  in 
a while  your  wife  should  quote  her  mother,  listen 
to  this  patiently,  for  do  not  forget  that,  to  the 
good  daughter,  her  mother  represented  wisdom 
before  she  even  knew  you.  Men,  my  friend,  are 
not  thankful  enough  to  mothers. 

A PHASE  OF  TEMPER 

She  had  the  headache.  When  you  asked  her 
something  she  answered  with  a certain  amount  of 
indifference,  and  you  grew  silent  and  sulky.  At 
night,  when  you  came  home,  she  had  forgotten  all 
about  it ; there  was  a dainty  dinner  for  you,  and 
a bright,  happy-looking  wife  to  greet  you,  and  you 
were  still  sulky.  You  thought  it  due  your  dignity 
to  make  her  comprehend  that  she  could  not  ignore 
a speech  of  yours.  What  a miserable  dignity  that 
is  ! I can’t  imagine  it  belonging  to  anybody  but 
a schoolboy,  and  yet  you  claim  to  be  a man.  She 
came  up  to  kiss  you,  and  you  drew  away,  and  she 
wondered  what  was  the  matter  with  you.  You 
ate  your  dinner  and  seemed  to  enjoy  it,  but  you 
didn’t  speak.  After  dinner  you  read  the  evening 


The  Young  Husband's  First  Year  249 


paper.  By  the  next  morning  your  lordship  con- 
descended to  say  a word  or  two,  and  the  poor  lit- 
tle woman  was  so  glad  that  she  cried  with  delight. 
And  you  thought  of  your  own  importance,  and 
felt  that  you  had  given  her  a lesson  that  she  de- 
served. It  was  like  breaking  a butterfly  on  a 
wheel.  You  ought  to  feel  mean.  It  is  a great 
pity  that  you  caii't  see  yourself  in  a mental  look- 
ing-glass, that  you  might  realize  how  mean,  and 
poor,  and  contemptible  you  are,  and  how  unmanly 
it  is  to  take  revenge  on  a woman.  It  would  have 
been  a deal  better  to  say  to  her  that  you  didn’t 
like  the  way  she  spoke  to  you ; then  you  would 
have  heard  the  reason  for  it,  and  you  would  have 
parted  with  a kiss,  and  everything  would  have 
been  all  right. 

It  is  never  unmanly  to  speak  a loving  word,  to 
give  expression  by  kiss,  or  by  gesture,  to  your  af- 
fection, and  the  strongest  and  the  bravest  men 
that  have  lived  were  those  who  did  not  fear  to  tell 
their  wives  how  much  they  loved  them.  Many 
women  are  hungry  for  loving  words,  and  they  are 
so  easily  said  ! You  may  argue  to  yourself  that 
you  love  her  just  as  much,  even  if  you  don’t  say 
so.  My  dear  boy,  she  doesn’t  know  that ; she  is 
not  a mind-reader,  and  so  you  must  take  just  a few 
minutes  every  day  to  make  your  wife  understand 
that  you  love  your  wife  better  than  you  ever  did 
your  sweetheart. 


250 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


THE  TENDERNESS  OF  A MAN 

That  is  your  best  side.  When  you  are  manly 
enough  to  be  womanly,  and  to  be  charitable  to 
the  physical  and  mental  side  of  your  wife.  You 
laugh  with  disdain,  as  is  proper,  at  woman’s  suf- 
frage ; then  you  must  understand  that  the  woman 
who  is  not  capable  of  taking  the  position  of  a 
man  in  the  world  requires  from  men  a deal  of 
consideration.  Perhaps  the  time  will  come  when 
the  little  wife  may  whisper  to  you  that,  with  the 
summer  time,  there  will  be  somebody  else  for  you 
to  love.  Now  comes  the  time  for  you  to  show 
your  manliness.  You  can’t  possibly  know  all  that 
that  means  to  her,  and  when  the  little  baby  comes 
you  are  not  going  to  be  mean  enough  to  be  jeal- 
ous and  complain  because  all  your  wife’s  thought 
and  all  her  love  seem  to  be  given  to  the  new- 
comer. You  know  why  it  is?  Because  in  him 
she  sees  the  picture  of  you,  and  though  she  may 
appear  to  regard  him  as  the  most  important  person 
in  the  world,  in  her  heart  of  hearts  it  is  you  who 
have  her  best  love.  And  you  must  learn  to  be 
very  thankful  for  that  little  child,  for  unless  your 
household  is  peopled  with  children  you  won’t 
have  a home.  Children  are  needed  to  make  it, 
and  when  the  years  have  gone  by  and  the  time  is 
growing  very  near  for  you  to  leave  this  world,  you 


The  Young  Husband's  First  Year  251 


will  find  a joy  and  satisfaction  in  them  that  noth- 
ing else  can  give. 


HIS  FIRST  YEAR 

It  is  the  most  important  of  all.  You  are  two 
people  who  are  getting  acquainted  with  each  other, 
and  this  acquaintance  means  a friendship  for  life. 
You  must  have,  first  of  all,  a good  stock  of  patience. 
You  know  little  about  the  ways  and  weaknesses  of 
women,  and  you  must  learn  to  bear  with  them. 
You  have  promised  to  love  and  protect  this  wom- 
an, and  you  must  show  that  you  are  a man  of 
your  word.  You  must  protect  her  from  your  own 
follies,  and  you  must  be  man  enough  not  to  be 
afraid  to  tell  her  of  your  love.  The  spoken  word 
of  love  means  very  much  to  the  wife.  The  kiss 
of  greeting  or  farewell  tells  a more  loving  tale  to 
the  wife  than  it  ever  did  to  the  sweetheart.  You 
must  cultivate,  if  you  wish  to  make  your  wife 
happy,  the  expression  of  love.  Many  a woman 
has  died  believing  that  her  husband  did  not  love 
her,  because  he  thought  it  unmanly  to  tell  in 
words  or  deeds  of  all  the  love  in  his  heart.  Un- 
manly? It  is  manly.  It  is  great  and  strong  to 
take  the  woman  you  love  close  to  you,  close  to 
your  heart,  to  make  your  wife  understand  that 
every  day  brings  her  nearer  to  you,  every  hour 
makes  you  love  her  more,  and  that  you  are  ten 
times  happier  when  you  think  of  her  as  your  wife 


252 


Side  Talks  with  Girls 


than  when  you  dreamed  of  her  as  your  sweetheart. 
A man  is  at  his  best  when  he  loves  most.  And 
he  is  the  best  husband  who  makes  his  wife  most 
thoroughly  understand  the  strength  of  his  love 
and  all  that  she  is  to  him. 


45151 

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